


Dreams of Shili

by jairyn



Series: Shili/Togruta [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anisoka, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Shili, Star Wars - Freeform, The Force, Togruta - Freeform, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-07-14 23:38:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 91,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Feisty princess of Shili, Ahsoka, is thrown headfirst into adventure when she goes to Naboo for a leadership conference. Shortly after she arrives, the trade federation blockades the planet. They’re rescued by two Jedi and they attempt to escape. Wanting to learn by example, she goes along for the ride as she helps her best friend, Padmé, reclaim her planet.Following her involvement in the skirmish, she pushes to make her own planet more involved in the Republic. Appointed representative, she’s now tasked with senate duties. Unlike her friend, she hates politics; preferring action to diplomacy. Outspoken and not well liked, she finds herself constantly the target of bounty hunters. As tensions rise, she’s thrown together again with Anakin when he’s assigned to protect her so she can vote on the Military Creation Act. They form a deep friendship that later shifts to something much deeper.Shortly after becoming queen, she has to figure out how to protect her home after making a controversial decision that divides her people. Will she become a force for change in the galaxy or just another pawn in the Chancellor’s game?





	1. Practical Leadership

**Author's Note:**

> • Ahsoka is the same age as Padmé (5 years older than Anakin).  
> • She’s present for some of the events of Episodes 1 & 2  
> • She is the princess by birthright and will eventually be queen. Not an elected position like Naboo.  
> • She is still force sensitive but was never found by the Jedi (when she was young enough to be trained.)  
> • Not connected to Traditions, but I will be using some of the things I established in that story about Togruta and Shili and building on it. Also, there will be some repeat characters from that story but they might not be the same as I presented them in Traditions.  
> • Some designs and ideas inspired by rosaapaints

            “You know, Padmé, when you invited me to Naboo for this leadership conference, I had no idea you were going to stage a demonstration,” Ahsoka said as they ran down the hallway.

            “I wish that’s all it was,” her friend replied in frustration. “Chancellor Valorum said he was sending two Jedi to negotiate with the trade federation, the blockade should end soon. But in the meantime, we might as well continue with the lesson.”

            They slipped into Padmé’s room followed by her handmaidens. Ahsoka sat off to the side while she was transformed into one of the handmaidens herself and Sabé took her place dressed as the queen. “So… how does disguising yourself as a handmaiden help?” she asked, kicking back in an overly plush chair that felt like it swallowed her whole the moment she sat down. She put her feet up on the poof in front of it and suddenly felt claustrophobic. 

            “In times of conflict, it’s important to protect the leaders. Societies fall when the leadership falls,” Padmé explained as she tucked her long brown hair into the hood of the flame ombré dress robes.

            “So, you value your life more than your assistants?” She sat up trying to escape the chair.

            “Of course not,” her friend said indignantly. “It’s not about value. The leader is a symbol for the people. When that symbol is destroyed, the people lose hope and become easier to oppress. On Shili, your people may be more spread out, but they know who their leaders are. For any big decision involving the fate of your entire planet, they will look to them. And someday to you. If they’re in danger, they will expect you to save them. If they’re enslaved, they will expect you to free them. But if you’re killed, they will not know how to do that for themselves.”

            “I think you underestimate my people.” Ahsoka crossed her arms. “And yours.” Padmé sat down on the poof she’d had her feet on moments before while Sabé finished getting ready. She patted her knee.

            “I don’t think you’re understanding what I’m saying, my friend,” Padmé said softer. “It’s not that people can’t fight without leaders. If the leaders are killed, they will eventually reach breaking point and resist oppression naturally. But when they’re afraid, they look to the people that are in charge to know what to do. They look to them to know how to respond to what is happening. Your people are strong, as are mine. But by the nature of your world and the way they’re all spread out, how will the tribes communicate with each other? How will they coordinate? Or will each one be forced to fight from their own corners of the planet? How do you think that would go? As a leader, it is your responsibility to protect them. Your job is to guide them to a safe and healthy future. Especially in times of turmoil, they expect that of you so that they can continue to live their lives. On Naboo, being queen is an elected position. They did not elect me to watch them suffer and die. They elected me to take care of business, to stop conflict and ensure their safety and freedom. Though you are the princess by birthright, that same responsibility sits on the shoulders of your parents and someday, your own.”

            “On Shili, the tribes mostly live individually of each other. The only thing my parents seem to do is solve minor disputes over land or assist tribes that are struggling to survive on their own. As far as I can tell, they rarely look to us or respect us unless they need something from us,” she sighed in frustration. “If my planet was invaded, I’m not sure the majority of the people would even know or care that the leadership changed hands.”

            “I think you underestimate your importance to your people,” Padmé replied. “Sometimes it feels that way here too, since most of my duties involve keeping peace and minor laws or our role in the Republic. But right now, the trade federation is disrupting our normal activities and even though they haven’t fired a single shot, everyone on my planet is affected by this blockade and waiting for me to fix it. If I don’t, do you think they’ll want me to stay the queen? Of course not, they’ll expect a new leader. A  _better_  leader.”

            “I find that hard to believe,” she murmured. “Surely they wouldn’t turn on you so easily. You’ve done nothing but good things for them.”

            “Well, I wish that were true,” her friend said quietly. “But no leader is perfect and what benefits one person might make things worse for another. It is important to be unbiased and fair whenever possible. And sometimes you have to choose what’s best for most over what’s best for a few.”

            “But how could you know that?” she asked in confusion. “My people are so different depending where you are or who you talk to. I don’t know anything about them.” 

            “It’s time you learn about them then,” Padmé said passionately. “If you don’t know your people, how can you lead them?”

            “We’re ready, my lady,” one of her other handmaidens said. This one was known as Rabé. To Ahsoka, they all kind of looked alike, it was hard to keep them straight. From what she understood, that was the point. When trading places with Padmé, they looked enough like her in the royal dresses and decorative makeup, that unless you knew of the deception, you might never know they’d switched places. 

            For humans, that probably worked just fine. There weren’t quite the same dramatic variations in their species as her own. That would never work for her. Finding another female that looked enough like her even in makeup or dress was impossible. Not that she felt that was necessary. Nor did she like the idea of being accompanied by bodyguards. Her own two assistants, Tovash and Zokra were plenty. And even though she liked the two young men, she hated being fussed over. And they were certainly not bodyguards. Their job was to keep her looking like a princess despite her constantly trying to shed the complicated garments and heavy headpieces they put on her. No, she was perfectly content to fight her own battles and if it got her killed, so be it. 

            And to be perfectly honest, she dreaded becoming the queen. It sounded like such a drag. Her people would count on her to keep them free, but she wouldn’t be free at all. She was only fourteen right now, but all she saw ahead of her was misery and boredom. When Padmé invited her here to learn about being a leader, she couldn’t wait to come. That was before the trade federation blockaded Naboo. Now her friend was distracted and didn’t have much time to do anything, let alone have any fun. Her parents had been thrilled at Padmé’s invitation, tired of her getting into trouble and not taking her duties seriously. They thought someone her own age, who was already a queen, could show her the ropes and teach her to behave. Little did they know that Padmé was just as spunky. The only difference was, she had much more patience for talking and the slow processes of the senate. She was always ready to negotiate as needed. In her opinion, talk was pointless and rarely solved anything. What she  _had_  hoped to learn from her friend was what was out there away from her planet. She craved adventure like she didn’t really belong on Shili.

            She loved her planet, but not what was expected of her. Night after night she looked up at the stars and thought about what secrets the galaxy held and where she fit in them. Padmé’s life was so much more exciting. Shili wasn’t terribly involved in the Republic or its problems. Sometimes it felt like the stars were calling to her. That her destiny or purpose lay beyond her home. All her parents wanted, however, was for her to keep her head down and focused on her own people. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about them, she just wasn’t content doing only that. There had to be more… and she’d hoped Padmé could show her that. 

            Her friend was on her feet, beckoning to follow as soon as a knock sounded on her door. “Negotiations went sour,” her chief of security said, the moment Padmé opened the door. “It’s a full invasion!”

            “Stay close, Ahsoka,” Padmé whispered as they followed Sabé out of the room. Her assistants joined the envoy as they headed out of the palace towards the royal Nubian ship in hopes to escape. They didn’t make it very far before droids with blasters surrounded them. She narrowed her eyes ready to charge into them, but Padmé caught her arm right before she moved. “Talk first, fight only if necessary.”

            She glared at her friend for a moment and relaxed her muscles. She had the strongest urge to kick the droid closest to her. They didn’t look like much at all, she could probably blow on them and it would knock them down. Just because they had guns didn’t mean they’d win. She hated guns. She wasn’t a big fan of weapons in general. But Padmé kept telling her that blasters were more appropriate for civilized society instead of teeth and claws. As annoyed as she’d been with her friend at the time, teeth and claws were probably useless against metal. She wished she had somewhere in her outfit to even hide a blaster though right now. She highly doubted these droids would negotiate. 

            “Viceroy Gunray has requested your immediate surrender,” one of the small brown droids with yellow painted stripes said to Sabé. Ahsoka rolled her eyes. 

            “Tell Viceroy Gunray that we will not surrender but we are open to negotiation with the Trade federation,” Sabé responded calmly. 

            “The time for negotiation has passed. Come quietly or be destroyed,” the droid responded in its grating mechanical voice. 

            Ahsoka made a gesture towards Padmé that was supposed to mean ‘now can we fight?’ Her friend shook her head. She sighed and followed along as they ‘surrendered’ to the droids. She supposed Padmé had some grand reason why surrendering made perfect sense right now and that it was even more stuff she had to learn about politics and leading her people. This was not how she’d do it at all. She’d fight her way to freedom and take them out. 

            As they moved through the palace, she was constantly looking for moments to escape, but Padmé kept a tight hold on her wrist so she stayed put. There’d been at least a dozen opportunities she could have gotten away, but probably not with the rest of them, so she supposed staying meant she wasn’t endangering them too. They were halfway across the courtyard when she felt something just before two men jumped out of the shadows and slashed what looked like swords made of light through the droids surrounding them. 

            She watched them move in fascination as they spun and danced around, her eyes snapping to every flick of their wrists. 

            “Are you alright, your highness?” the older man asked Sabé.

            “I am, thank you,” she replied. “We need to get to Coruscant, Viceroy Gunray ordered our surrender.”

            “We’ll escort you,” the elder Jedi bowed politely. He had long hair past his shoulders, some gray in it and the top part tied back. He wore heavy robes that looked horrible to fight in. The younger man had a handsome face but shorter hair. All of his was tied back with the exception of a long thin braid down one side. He too wore heavy robes. She wanted to know all about what they were doing and how to do it too. She didn’t get a chance to ask questions though as they turned and helped them fight their way towards the ship. 

            She picked up one of the broken droid’s blaster and took out a dozen or so on their way to the landing platform. 

            “Nice shooting,” the younger Jedi said.

            “Not as much fun as sinking my teeth into them, but it will have to do for now,” she grinned. He looked taken aback for a moment but then nodded and scooted away. She shrugged and helped cover the others as they boarded. 

            As they got the ship flying, she sat down, looking over the blaster rifle in her hand. It was okay, but it was big and clunky. No finesse, no satisfaction like when your teeth made contact with your kill. Zokra fussed over the headdress that apparently she’d ‘dislodged’ getting too rambunctious. His words, not hers. She rolled her eyes. The two Jedi introduced themselves as Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi wan Kenobi. They’d been sent by the chancellor to negotiate with the trade federation, but apparently before negotiations had even started, the Neimodians had attempted to kill them. 

            They’d hidden aboard one of the landing crafts and found their way back to Theed looking for the queen. She studied the creature they had with them. He’d been introduced as Jar Jar Binks, a Gungan. He was disproportionately tall with pinkish skin and a long snout. His clothes were simple, but he practically worshiped the Jedi, especially Qui-Gon. From what Padmé said, Gungans were lake dwelling creatures on Naboo and they didn’t like the surface dwellers; her people. Nor did they like outsiders, so she was surprised this Jar Jar was even here. 

            He was a goofy creature as far as she was concerned. Clumsy, uncoordinated and rather obnoxious, but sometimes she couldn’t help but laugh at the predicaments he kept finding himself in. 

            She heard her name and her attention snapped back to the Jedi. “This is princess Ahsoka Tano of Shili. She was here for a leadership conference. Once we get back to Coruscant, we will get her transportation home,” Sabé was saying. 

            “Hold on a second,” she said, standing up. “I appreciate the gesture, but I have every intention of seeing this through.”

            “But it’s not your conflict, your highness. It would be safer for you to return to Shili,” the younger Jedi said; Obi Wan Kenobi.

            “Safer, perhaps,” she said in annoyance and almost added, ‘but not as much fun.’ “I’m here to learn how to lead my people. Learning only how to lead them in peaceful times won’t help. What if the trade federation were invading my planet? What better way to learn than by example?” She kept wanting to look to Padmé and had to keep reminding herself that until Padmé was dressed as the queen again, she had to pretend Sabé was the one in charge. 

            Sabé made the slightest, nearly imperceptible glance towards Padmé whom she saw nod slightly out of the corner of her eye. “Very well, princess,” Sabé conceded. “If your wish is to stay, we appreciate your assistance.”

            “I strongly advise against it, your majesty,” Qui-Gon said. “It will be difficult to protect all of you.”

            “She made good use of a blaster rifle, master,” Obi Wan said. “I think she could be helpful.”

            “We will escort all of you to Coruscant, after that, the council will decide what we do,” Qui-Gon said. “I have a feeling things will be much more complicated by then. He tucked his hands into the sleeves of his robe as he got a faraway look in his eyes. 

            “We’ve got incoming!” the pilot shouted as they left the atmosphere. She grabbed the wall behind her as the ship shuddered. “Shields are holding for now, but we can’t take much more of this!”

            The two Jedi raced towards the pilot to help, but Padmé caught her arm again.

            “I appreciate your enthusiasm, Ahsoka,” she breathed. “But the Jedi are right. I’m responsible for your safety and I don’t want you in the middle of a battle. Besides, once we get to talk to the senate, we should be able to come to a peaceful resolution.”

            “That’s no fun.” She sat down on the bench and crossed her arms, trying to ignore Zokra’s need to reach over and readjust something. Padmé tried to resist smiling but didn’t manage it. 

            “As a leader, you must always find the best way to resolve conflicts. Fighting should always be a last resort. With diplomacy, fewer lives are lost, less strain on resources, fewer disruptions of activities. It’s your job to ensure that.”

            The ship shook hard, the lights flickered, and the speed slowed. “They’ve hit our engine,” the pilot reported. “If we can’t get it repaired, we’re an easy target.”

            “Send out the droids,” Sabé ordered. 

            “Yes, your majesty,” the pilot replied. 

            Ahsoka sat up as four astromech droids started up from sleep mode and wheeled towards the back of the ship. Droids weren’t common on Shili but there were some in the capital and in the palace. She liked them, they fascinated her. But according to her parents, everything fascinated her, and they were constantly telling her to stop being so curious.

            She couldn’t help it. Especially away from home. Naboo was as opposite as Shili as you could get. Everything was new and exciting. The way people talked, the way they lived, even the buildings were unlike anything she’d ever seen. She couldn’t even imagine what else waited for her out there. What other kinds of planets she’d visit or species she’d meet. She was used to humans, they were relatively common on Shili. There were a few other miscellaneous races she’d come across, but she knew nothing about them, their homes or their society.

            The Jedi paced the cabin as the pilot kept reporting the status. Sabé and Padmé and the rest of their envoy sat quietly and regally as though this was a common occurrence. She hated all this waiting, sitting, hoping, while other people did something. She wanted to be involved. She wanted to help. She couldn’t stand it anymore and wandered towards the back of the ship and looked out the viewfinder to watch the droids work. 

            She cringed as she watched two of them get hit and knocked off into space. “Come on, little guys,” she begged them. “You can do it!” The third one was hit and flew off in several pieces. She started getting really nervous. The last one, a blue and white painted droid with a dome top, worked dutifully at repairing the ship as though it hadn’t even noticed the others getting swept away. She silently cheered it on, hoping it could fix enough of the damage so they could get away. 

            The lights flickered again but came back on to full power and the ship lurched forward as it started moving again. She nearly jumped up and down. She patted the droid’s dome as it came back inside. 

            “Good job, little buddy,” she said in delight. It beeped and whirred, and then it lifted a scope and spun it around as though celebrating. She liked him, he had personality. “Sorry about the other ones.” She stopped to wonder for a second if it even made sense to offer condolences to a droid about other droids, but then it made a couple soft, melancholy whistles and she tipped her head studying it. This droid was far more advanced and impressive than the battle droids they’d met on the surface. It seemed to understand emotions and loss. How curious. “Well come on, I’m sure the others will want to thank you too.” It followed her back into the main cabin. “This little droid did it!” she exclaimed. Hardly anyone even responded to her. 

            “Yes, that’s R2D2,” Padmé spoke softly, but didn’t even look in their direction.

            “Artoo?” Ahsoka asked, kneeling down in front of it. “Thank you.” He beeped happily in response. She never thought she’d say it, but she almost felt sorry for the droid. Sorry that nobody else present seemed impressed or thankful that he’d just saved them. 

            “We have a problem,” the pilot said, and the droid was forgotten by everyone else. “The hyperdrive was damaged beyond repair. We seem to have escaped the blockade, but without a new hyperdrive, we won’t make it to Coruscant. Sub-light engines are operational. The closest planet is Tatooine, we will need to land and see if we can purchase a new one there.”


	2. Friends in Hot Places

            She looked in the mirror at the latest outfit she’d been dressed in. The two-piece tunic and flowing pants with a decorative shawl might have been attractive if the velvety fabric wasn’t so heavy. This was a desert planet after all. There was jewelry draped around her montrals and around her lekku. She also had bangles on her arms. Apparently Tovash and Zokra thought this was toning it down as Qui-Gon had insisted. The color was nice though, a deep burgundy red. It contrasted with her skin and she liked it. Not that she dared to admit that out loud either. She sighed wishing she could get away with ripping half of it off. At the very least she’d remove the sleeves and shorten the pants. But she didn’t dare say anything to them or else they’d put her in something even more ridiculous. All she wanted right now was to get off this ship. Even the desert looked pretty good to her.

            She tried to sneak past her assistants to get outside, but she wasn’t sneaking anywhere with all this jewelry clanking around her. “Let me look at you,” Zokra said and she obediently stopped and waited while he did his final fussing. “Well? Do you like it?”

            “I still look like a princess,” she replied, knowing better than to comment one way or another on the outfit itself.

            “Of course! That’s the point!” Tovash came up next to Zokra and looked her over too.

            “Yes, but I’m supposed to be undercover here,” she replied, tugging on part of the headdress wondering if she could pop part of it off. Zokra rushed forward and promptly fixed whatever she’d just done to it and she sighed. There was no point arguing with them, they weren’t going to let her get away with even the slightest adjustment. She doubted they even knew what undercover meant. Padmé came up still pretending to be one of her handmaidens. She wore a long blue skirt with a colorful poncho-type top. Her hair was simply done, but attractive and curly.

            “You look beautiful, Ahsoka,” her friend said.

            “Thank you. So do you, but it’s too princess-y for being undercover,” she said, hoping Padmé would explain to her assistants why this was all too much. But apparently, she completely missed the cue because she just beckoned for them to leave the ship. She sighed and followed her out. Qui-Gon took one look at her and was about to say something but then changed his mind. If he’d complained about her outfit she would have complained too. He probably wouldn’t believe her that she didn’t get a choice in it either.

            “Now your highness and…” Qui-Gon started.

            “Padmé,” her friend curtsied. She didn’t know why her friend didn’t want to tell the Jedi she was the queen, but until told otherwise, she had to keep her secret.

            He tipped his head to her. “Tatooine is a very dangerous place so you will need to stay close. It’s a haven for gamblers, bounty hunters and plenty of violence.”

            “That sounds exciting,” she said without thinking and Padmé elbowed her. “I mean, of course master Jedi.” He was about to say something else but then shook his head and started walking towards the town they’d flown over just before landing. It _did_ sound exciting, she couldn’t help it. Everything that she’d seen away from Shili was exciting to her, violence included. It wasn’t that she loved it, but she didn’t fear it either. Which probably had a lot to do with the fact that her people were no strangers to it. The violence of the hunt was far more graphic and dramatic than blaster fights. Her people weren’t soldiers, but they knew how to fight. They had plenty of blood sports for entertainment and excitement. Arenas against beasts and other gladiators. The activities varied from tribe to tribe, but the basic competitions were the same.

            Unfortunately, it was the one element of her background that seemed to curl her friend’s toes. Padmé knew how to fight and was pretty impressive with blasters of all shapes and sizes. She didn’t back down when threatened or when others were in danger, but she was disgusted by constant violence and horrified by the things she’d witnessed in the Shili arena. Padmé much preferred talking to fighting whereas she was the complete opposite. She didn’t crave blood, but actions were much easier to communicate intention with than words. Talk was cheap in her mind. When talking, people had a tendency to hide behind their words and pragmatic declarations rather than do much of anything at all.

            Her friend, of all people, should know that considering that’s the exact reason the Trade federation had just invaded her planet. At least that’s how she understood it. Basically, the senate was constantly gridlocked from action as people talked themselves around in circles and never fixed much of anything at all. And sure, maybe laws weren’t fixable with a blaster or with teeth, but it might motivate people to budge easier than constant negotiations. And though she’d agreed to follow Padmé and help her free her planet, she highly doubted her plea to the senate would result in anything useful at all. But since she was here to learn how to lead, she needed to learn all sides of it.

            She patted Artoo’s dome top as he rolled up beside her. She was glad he was coming along. Jar Jar stumbled along in front of her and she laughed to herself. They made quite the troupe, but at least out here, she could escape her assistants for awhile. She couldn’t wait until they made it to town. She couldn’t wait to meet new people and see such an unscrupulous place for herself. If her parents knew where she was headed right now, they’d be horrified. Mainly because of the danger she’d be in. She just shrugged her shoulders. If Jedi were as magnificent as the rumors and whispers, surely she had nothing to fear. One Jedi might not be able to take on a hundred people at once, but he’d be able to protect her from muggers or drunkards or whatever else came up.

            It wasn’t a long walk to Mos Espa, as Qui-Gon had called it. But she’d had to keep stopping and dumping sand out of her stupid slip on shoes. Padmé at least had thought to wear boots. Trying to get her assistants to give her anything practical was impossible though, so she just had to spend half her time uncomfortable. If the sand wasn’t so hot, she’d ditch the shoes all together and go barefoot. She was really starting to hate the gritty feeling beneath her feet. Artoo at least, tolerantly put up with her constant need to lean on him to clean out her shoes. By the time they made it to town she was sweating and ready to throw something. She’d tied the shawl around her waist, tired of fighting with it every time she bent over.

            But at least as soon as the sounds of the town could be heard, she completely forgot her discomfort and ran forward to get a glimpse of it. Qui-Gon threw out an arm so she didn’t get ahead of him and she sighed impatiently. She wasn’t trying to be disobedient, she just couldn’t contain her excitement.

            She took everything in, her eyes wide in wonder and fascination. There were so many interesting creatures to look at, strange sounds and activity. Fights on the corners, droids beeping, blaring music. Several different languages could be heard as they wandered the street. Even innumerable smells both pleasant and unpleasant.

            She heard someone shouting and turned around to see Jar Jar with his tongue wrapped around a whole roasted nuna that had been hanging from a string. The shopkeeper was yelling at him and the Gungan was bumbling around trying to apologize but knocking more things over in the process. She ran over and tried to help him untangle himself. Then she pulled off one of her bracelets and slapped it down on the shop table to get the creature to calm down. But Jar Jar still didn’t manage to get the nuna off the string without flinging it across the marketplace where it hit another alien creature that started yelling too.

            The purple Dug moved around the table walking on his arms with his legs up in the air cursing and angry. She jumped between him and Jar Jar and was about ready to tell him off when a little boy appeared.

            “You don’t want to do that, Sebulba,” the boy said. He had straight blonde hair that looked sun-bleached. He wore white and beige heavy clothes that looked decidedly uncomfortable, scratchy and were practically rags. While he argued with the creature he’d called Sebulba in a language she didn’t recognize, she studied him. He couldn’t be much younger than her, a few years or so. He had pretty blue eyes and a cute dimple on one side. She liked his spunkiness as he stood up to this bully. There was something else about him that captivated her, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. “That’s just Sebulba, a local thug. He thinks he’s all that, but I’m going to beat him in the podrace later.” The boy looked up at them and smiled.

            “What’s a podrace?” she asked, returning his smile.

            “You don’t know what podracing is?” he asked in surprise. “Riders get in these tiny pods that go really fast. I’m the only human around that can do it!”

            “That sounds like fun!” she said enthusiastically. “Maybe we can stay long enough to watch one!”

            “You’re in luck, it’s the Boonta Eve Classic, the biggest event around and it only happens once a year. I built my pod all by myself, but I know it’s going to win,” he said happily. “Do you want to see it?”

            She didn’t get to answer because Qui-Gon and Padmé found them. “There you two are,” the Jedi said trying to hide his annoyance.

            “Sorry about that, Jar Jar here got a bit too excited about a roasted nuna and then Sebulba got a free meal,” she replied, pursing her lips.

            Qui-Gon looked between them as though he didn’t even want to ask what she was talking about. “We need to find a hyperdrive,” he said finally.

            “What kind of hyperdrive are you looking for?” the boy asked. Qui-Gon pulled out a holodevice and projected an image of it. “Oh that’s a T-14 Hyperdrive Generator for a Nubian starship. J-type I believe. We have one in the back of our shop.”

            “You really know your parts,” Padmé said in admiration.

            “I work in a junk shop, we see all types of things,” the boy replied. “Follow me, I’ll take you there.’

            They followed him a few streets away into an interesting looking shop with all sorts of bits and bobs dangling all over the place. She studied everything, struggling to take it in. She wanted to pick it all up and play with it. “Don’t touch anything,” Qui-Gon said as if reading her mind, though he seemed to have directed it at Jar Jar.

            “Ani.” A blue creature floated forward and continued speaking but in a different language. The boy answered him and pointed towards Qui-Gon and then the back of the shop. “A T-14 hyperdrive generator, hmm? Yes, I have one. Do you have peggats? It’s going to cost you.”

            “I want to see it first,” Qui-Gon replied.

            “Of course, of course,” the Toydarian replied and led him towards a back door. Ahsoka was just as fascinated watching the others look around the shop as she was looking around the shop herself. The boy had hopped up on the counter and was trying to hide that he was watching her and Padmé.

            “Are you an angel?” he asked her friend.

            “Excuse me?” Padmé replied in surprise.

            “An angel! I’ve heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They’re supposed to be the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy,” the boy said. She looked down trying to hide her smile. This kid was smooth, even for as young as he was. She wasn’t sure if she should be offended or not that he didn’t think she was beautiful. But then again, she was practically blanketed in stuff, so he probably couldn’t even see her face. She didn’t mind he thought Padmé was beautiful, she _was_ beautiful. And compared to her, her friend actually looked older; she’d grown out a lot, she didn’t look like a kid. She herself was still gangly with long legs and a disproportionate shape for the size of her head.

            “You’re a funny little boy, aren’t you?” Padmé asked and Ahsoka rolled her eyes. That was not at all the response he was hoping for, she could tell already. She leaned back against the counter trying to decide if she should interrupt the awkward moment or let her friend flounder a bit, since she had to admit it was entertaining. But Jar Jar seemed to have other plans and he did in fact touch something he shouldn’t have. A small funny looking droid burst to life and started running around the shop. The Gungan kept running into things as he chased it, trying to get it to stop.

            “Hit the nose!” the boy said, clearly undisturbed by the mess they were making as they ran around. Ahsoka watched the futility for a moment and then picked up a small, somewhat heavy part. She waited until the droid came back around the corner of the counter and she threw it hard in that direction. It bonked the droid right on the nose and it closed up and fell to the ground just in time for Jar Jar to trip over it and land on the floor. “Wow, nice shot!” the kid exclaimed.

            “Thanks,” she smiled at him.

            “Where are you two from anyways?”

            “I’m from Shili,” she said.

            “Naboo,” Padmé said hesitantly.

            “What brings you to Tatooine?” the boy asked.

            “We had to stop for parts,” her friend said. Ahsoka stepped closer to him and looked him over. She didn’t know why the boy fascinated her so much, but he did. She hated the ugly rags he was wearing though.

            “This shirt is so scratchy,” she said, running her hand down the sleeve. “And heavy. How do you survive the heat?”

            “You get used to it, I guess,” he replied, studying her. “Your dress doesn’t look very light either.”

            “It’s definitely not,” she complained. “But nobody listens to me when I tell them that. I can’t change my clothes, but I _can_ do something about yours. Come on, I’m going to buy you something nicer.”

            “I can’t go without my master’s permission.” He looked down at his feet and she watched his shoulders drop.

            “You’re a slave?” Padmé asked in surprise and it was her turn to elbow her friend for being so insensitive.

            “I’m a person and my name is Anakin!” he said in annoyance.

            “Of course, I just didn’t realize…” Padmé shifted uncomfortably, looking suddenly embarrassed.

            “I’ll be right back,” Ahsoka said, suddenly determined to get this kid something really special. No wonder he was dressed in rags. She didn’t know if there was anything she could do about him being a slave right now, but she was definitely going to try.

            She wandered out of the shop leaving them in the awkward silence that had fallen between them. She found her way back to the marketplace and looked around. It was only after she found a booth with clothes that she realized she didn’t have any money. Currency was practically unnecessary on Shili, they operated mostly in trade. The bracelets on her wrist glinted in the sun and she smiled. She might not have their currency, peggats as the Toydarian has asked for, but she had plenty of valuables on her she could trade. She didn’t even want to think about how angry her assistants would be when she got back. She shook it off, it didn’t matter. There was plenty of this stuff on Shili. Getting this boy something nice was more important to her right now. Not that she really knew why.

            She picked up various tunics looking for something light and airy, that breathed in the hot sun. They weren’t made out of the same nice materials as she had on her planet, but the shirts she looked at were still nicer than what he was wearing. But all of them were way too big for him at the moment.

            “Do you have anything smaller?” she tried to ask the shopkeeper, but they replied in a language she didn’t understand. “Smaller?” She made a gesture on herself and the other alien lit up like they understood. But then they held up a dress rather than a tunic and she shook her head. She wasn’t going to give him a dress! Though any of these other tunics would probably look like one on him. She sighed when she heard Qui-Gon from across the way. He sounded frustrated and probably worried about where she went. She picked up one of the light blue tunics in front of her. It would have to do. “How much?” Then she pointed to the jewelry on her wrist. She argued with the shopkeeper for awhile, not really sure if he understood what she was asking or whether or not he’d accept the trade she was offering.

            “There she is,” Anakin said, and she heard them heading her way. Frustrated and tired of fighting with people, she pulled off the rest of her bracelets and some gold chains off her head piece with jewels and dropped them into the alien’s hands and marched away, carrying the shirt. There was no way this stupid piece of fabric was worth all of that, but she didn’t have the energy to fight with them about it. And if she didn’t get something to drink soon, she was probably going to have a heatstroke in this heavy thing _she_ was wearing.  

            “Now is hardly the time to be shopping, your highness,” Qui-Gon said as he came up. The boy's eyes widened next to him as he looked her over closer.

            “Yeah well, it wasn’t supposed to take that long,” she muttered, glaring over her shoulder at the shopkeeper that was looking over all the jewelry she’d just given them. “It’s a little big, but it should be cooler than what you have on.” She held it up in front of the boy. He looked so surprised that his hands trembled slightly as he took the shirt from her. He ran his fingers over the fabric so lightly he must have been afraid he’d ruin it simply by touching it.

            “For me?” he asked in surprise and she felt herself choke up. This boy had probably never had anything nice in his life.

            “Yes, for you,” she replied.

            “I’ll take good care of it,” he whispered.

            “You don’t have to do that,” she said. “I expect you to wear it. That’s why I got it. Though you might have to grow into it a bit.” He held it up in front of him and it was at least three times too big for him. “Okay, well, you’ll have to grow into it a lot.”

            “Thank you,” he said, tears welling in his eyes and he threw his arms around her waist.

            “You’re welcome.” She hugged him back.

            “Yes, well, we need to get back to the ship so that we can make a call. Apparently, they don’t accept Republic credits here,” Qui-Gon interrupted.

            Anakin let go of her and looked towards the edge of town. “Is your ship that way?” he asked.

            “Yes, why?” Padmé asked.

            “There’s a sandstorm coming, you’ll never make it. Come on, you can wait it out at my house,” he offered.


	3. Gambling

            “Mom! I’m home!” Anakin called as they ducked through the door of a tiny house that hardly looked like it would be able to hold all of them. The sandstorm he’d warned about had started up shortly before they’d gotten there, and she was suddenly much more grateful of his offer. If she’d hated all the sand in her shoes, she definitely hated it in her eyes and in her clothes. In fact, she had a feeling she’d be finding sand everywhere for days. Even though she appreciated the boy’s kindness, she didn’t like the idea of imposing on people who already had so little. 

            A beautiful dark-haired woman appeared in a doorway across the room. “Ani?” She too, wore rags like the boy. Her hair tied back in a small knot at the side of her neck. She had soft features, but signs of wear from years of hard work. She wiped her hands on her apron and greeted him with a few kisses. He tried to get out of her hold and act as though she was embarrassing him. But she saw the secret smile on his lips. At least he had someone other than a master. That probably tamed the horror of being owned by a greedy shopkeeper.

            “I brought some friends, ma,” he said when she finally let go. “I told them they could wait out the sandstorm here.” His mother looked up past him, her eyes widening as she looked at each of them. 

            “Your son was very kind to offer us shelter,” Qui-Gon said. “I hope we won’t be any trouble?”

            The woman didn’t say it, but Ahsoka knew exactly what she was thinking. How would she feed all of them as it neared dinner time? Or more than that, if the sandstorm didn’t let up before nightfall, could they put them all up here? “No, not at all,” she said quickly, trying to recover from her shock. “We don’t have much but make yourself comfortable.”

            “Thank you.” The Jedi bowed. 

            “You want to see the droid I’ve been building?” Anakin asked her and Padmé. “Come on! You’ll like him.” She exchanged a glance with her friend and then followed him into another room. Anakin talked happily about his droid, telling them all the ins and outs of how he went together and how long he’d been working on it. “His name is C-3PO, Threepio for short. He’s a protocol droid. I’m building him to help my mom.” He sounded so proud. 

            Even though she hadn’t understood half of what he’d told them, she couldn’t help but admire the intricacy of how it all came together. “It’s masterful,” she said in awe. “Did you follow instructions?”

            “No,” Anakin replied, reaching forward to put two cylindrical lights into its eye sockets.

            “But how did you know what pieces went together or what parts you’d need? He looks so complicated.”

            “I’ve always been good at building things,” he said, looking over the droid fondly. “I guess I just knew.”

            “Quite impressive,” Padmé said, coming closer. 

            “He’s not finished yet, but I’ll turn him on so you can see how he works.” Anakin reached behind the droid and presumably flipped a switch of some kind. Her and Padmé laughed as he awkwardly moved forward talking about all the languages he knew and all the things he could do. But she was near hysterical in giggles when Artoo rolled into the room and beeped something at it. She had no idea what Artoo had said, but the protocol droid’s reaction had been almost too much. 

            “Naked? What do you mean naked?” It almost seemed like it went into an anxiety attack, if droids could have anxiety attacks. And then it and Artoo continued to argue. She had no idea why she found it so funny that Artoo would insult a fellow droid, but it only made her like the little astromech that much more. 

            After laughing for awhile with the rest of them, she sat down on his bed to watch them. It was all so strange to her. She didn’t know why she was suddenly overcome with emotion. Not only did she like this little boy, it was nice to forget the troubles that had led them here. Padmé was a queen, and she was a princess, but here they were laughing about droids with a little boy they’d just met on a desert planet. Maybe Padmé had been right. She wondered if she’d experience moments like this with her own people if she took the time to get to know them rather than always be looking for things elsewhere...

            She thought about the boy’s mother who had probably spent most of her life a slave, and yet still worked so hard to give her son a happy and good life. Her own kindness and selflessness shone through him. Were her own parents proud of her? Did she reflect their goodness? They were strict, but not uncaring. She suddenly felt as though she didn’t appreciate them enough. She looked around making sure the rest of them were preoccupied and slipped out of the room. 

            Qui-Gon and Jar Jar sat at the table talking to Anakin’s mother while she bustled about making food. Before she could overthink it, she rolled up her sleeves and offered to help. She looked surprised but then grateful and pointed to some vegetables she could chop up. She went to work focusing on the task and trying not to think about the fact that she seemed to be the only one of their group thinking about his mother and the strain them showing up had just put on her. 

            “If you need meat or anything, I’m a good hunter,” she offered after awhile. The woman stopped what she was doing and looked her over. She could probably imagine what she was thinking. A little girl dressed in fancy and heavy clothes, covered in jewelry and finery, probably of a species they may never have come across before, was offering to hunt for them. 

            “What’s your name, child?” she asked after she looked like she’d debated with herself how to respond.

            “Ahsoka,” she answered dutifully.

            “That’s a kind offer, Ahsoka,” she said softly. “But I’m sure we’ll manage. You’re here to wait out the storm, I’d hate to send you out in it.”

            “Well, I’ve never hunted during a sandstorm before, but Shili has its share of bad weather.”

            “Sandstorms are very dangerous. They can disorient you and cover your tracks. When caught out in one, you can easily get lost,” his mother said. “With limited water available, it can be a death sentence. Slaves have even less access to water.”

            “I can’t believe slavery still exists,” Padmé said, coming up behind them. “I thought the Republic outlawed it.”

            “The Republic doesn’t exist out here,” the woman said simply. 

            She’d been famished when they sat down to eat, but the dinner conversation had caused her to lose her appetite. Anakin had enthusiastically described the gruesome fate that awaited any slave that tried to get away. Qui-Gon had dangled hope of being a Jedi and freedom in front of them and snatched it back. And then the boy had become a wager for a stupid part and now his life hung in the balance. But what had ultimately caused her to put down her utensils and leave the table was that other than his mother, no one seemed to care. Padmé’s protests had been weak and were easily silenced with simple assurances. The Jedi had seen only a means to an end. And Jar Jar had been far too busy eating to give it any thought. 

            It had taken all her self-control to stay silent on the matter, knowing none of them would care about her opinion anyways. She found a small window in another part of the house and sat down, watching the sand swirl around outside. How quickly this adventure had turned sour. All she could think about was how good she had it on Shili, and yet how desperate she’d always been to get away. But seeing the pain and suffering of others in a totally different world and seeing how little was being done to help them... it was starting to feel as though perhaps she’d finally found her calling. 

            There was more the people of Shili could offer the Republic and the galaxy, but instead, they kept to themselves. Maybe being a leader wasn’t only about protecting and guiding your own people. Maybe it was about inspiring them as well. Would it be that terrible for people steeped in tradition to look to the stars too? To think outwards and not only of their own survival?

            Artoo rolled up and bumped her softly on the leg and she absentmindedly patted him. He made a couple of concerned and sad beeps. “I’m okay, buddy,” she said softly. “I just have a lot to think about.” He beeped a few more times as though he were trying to cheer her up. She smiled and looked at him. “It’s just my whole life I’ve dreamed of nothing but what lay out there. Beyond my planet and my home. I craved adventure believing I didn’t really belong on Shili. But now I’m thinking that maybe my purpose is there, just not quite how I imagined it.” 

            She looked past him and saw Anakin standing there in the doorway. When he saw that she’d noticed him, he came into the room. “I dream of the same thing,” he said. “I look around and I think to myself, there must be more. This can’t be all there is to life.” He sat down on the bed. “When I look at the stars, I feel like I belong among them. Not here on Tatooine, but at the same time I feel like there’s more I’m supposed to do here; like free all the slaves. Maybe we’re both meant for something bigger.”

            She smiled sadly and looked down at the floor. “I would love to believe I have some grand purpose in the universe. But my destiny has already been decided for me.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Then she dropped her chin down. 

            “You’re royalty, aren’t you? Qui-Gon addressed you as such.”

            “I’m a princess,” she replied, looking him over. “But it’s not as great as it sounds. Everyone expects so much of me. Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped, and I’ll never get away.” Why was she pouring her heart out to a slave? Her life wasn’t bad at all in comparison. Maybe because she knew he’d understand. They were a lot alike, except her chains weren’t physical. 

            He got up and came over to her, putting something in her hands. “I don’t think it was an accident we met,” he said. “I think the universe has bigger plans for both of us.” She watched him go and then looked at what he’d given her. It was a small square made of some kind of bone. Something he’d carved symbols in with such care she could see the masterful handiwork. Suddenly she didn’t think it was an accident they had met either.

 

—-

 

            The following day heralded a whirlwind of activity as everyone bustled about getting ready for the annual podrace. After Qui-Gon made the deal with Watto, Anakin showed them the pod he’d built. It was a fascinating vehicle, but scary too. Jar Jar zapped himself on the electric stream that bounced from engine to engine. His tongue was so numb you could hardly make sense of anything he was saying. The pod itself was small, only room for one driver. And it had no protective equipment because apparently that weighed you down. 

            Anakin could hardly contain his excitement and talked nonstop about the pod and the race. His mother stood to the side looking nervous and worried. Padmé listened politely to everything the boy said but seemed to have no idea what he was talking about most of the time. She also had to keep getting Jar Jar out of trouble. Qui-Gon disappeared for awhile, presumably to call Obi Wan and discuss the plan. Her on the other hand, tried to hold down the excitement, but kept getting distracted by random things. First it had been a womprat scavenging in a nearby alley, her stomach growled from how little she’d eaten the night before. Then it had been Anakin’s friends who liked to tease him and made no secret of the fact that he’d never finished a race. Which then concerned Padmé since Qui-Gon had used her ship as the entry fee. Then it came time to pack everything up and head to the racetrack.

            Half the time it felt like she was in the way, but she couldn’t help her curiosity. Everywhere she looked there were things she’d never seen before and she was starting to get overloaded with all the activity and noise. She tried to calm Padmé down who was getting more and more anxious the closer they got to the start of the race. She’d complained to her about Qui-Gon betting the ship and the boy for a hyperdrive engine because to her it was more than just a simple wager. She said all her people hung in the balance too. If this boy lost, how would she get to Coruscant and get help?

            “Don’t worry, Padmé,” she said encouragingly. “I have a feeling he’s going to surprise everyone.”

            “But how could you know that?” her friend exclaimed. “He’s only nine!”

            “Padmé.” Ahsoka shook her friend by the shoulders. “More than your people are on his shoulders right now. So is his future, his freedom and everything he’s been dreaming about for years. He won’t let us down. I know it.” She was glad her friend hadn’t expected her to explain further, because she wasn’t sure she could. It wasn’t Qui-Gon’s gamble that made her so sure, it was something else. Something she couldn’t articulate. She could feel Anakin’s determination, his… _need_ … to win this. It wasn’t a race to him, it was his greatest hope.

            She glanced past her at the boy who was frantically fussing over his pod with last minute tweaks and maintenance. There was something about him this morning, he oozed confidence and assuredness. He knew what he was doing. He was ready. He might only be nine, but he carried himself like a seasoned pilot; a veteran who had done this a million times and had no concern he could do it again. He fussed over the engine and his mother fussed over him. She didn’t have to have seen a podrace to understand his mother’s concern. The announcers were doing a good job of increasing the tension by telling the statistics of how often people die during the race or how few people finish.

            Padmé got distracted by Qui-Gon’s return so she headed over to Anakin. “Please be careful, Ani,” Shmi said.

            “Don’t worry, ma, I can do it!” Anakin replied. His mother smiled sadly and headed back to join the group. She ran her hand softly over the smooth metal of his pod hoping she was right about what she was feeling. He had such positive energy and a good heart, she didn’t want to see anything horrible happen to him. “I’m going to win this race.” She looked up at his face.

            “I know,” she said. He smiled in response.

            “This might sound strange,” he started, chewing on his lip for a second. “But somehow I know that this isn’t where it ends for me. Like maybe my story is just beginning.”

            She tipped her head to the side and studied him. Could it be possible to know that? Is that what she’d been feeling since last night too? “That doesn’t sound strange at all.” When she’d gone to Naboo for the leadership conference, it had never occurred to her that she’d end up on Tatooine, nor that she’d be meeting slaves or soon to be headed to Coruscant or even that she’d end up in the middle of conflict and danger. But now it was feeling more and more like none of this was an accident. That everything had happened by some grand design. The only question left in her mind was where she fit in all of it. A loud call went out to presumably inform the racers it was time to make their way to the track. She kissed him quickly on the cheek. “Prove everyone that’s ever doubted you wrong,” she whispered and waved at him as he headed out. _Good luck, Anakin._

            She found the others as they made their way to the stands. The excitement and anticipation of the crowd was palpable as the countdown to the start of the race began. The announcers introduced everyone and reported previous victories and failures for each one. She ignored the statistics, focusing only on Anakin as he got ready. As he’d said, his life was just beginning. Past failures or mishaps wouldn’t slow him down; he would keep going and beat the odds. She knew that. She hardly knew him or his mother, but she felt such a connection to both of them. Like they belonged in her life. And she sincerely hoped that Qui-Gon, no matter what the outcome of this race was, would do something about freeing them. Just because they hadn’t come here to free slaves, didn’t mean they couldn’t do that while they were here. At least helping the boy and his mother would be a good start.

            The race passed in a blur of noise and emotion. She could hardly keep it together. She cheered for him until she started to lose her voice and then she cheered silently. She ignored the doubters or the announcers that seemed to think he had no chance at winning. Once he’d gotten started, he’d quickly moved up through the ranks. His pod was fast, as he’d said. She hadn’t been concerned when he’d gotten tangled up with Sebulba, or even when the Tuskens had started firing at them. She’d just known he’d be okay. And she celebrated like she never had before when he crossed the finish line in first place.

            The rest of the day was hazy as people celebrated and cheered. Qui-Gon had gone to retrieve the winnings and had the hyperdrive sent ahead to the ship with Artoo and Jar Jar. And then he’d dropped the bombshell that Anakin had won his freedom; a gamble that no one had known he’d made. But that was when everything had caught up with her, when they found out Shmi wasn’t leaving with them too.

            “Are you going to come back for her?” she demanded of the Jedi as they started heading back towards the ship. Anakin was walking up ahead with Padmé. She watched his body language. He was excited and scared. He’d cried for part of the way back for having to say goodbye to his mother.

            “No,” Qui-Gon replied.

            “Why not?” she huffed, putting her hands on her hips.

            “We’re not here to free slaves, your highness,” the Jedi said, clearly getting agitated by her.

            “We freed him!”

            “I tried to free his mother too, but Watto wouldn’t wager them both.”

            “So you’re just going to leave her behind like she means nothing?”

            “Princess,” Qui-Gon said through gritted teeth. “The Republic has no authority on Tatooine, and neither do the Jedi. Without senate intervention on a Hutt world, there’s nothing more I, or anyone else can do about it. The woman’s fate is unfortunate, but I’ve done all I can.”

            She didn’t get a chance to argue, because both her and Qui-Gon turned at the same time to see something speeding towards them. Whatever it was felt dangerous. “Who or what is that?”

            “Get to the ship, all of you!” Qui-Gon yelled as their pursuer leapt off the speeder bike and landed, igniting a double-bladed red light sword, similar to those the Jedi carried. “Tell them to take off!”

            “Come on, Ahsoka! I thought you were fast!” Padmé called back to her as Qui-Gon ignited his own light sword and engaged the enemy.

            “I am fast! But there’s so much sand in my shoes, it’s weighing me down,” she complained.

            “Then take them off!”

            She thought about it for just a moment and then shrugged. She started hopping as she tried to pull off one of her shoes. Rather than dump it out or drop it though, she turned and threw it as hard as she possibly could at the creature that was chasing them. Qui-Gon ducked out of the way and it hit the Zabrak right in the gut. He looked confused for just a second and then continued to fight. She threw the other one too, but he dodged out of the way of it. Now out of sand laden ammo, she put her attention back on making it to the ship. She raced forward unhindered and leapt right as the ship started to take off. She caught Obi wan’s outstretched arm as he pulled her in and to safety.


	4. Politics

            “Mother Shili give me strength,” Tovash muttered as soon as he saw her.  She rolled her eyes knowing she couldn’t escape the inevitable. She half thought about turning around and running back outside to help Qui-Gon. That creature seemed far less scary to her than the wrath of her assistants. “I leave you alone for two days! Two days! And look what happens! You’re filthy. You’ve lost your shoes...”

            “I didn’t lose them, I threw them at that thing chasing us!” she said indignantly, but Tovash was on a roll and there was no interrupting him now.

            “You’ve wrinkled your best shawl, you’re covered in sand and you’re missing half your jewelry!”

            “At least I didn’t lose my crown!” she exclaimed. 

            “That’s only because you weren’t wearing it!” She squeezed her eyes shut as he came over and picked apart everything that he felt was wrong with her appearance. Maybe if they’d just put less stuff on her to begin with, this wouldn’t happen so often. But there was no point in telling them that. She’d tried it before. In the mood he was in right now, if she so much as suggested something so ‘outlandish’ he’d reply, ‘if I put less on you, you’ll come back naked.’ She had to admit it was tempting to do that just to get even with them, but she didn’t dare prove them right. 

            Zokra came into the room and he too went about fussing over her and muttering about how hard she made his life and whatever else he felt he needed to grumble about. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate them, or even that she purposely tried to make their lives difficult, it was simply a matter of wishing they’d listen to her for once, and what _she_ wanted. Not what her parents felt she should have. 

            She glanced across the cabin and saw Anakin watching all of this unfold. It suddenly embarrassed her. Padmé wouldn’t notice or care one way or the other because she too, was used to being fussed over. But now to have someone with them that had never experienced anything quite like this... it felt so superfluous and she didn’t like it one bit. Despite her disheveled and messy appearance, she already had it way better than him and he probably had noticed that too. 

            “Come on, your highness,” Tovash said. 

            “We have bigger problems than the way I look right now,” she replied. 

            “With the right outfit, any problem will run and hide,” Zokra said. 

            “I’m pretty sure that an outfit isn’t going to dazzle that creature out there and get him to stop chasing us,” she complained.

            “You never know,” Tovash replied. “He might be a fan of fine, handmade jewelry.”

            “I highly doubt it, he didn’t strike me as the jewelry type.” They took her by the arms and guided her, rather aggressively, towards her cabin ignoring her protests. She pulled out of their grip once they were alone in her room. “I’ll make you a deal,” she said quickly. “I’ll put on whatever you want me to without a fuss on one condition.”

            Zokra crossed his arms. “And what is that?”

            “That boy out there,” she started carefully. “Clean him up. Dress him up. Get him out of those rags. Let him feel like royalty for once, not a piece of property. Do that, and I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear and I won’t complain anymore.”

            “Very well, your highness,” Tovash replied. 

            “Thank you,” she sighed. Why did she hate being fussed over so much? She imagined most people, especially slaves, would probably love to be pampered and dressed in finery. Maybe it was because she was so small, everything felt extraordinarily heavy and overwhelming. Maybe it was because it hindered her movements and made her feel trapped. And maybe it wasn’t a bomb in her head or a slave collar or physical chains holding her to a wall, but there was certainly no escaping when covered in all of this. Maybe it was because all of it felt so unnecessary and pointless. Who cared if people knew she was a princess everywhere she went? What did that gain her anyways? If anything, it made her a walking target. Maybe she wanted to fit in with regular people. Maybe she wanted to walk amongst them and not feel pretentious. But maybe she simply didn’t want a reminder of the burden she carried every second of every day.

            They left her alone long enough to shower. It took longer than normal to get all the sand off her, but when she was done they’d laid clothes out on the bed for her. Once she was decent, she called them back and sat there as patiently as she could while they finished getting her ready. They massaged lotion into her skin and a special salve to keep her horns and lekku smooth and shiny. She watched them work as they decked her out and adjusted the fabric of her clothes. Their handiwork was amazing, as was their meticulous attention to detail. She didn’t understand their vision, but she supposed it turned out good in the end.

            The men were the main crafters of her species and they took a lot of pride in their work. Nearly everything she was put into; her assistants had made themselves. And maybe that was the main reason they got so disgusted with her whenever she came back missing pieces of it. Tovash and Zokra were two of the finest craftsmen on Shili. Their jewelry was the highest quality, intricate and perfectly smooth or curved. Their clothes were sewn beautifully, detailed and tailored exactly to her body. The leather pieces were soft, supple and artistic. Even the makeup they painted across her face you couldn’t find a single defect in. So why did she hate it so much?

            “See how much easier this is when you’re not fighting us?” Tovash said after instructing her to stand up and spin around so they could inspect their work from every angle.

            “Yes,” she replied simply and let them move her around and adjust things until they were satisfied. One thing that weighed her down more than her outfit was how little she’d appreciated the things she had before she’d met Anakin and his mother. There was something about seeing people who were worse off that put things into perspective. Whether she liked it or not, this was part of her life and as Tovash had pointed out, when she didn’t fight it, it was less annoying all the way around. It didn’t change the fact that the whole process, materials and symbolism still weighed her down, but someday she was going to have to learn how to carry it.

            And something else kept repeating in her brain; maybe the galaxy was as messed up as it was because not fighting injustice was easier than fighting it. So then came the ultimate question she wasn’t sure she dared utter to anyone around her; was she going to be the leader that stayed on Shili and protected her own people, or was she going to lead by example and inspire her people to do more and help others?

            When she was finally released, her assistants pounced on Anakin. He looked at her nervously and she beckoned him to go ahead. She didn’t blame him for being nervous after watching the fuss she’d just made about it. But hopefully he’d appreciate a nice shower and softer clothes. And maybe it wouldn’t be as bad to him. So he probably shouldn’t be meeting the Jedi dressed like a prince, but even with as fast as Padmé’s ship was, it would be a few days before they got to Coruscant anyways. Let him enjoy a little bit of luxury before beginning his new life.

            She sat there stiffly, listening to the activity around her while she waited for her assistants to finish with Anakin. Now that Tatooine was behind them, everyone was focused back on Naboo and the problems at hand. Qui-Gon and Obi wan would disappear for long stretches of time either discussing the creature that they’d encountered or meditating. She was trying not to eavesdrop, but she could easily hear their hushed whispers in the other room. They kept mentioning something called a ‘Sith’ and that if it were one of these things, that was a terrible omen since they’d supposedly been extinct for a thousand years.

            What she’d been feeling on Tatooine kept popping back into her mind; that none of this was happening by accident. None of this was coincidental. She felt it with absolute certainty. Whatever had caused the Trade federation to blockade Naboo was far more than a simple dispute over taxation. It was the beginning of something much bigger. Which then stands to reason, if these ‘Sith’ have reappeared and they’re bad, that it was no accident they stumbled across what Qui-Gon believed to be the ‘Chosen One’ of the Jedi; Anakin Skywalker.

            As if on cue, the door to her cabin opened and she looked up. She tried to resist the twitch of her lips, but she didn’t manage it and smiled anyways. She wouldn’t go so far as to say he looked ridiculous, but you might not know he was the same boy that earlier that day had been a slave. He moved towards her so slowly, he must have been terrified he’d rip the clothes or lose his balance.

            “Well?” she asked when he got closer. “How do you feel?”

            “I think I understand why you fight this,” he laughed and then quickly tried to catch the crown they’d put on his head. He caught it before it hit the ground, but strangely, not with his fingers. It floated there, and he stared at it in disbelief and then it landed lightly on the ground, making a resonating sound as it spun for a moment and then came to a stop. They both watched it long after it stopped moving, then he looked up at her face. “Did you do that?” he asked.

            “No. You?” she answered.

            “I don’t know.” He bit his lip. “All I thought I did was try to stop it from falling.”

            “Maybe it’s part of being a Jedi,” she said. He reached down and picked it up. “I’ve heard they can move things with their mind.” He sat down carefully next to her and looked over the crown in his hands.

            “Thank you,” he whispered after awhile. “For all of this.” He gestured to what he was wearing. “It’s nice. I had no idea clothes could be this soft and I don’t mind the heavy fabric, I was cold.”

            “You’re welcome,” she said rolling her lips to stop herself from choking up. She put her hand on his back and rubbed it, wishing she could take him home with her and make sure he had nothing but fine things for the rest of his life. But after what she’d just seen with the crown, he deserved to be trained as a Jedi. And if he really was the ‘Chosen One,’ then the galaxy needed him. Though that was a lot of pressure to put on a little boy. Far more than becoming the queen of one planet.

 

\---

 

            When they finally got to Coruscant, there was nothing but activity all around her. She barely had time to process half of what she was seeing. She followed Padmé from meeting to meeting, she was dressed as the queen again. She tried her hardest to absorb everything, but it was just a jumbled mess of information. Everything had special names, none of the political terminology meant anything to her. Nor did she understand what anybody was really talking about.

            The Jedi had taken Anakin to the temple to be tested and hopefully get approval to train him. She’d wished him luck before he’d left, hoping it wouldn’t be the last time she saw him. He’d still been wearing the clothes Tovash and Zokra had made for him, but he’d removed all the jewelry and left it with them. Though she suspected more of that had been due to Qui-Gon than his own preference.

            She spent most of her time listening to Padmé fighting the senate to send aid to her planet. It seemed like such a black and white issue; a Republic planet was under siege; therefore, the Republic should send aid to help its ally. But proceedings dragged on about this or that. Where would they get the funding? How would they mobilize an army and outfit them that quickly? What hyperspace lanes were available to be used to move that many people? The senators got so swamped debating the minute details, not a single person had spoken up to say, ‘but people are dying!’ Well, at least not until Padmé did.

            Under the advisement of the Naboo senator, Palpatine, she put forth a vote of no confidence in the senate. As she understood it, she was basically calling down Chancellor Valorum and demanding the senate vote for a new leader; one perhaps more willing to act. Padmé bustled about in her room in frustration as they packed up to leave again.

            “I take it they’re not going to send help?” she asked, worried about getting in her friend’s way right now.

            “I don’t know,” Padmé replied in frustration. “Not fast enough anyways. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I’ve plead for my people, I’ve forced the senate to deal with the gridlock and bureaucracy that’s causing problems. There’s nothing more I can do here, but there _is_ something I can do on Naboo!”

            She stepped out of her way as Padmé stormed past her to grab something. “So, talking first didn’t work, huh?” She crossed her arms, almost bemused. She knew it wasn’t funny. None of it was funny. But despite all of it, she really, _really_ wanted to say, ‘I told you so.’ How she managed to stay silent, she had no idea.

            “Ahsoka.” Her friend stopped long enough to frown at her.

            “I’m sorry.” She looked down at her feet feeling ashamed.

            “There are times for talk and time for action. I used up the time for talk and now I’m onto action,” Padmé smirked. “Do you remember how I said that a leader is a symbol for the people?”

            “Yes.”

            “Well, I needed the people to see me trying to be diplomatic first. They needed to see that I can be reasonable and clearheaded and enter negotiations as necessary. Otherwise they might believe me irrational and war hungry if I always fight first and ask questions later.” Her friend looked past her for a moment and got a faraway look. “But since the Republic refuses to act, now I need to be the leader that doesn’t just sit by and wait while my people die in the street.”

            “So, it’s all about how the people see you?” she asked in confusion.

            “That’s part of it, yes,” Padmé replied and then beckoned for her to follow. “Listen, are you sure you won’t change your mind about coming? I can’t guarantee your safety if you return to Naboo.”

            “I don’t need a guarantee,” she said. “But I want to help. Blasters might not be my preferred weapon of choice, but I’m not going to run home with my tail between my legs. Let’s go save your planet!”

            Padmé smiled in spite of herself and patted her softly on her shoulder. “I think I have an idea.”

            “Lead on, queen!” Her friend squeezed her around the shoulder as they headed back towards her ship. They were halfway there when they met up with Qui-Gon, Obi wan, Jar Jar and Anakin.

            “Where are you going, your majesty?” Qui-Gon asked.

            “I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die,” Padmé responded in annoyance. “I don’t have time to wait for the senate to make decisions. My people need me now.”

            “I would advise against it…”

            “I appreciate your advice,” her friend said. “But I have a planet to save.”

            “Then we’re coming too.” Qui-Gon bowed.

            “Thank you, master Jedi.”

            “How’d it go?” Ahsoka fell back to whisper to Anakin.

            “I don’t know.” He looked down at his feet. “The council doesn’t want to train me. They say I’m too old.”

            “What a load of…”

            “Language, your highness,” Tovash interrupted, coming up behind them. She bit her lip.

            “Poodoo.” She leaned down to say it only loud enough for Anakin to hear. He started laughing and she playfully bumped his arm.

            “Qui-Gon told them he was going to train me anyways. They said I was strong in the force. I passed their test. But they said they sensed too much fear in me. And that it was a path to the dark side,” he said sadly as they made their way to the ship. “Am I dangerous?”

            “Of course not,” she replied quickly.

            “They make it sound like I could become a monster.”

            “Monsters aren’t born,” she said adamantly. “They’re made. And you…” She paused long enough to take him by the shoulders. “Are as far from a monster as you could get. Remember what I said before your race?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Prove everyone that ever doubted you wrong.”

            “Ahsoka!” She took his hand and they ran to catch up with the group, the loading ramp closed behind them.

            “You are the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met,” she continued as everyone else got ready to go. “Don’t let them make you doubt yourself. Besides, the Jedi expect people to be fearless? That’s ridiculous! Nobody is fearless. Personally, I don’t think it is fear that could turn you to this dark side they talk about. I think it’s what you do with it. Be afraid but rise above it. Do you see Queen Amidala over there? Perfectly composed, looking as though nothing is getting to her?”

            “Yes.” He looked past her to glance at Padmé who had sat down regally, holding herself high like she didn’t have a care in the world.

            “She’s terrified right now.”

            “Really?”

            “Really.” She smiled reassuringly at him. “But do you think fear is going to stop her from saving her people?” He shook his head. “Fear isn’t what makes you good or bad. It’s what you do when you’re afraid that matters. And you know what? You’re going to be the best Jedi the order has ever seen; fear or no fear. I know it.” His lip trembled and then he threw his arms around her neck and she hugged him tight.

            “Are you afraid?” he asked when he let go.

            “Of some things, yes.”

            “Like what?”

            “The future. That someday my people are going to look to me like the people of Naboo are looking to her right now,” she said softly. “I’m afraid I won’t be the leader they need. I’m afraid I’ll let them down. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint my parents. But you know what I’m the most afraid of?”

            “What?”

            She leaned real close so nobody else could hear her. “My assistants.” He laughed so hard he fell down. And for a few minutes, she forgot about all the horrible stuff out there too. Yeah, she had a lot of fears, but if she let them cripple her, then what?


	5. Repel the Invasion

            The return trip to Naboo consisted mostly of the Jedi trying to talk Queen Amidala out of returning. Which of course, didn’t work. They told her they could only protect her, not fight a war for her. In a way it made sense, but it was yet another political landmine that she herself, didn’t understand. Her excitement was mounting as they got closer. It wasn’t that danger excited her, though it probably had something to do with the thrill of the hunt. Her parents never really liked that she wanted to hunt. As a princess, she was told she didn’t need to. Others would hunt for them. Others would provide. But as usual, her fierce need to both be independent and rebel against her lot in life, she did anyways. After enough arguments, her father gave up telling her not to. She was allowed to participate in the great bhats, even some of the blood sports if she so chose. Those however, were only easy prey and if there was any doubt she’d survive it, the sport was called off and others would intervene. 

            It was the source of massive contention between her and her parents. They treated her as though she were delicate, that she in no way could do the things her people were known for and she didn’t understand. Not only did she not understand, she hated it and she went out of her way to prove to them that she was the exact opposite of delicate. So, when she’d spoken to Anakin about fear as they’d departed Coruscant; she didn’t fear blood, battle, conflict or war. What she feared were stupid things. And buzzing in the back of her brain was the constant fear of failure. That someday, somehow, she’d prove them all right; that their fussing and worry and imposed limitations had existed for good reason.

            She did  _not_  have a death wish, though that’s what her parents called it. Her desire to fight and show physical strength stemmed from her need to prove them wrong. So, the fact that they weren’t here right now, even if they’d probably hear about this later, was the perfect opportunity to stretch her wings. She wasn’t scared of those dumb droids. She wasn’t scared of their blasters, or their tanks. She was more scared of the way her assistants would respond to scars on her skin or her torn clothes, or missing accoutrements. She was scared of the way her parents would react when they found out she fought in a battle. She was scared of hurting Padmé by not being able to help her free her planet. And she was scared that someday this could happen to Shili and she wouldn’t know how to help them.

            If this was the beginning of something bigger she felt an even stronger need to learn how to fight, and lead, for that matter. If this happened on Shili, how would her parents stop it? She didn’t think they could, not really. As Padmé had pointed out, their people were spread out. Communicating with enough of them to repel an invasion like this? Impossible. And Shili was even less involved in the Republic than Naboo. If Naboo was denied aid, Shili certainly would be. No matter what her parents thought, she  _did_  care about her people. That was the main reason she was the way she was. If the leader was the symbol of the people, what kind of leader was she going to be? How did she want to represent them?

            She wanted to lead with strength and compassion. She wanted to be respected. She wanted to fight for freedom, and fight injustice; even if not fighting it was easier. Maybe she even wanted to rebel against the norm. Inspire her people to get involved. To gain allies through friendship and bravery. She didn’t want to sit on a throne looking pretty. She didn’t want to resolve stupid issues grown adults should be able to work out for themselves. She wanted to lead by example. She wanted to live among her people and know them. Building a relationship with them by proving they don’t exist only to serve the royal family. And maybe she didn’t know enough about what being a princess or someday a queen meant, but she didn’t understand why any of that was bad. Or why everyone seemed to think she had it all wrong.

            To distract herself from her doubts and excitement, she spent most of the trip with Anakin in the cockpit as the pilot happily gave simple lessons on how to fly and what all the different controls were and what the buttons did. Anakin seemed to understand it better than she did, but she enjoyed listening just the same. Corvala had a spaceport, so there were ships around on Shili. But just like everything else she wasn’t allowed to do, why would her parents teach her how to fly? They wouldn’t understand why she’d want to. She could already imagine the argument with them about it.

            By the time they got to Naboo, she was certain she could at least get a ship in the air. After that, well… flying was the least of her concern right now, however. It was time to put Padmé’s plan into action. They’d barely slipped past the droid control ship, but they’d landed far from the capital city. Jar Jar had gone to the gungan city to meet with their leader and beg them for help. Unfortunately though, he returned empty handed. The gungans had deserted their city. So, they packed up their stuff and followed him deep into the swamplands where they went in times of trouble. A sacred place, he’d called it. 

            “You feel that?” She bumped Anakin on the arm.

            “Yeah,” he said thoughtfully. “This place is magical.”

            “It’s strong in the force,” Obi Wan said, stepping forward. 

            “What does that mean?” she asked, but they didn’t get a chance to continue their conversation as they entered a clearing full of gungans watching their every move. 

            Sabé stepped forward, once again disguised as the queen and introduced herself. Begging the gungans to help them free Naboo. 

            Ahsoka looked around absorbing everything. The gungans were dressed relatively simply but they were armored and carried weapons. They were definitely a warrior race, which was odd because supposedly they stayed out of conflicts involving the surface dwellers. But she liked them. There was a feel to them, it reminded her of home. Her people weren’t warriors in the same sense, but if necessary, they could potentially be organized into an army. 

            She glanced back at the royal envoy as Padmé stepped forward and revealed herself as the real queen. She almost laughed out loud at everyone’s surprise. Especially the Jedi and Anakin. 

            “Padmé is the queen?” he whispered in awe as they all knelt down before the gungans to help her win them over. 

            “Yep,” she answered with a smirk. 

            “How come she didn’t want anybody to know?” he asked. “You didn’t hide that you were royalty.”

            “Her handmaidens are also her bodyguards. They sometimes act as decoys when her life is threatened. Even if I wanted to do the same thing, the people on Shili are far too diverse to find stand ins that look like me. I’m not the one being targeted, so it doesn’t matter if people know I’m royalty,” she explained. “Besides, my assistants don’t understand the meaning of going undercover.” She rolled her eyes. He giggled, but then fell silent as their attention was drawn back to the leader of the gungans who had started laughing. Everyone shifted nervously unsure of what _he_ was laughing about.

            She didn’t really like begging on her knees before people for help, but Padmé was trying to prove a point; that the surface dwellers were no better than the gungans and that they all depended on each other for survival. She chewed on her lip for a moment in deep thought. Would she someday have to beg her own people for help? How would they feel if their leader knelt before them? Would that be seen as honorable or weak? Togruta thrived on showing strength. So, she had a hunch that begging on her knees would have the opposite effect as this. 

            Once the gungans agreed to join forces, Padmé laid out the plan. The resistance members and pilots would get into the hanger and attempt to destroy the droid control ship. Meanwhile the gungans would draw as many droids and troops out of the city and keep them busy so a small force lead by Padmé and the Jedi could capture the viceroy. 

            “Come on, Ahsoka,” Padmé called as they prepared to move out. 

            “No offense, my friend, but I’m tired of sneaking around. I’m going with the gungans,” she said in response. 

            “That is far too dangerous,” Qui-Gon said, in a tone that sounded a bit too much like her parents. She dug in her heels. 

            “My mind is made up. Thank you for your concern.” She started towards Boss Nass and Jar Jar. Anakin ran up and threw his arms around her. 

            “Are you sure you won’t reconsider?” he asked, his blue eyes wide. She patted him softly on the shoulder. 

            “I’ll be fine. I’m a warrior, it’s in my blood.” She hoped she was right about that. “I’ll see you at the victory celebration.”

            “Be careful,” he whispered. 

            “You too.” She hugged him again. “Artoo!” she called to the droid. He beeped in response. “You watch out for him okay?” 

            She followed the gungans to their staging area. One of the generals brought her a kaadu to ride. It was a tall two-legged creature with a long snout and a long tail. It seemed awkwardly balanced, it amazed her that it could even stand upright. Long feathers plumed from the back of the saddle. She climbed up on it and took the reins. 

            “Princess!” Tovash called as he and Zokra caught up with her. “What will we tell your parents if you get yourself killed?” She pulled off some of the tighter pieces of jewelry and dropped them and her shawl into their hands. 

            “Tell them you failed to protect me!” she said indignantly, not really caring in that moment what her parents would think. 

            “But your highness, we’re not your bodyguards,” Zokra said in annoyance. 

            “Then stay down and let me handle this!” She kicked off her floppy shoes and took an electrified spear from one of the gungan soldiers that handed it to her. She hit it on the ground and smiled as it crackled to life. 

            “This is a bad idea,” Tovash grumbled. “What if you don’t know what you’re doing?”

            “Then I won’t have to hear you say 'I told you so,'” she muttered.

            “What was that?” Tovash asked since she was drowned out when one of the gungans blew a horn. 

            “Be safe,” she said instead, deciding it was better not to repeat her previous sentiment. “And have a little faith in your future queen.”

            At the mention of her becoming queen, they both bowed respectfully. She supposed it was easy to forget that their nuisance ward would someday be the leader of their people. She wished she could forget that, but nobody stopped hounding her about it long enough  _to_  forget it. 

            She took a deep breath and watched them as they moved off to a safe distance, hiding among the trees. Then she turned to see Jar Jar struggling to get onto his kaadu. Once he finally made it up, she kicked the creature to move over and join ranks between general Tarpals and Jar Jar. 

            “We’sa honored to fight with you, queenie,” Jar Jar said.

            “Thank you,” she replied, deciding not to correct him. “I’m honored to fight with you as well.”

            The horns blew again, and they started marching across the plains. Maybe she was being foolish to fight on the frontlines of a war that wasn’t even her own. But she felt a sense of pride and a rush of power as they led a massive army towards the city. She couldn’t swallow the feeling that someday she was going to do this again. Someday she’d be marching not with the gungans but with her own people. She didn’t understand why she felt that way, this was an isolated incident. And she was only fourteen trying to prove herself to people that didn’t really care. But marching side by side with people willing to fight and die for a greater good, kept ramping up the feeling that there was a bigger world out there, and one as Anakin had said, she was destined to be a part of. Maybe it didn’t matter what her parents thought. Maybe at the end of the day, it only mattered that she followed that deeper drive. That call that told her she was meant to do more. To _be_ more. That’s what she was following now. Just like Anakin had said before his podrace, it was like she knew this wasn’t where it ended for her. This was only the beginning. She’d never been more sure of anything. 

            General Tarpals called for them to stop and turn on the shield. She closed her eyes feeling the shift and anticipation of those around her. The shuffling of feet, the electric staves whistling in the air, the smell of grass but also animal dung and sweat. She absorbed all of it, listening, feeling... the invisible connection that seemed to tie them all together. She became aware of heartbeats and subtle breaths, of animal snorts and echoing pings of boomas bouncing off each other in their carts. She felt the planet itself swell in silence as though it too held its breath; waiting, anticipating, anxious. An eerie silence fell and then a distant rumble. She felt the buzz of the electric shield fall down through the air around them, a staticky feeling raced up and down her arms. The distant hum of tanks as they peaked the hills, rumbling towards them like an unnatural ocean. 

            Then they stopped, the front hatches creaking open, racks of droids grinding forward and were dropped in rows of deadly packages. Her eyes snapped open at the deafening sound of their simultaneous stand, and turn, caulking their blasters and pointing them forward. 

            It was hard to wait as they marched towards them. It was hard to hold and let them lead as catapults were fired and small pockets of droids went down hardly decreasing the waves of pale brown racing towards them. 

            Another call went out as they burst through the shield and chaos erupted. She kicked her kaadu into action, racing forward. She swung her electric staff at anything that dared to fire on her. Knocking droid after droid down as she sped through. Despite the sheer number of them, they were terrible shots and were easily broken or deactivated by electrocution. 

            The world around her slowed, a kind of blur as she seemed to move faster than everything else. She launched off her mount into a group of them and swung around, first forward at one, back for the one behind her, a long sweep taking out three at a time. Her eyes were narrowed and focused as she growled and trilled, destroying anything that she got near enough to hit. She lost herself in the battle dance, dodging blaster fire, flipping and twirling around. She mentally counted the number that fell to her staff, a score she felt needed to be known. Not to brag, but as a sense of pride. 

            She ducked under a tank turret, leapt to the top and caught a booma from a nearby soldier, tossing it into the tank and closing the hatch. The whole tank shuddered violently, careening to the side and she called for the gungans to get out of the way as it dragged through the ground wiping out dozens of its own. 

            She flipped off it and landed back on her kaadu, racing back through the battle to help take out the straggling droids that had slipped through their lines.

            She felt a sudden rush of disappointment when general Tarpals called for a retreat. But for the first time since the battle started, she saw the devastation around her, not just the enemy. A heaviness settled on her chest as she saw so many dead soldiers, probably outnumbering the destruction of the droids. Then she remembered that they were not supposed to win this battle, only keep them occupied long enough for Padmé and the others to do their part. She hated the idea of fleeing, but for now, it was necessary. No more should have to sacrifice themselves. 

            She looked up when she felt something. A huge explosion was just barely visible through the clouds. The gungans around her let out a cheer as the droids stopped around them and fell to the ground. The control ship… the pilots had succeeded. She stood in the stirrups and let out a loud whoop that was echoed by the hundreds still standing around them. Horns blew, drums pounded. Victory, but a strange victory. She hoped Padmé had managed to capture the viceroy too.

            Her heart raced as she looked around at the celebrating soldiers. Despite the danger of the battle, she’d never felt more alive than she did right then. And she swore to herself in that moment, that when the day came for her to take her place as queen… she would lead her people through and celebrate the victory at the end.


	6. Parting Ways

            She stared at the dirt, listening to the crackling flames. The victory mood had soured considerably when they’d heard the news that Qui-Gon had been killed by that creature that had chased them on Tatooine. She chewed on her lip, questioning everything. How eager she’d been to fight that Sith simply to escape the wrath of her assistants. Maybe she didn’t really understand the dangers that existed in the other parts of the galaxy. She’d been so eager to prove herself, to fight battles that weren’t her own; she’d even fought in a war she didn’t fully understand. She’d seen the death toll. She’d seen the hundreds of dead soldiers lying around her; people that had been trained to fight, people that were used to it... and  _they’d_  been killed.  _She_  could have easily been the one to fall in any of their places. Maybe she  _did_  have a death wish.

            She felt Anakin shiver next to her. Though it wasn’t until she turned that she wondered how she’d felt it, since they weren’t close enough to be touching. She put her arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. He held her tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks. She wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t know how. She was scared too. Qui-Gon’s death had more than changed the mood, it unearthed a lot of doubts. How little she’d truly respected mortality, foolishly believing that she was stronger than she probably was. 

            She wasn’t yet ready to admit that she was wrong about what being a leader meant, but maybe she was wrong about some of it. A Jedi master had fallen to a monster. So many people, including herself, had always believed that Jedi were near impossible to kill. Even Anakin had said that at the dinner table back on Tatooine. They were mythical warriors as far as the rest of the galaxy was concerned. Their power made them seem invincible, but they were made of flesh and blood too. 

            She glanced over at Obi Wan who was standing on Anakin’s other side almost stoically. His face betrayed little, but she felt deeper waves of pain beneath his eyes. He had the hood of his robe up, the rest of it wrapped tightly around him. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he looked afraid too. The Jedi who had killed the monster, was just as afraid as the boy who didn’t know what his future held now. He looked lost in thought, and she watched the reflection of the flames in his normally soft blue eyes. 

            Only Qui-Gon had agreed to train Anakin, from what she’d heard, Obi Wan had expressed only doubts over the idea. What would happen to him now? Would they send him back to his mother? Would he become a slave again? As far as she was concerned, he not only deserved his freedom, he’d earned it. It was him that had destroyed the droid control ship. Victory had been assured because of his actions when he’d fought in a war that wasn’t his either. She squeezed him tighter feeling suddenly protective of him. Well, as far as she was concerned, if the Jedi refused him, she was taking him home with her. Then she’d find a way to get his mother to Shili too. 

            Holding him so close, she could have sworn she was feeling everything he was. How awful it must be to have your future laid out before you in such a promising way, even if it was scary to leave everything you’ve ever known behind, only to have it seem to die with the person that offered it to you. She looked around at the others gathered before the funeral pyre. Everyone was so quiet, lost in their own little worlds.

            “What will happen to me now?” he asked finally, looking up at her through the tears. Her heart wrenched in her chest. Shili was nothing like Tatooine, but surely he could find a sense of home there.

            “The council has agreed to let me train you,” Obi wan said before she could make her offer. She looked down at her feet and let go of him as he turned to look at the other Jedi. She was happy for him, but also strangely disappointed and oddly confused. The council had not wanted him to be trained when Qui-Gon had asked them, yet they willingly agreed to let Obi wan, who wasn’t even a knight himself, train the boy? It really was none of her business, but she felt the sudden need to ask why they’d agreed.

            “Did you hear that?” He turned to her, his face lit up in excitement and the words caught in her throat. “I’m going to be a Jedi!” She swallowed her thought and pretended to smile.

            “You’ll be the best Jedi ever, I know it,” she said. She slipped away from the group when he got distracted by something else. She stood at the edge of the forest staring across the plains. She should be happy for him, she didn’t understand why she wasn’t. Had she really gotten that attached to him in such a short amount of time?

            She liked him of course, he was a sweet boy with such a big heart despite the circumstances of his young life. He could do so much good as a Jedi, she had no claim to his future. He was five years younger than her, it was amazing they’d hit it off so well, but he was the type of person that made the whole world seem so much bigger. His curiosity as endless as her own. She could imagine them running across the plains and sneaking up on animals. She could picture the colorful world she could introduce him to. The crazy traditions that everyone else thought were weird. But then again, maybe Shili would be incredibly boring to him compared to what he desired in life. Maybe the reason she’d miss him the most was because he was like her.

            It was something she couldn’t quite articulate, but she felt it in the deepest reaches of her soul. He was the first person she’d ever met that she felt understood her. Even though they’d hardly spoken of her life and her world, she knew it like she knew the fingers on her hands. He was a kindred spirit. He experienced life the way she did. He felt all the hidden things she feared uttering aloud. And maybe she’d secretly been hoping that if she took him home, together they could convince her parents that their limitations were stupid.

            She heard a soft whirring sound and turned around to see Artoo traversing the bumpy, root infested ground of the forest trying to get to her. “Hey buddy,” she whispered. She was going to miss this droid too. It beeped and whirred sounding concerned. She wished she knew what he was saying, she loved that he could whistle feelings, but also that he was intelligent enough to recognize emotions, it was almost as though he was sentient too. She didn’t know a lot about droids, but she thought that was impossible, though many droids had unique personalities. She patted his dome, unsure how to explain what she was feeling this time. Then she sat down in the grass and leaned back against a tree.

            He beeped a few more times and then bounced back and forth between his two main appendages. She smiled sadly as she watched him, imagining the kind of story he was telling, or whatever he was doing to cheer her up. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect and eventually the emotions overwhelmed her, and she dropped her face on her knees. She didn’t really know why she felt like pouring her heart out to the droid, but despite not being able to understand him, he was a really good listener. And tomorrow it felt as though she’d be leaving three friends behind; Padmé, Anakin _and_ Artoo. Part of her dreaded going home to the life she’d been fighting for so long, even if she felt a new sense of purpose. It frustrated her that she both felt like learning all this stuff had helped her, but also made becoming queen that much scarier.

 

\---

 

            The victory celebration and parade had passed in a blur of noise and color. A stark contrast to the solemnness of the funeral. It was an honor to witness the joining of two people who for so long had despised and fought each other. The reception of the remaining gungans through the streets of Theed had been amazing.

            She stood stiffly off to the side, jealous of Padmé’s loose flowing white gown, even with her hair done up and heavy makeup and the feathery shoulders and fan behind her head, she looked far more comfortable than she did. Her assistants had decided for such a dramatic celebration they had to deck her out more than normal. Which meant a tight corset, long heavy layered skirt, long thick furred sleeves with leather bracers. Pounds of beaded necklaces stooped her posture and an elaborate headdress of beads and long feathers made doorways a nightmare. It felt like a miracle she was both standing and even able to move. Every time she turned her head, she was certain she whacked somebody, though nobody told her if she had.

            She attempted to curtsy when the new Chancellor, Palpatine, greeted Queen Amidala, but she lost her balance. If Anakin hadn’t caught her, she probably would have ended bottom side up and unable to move. It was a warm day already, but she was starting to feel faint covered in so much thick fabric and furs, not to mention the corset that could have probably snapped a twig in half it was so tight. Did Tovash and Zokra really need to exaggerate the fact that she had no figure like her friend? Not that she really cared to impress anyone, but she hated her scrawny gangly body.

            The music was uplifting and upbeat, she loved the sounds and joy. Colored confetti and paper strips flew through the air as well wishers showered the gungans with praise for their bravery. Jar Jar, Boss Nass and General Tarpals had felt she should ride with them through the city since she too had helped them fight out there on the plains. But before she’d been able to agree, her assistants had swept her away to ready her for the ceremony. As much fun as that might have been, she would rather they be praised for their involvement than her. She was only one person and hardly made the difference one way or another. If anyone deserved to be part of the parade it was Anakin, who was now wearing Jedi robes and had gotten his hair cut; except for a long thin braid down his right side and a ponytail tied back behind him. It was a weird look and hard to get used to. But he seemed happy and excited for the future.

            The two of them and Padmé had played games last night, well into the evening. The first time since the invasion she’d gotten to relax and enjoy her friend’s company. Though she counted all of her adventures as fun. Padmé had been disgusted that both her and Anakin had been too good at hide and seek. But it was understandable really, Anakin could use the force; which was part of being a Jedi- already receiving some training from Obi Wan. And she could hear and smell really well. Padmé, always heavily laden in flowery perfume, was easy to follow through the palace. Anakin was fast, but not as quiet as he thought he was. At one-point Artoo had joined in and surprisingly, he ended up as the winner. Though she was certain he’d cheated being able to scan his surroundings. 

            Their games had allowed them all to forget for awhile that their time together was coming to an end. But now as the parade had ended, goodbyes were next. Once no longer in the public eye, she’d pulled off her corset and at least three layers of her skirt. She’d dropped the fur and taken off the heavy boots and gloves, along with the majority of the necklaces. Her assistants trailed behind her picking up everything she discarded, and to her surprise, didn’t say a word about her taking them off.

            She glanced over her shoulder at them. They both looked as though they had bugs in their mouth that they were attempting to swallow. She stopped walking and crossed her arms. “I’m waiting,” she said.

            “For what?” Zokra feigned ignorance.

            “For your complaining to start up again.”

            “We don’t complain, do we?” Tovash looked at Zokra.

            “You kind of do,” Anakin whispered, and she started laughing before she could stop herself.

            Tovash scowled at him, though there was a twitch of a smile anyways. She waited for them to say it, since she’d opened the door, but to her surprise, they both bowed instead. “Your highness,” he said respectfully. “What you did out there on the battlefield was very brave. I know we’ve had our disagreements, but we were proud to witness your strength.”

            “You will lead Shili to greatness,” Zokra said in agreement. She blinked between them in surprise. Their sudden change was confusing. It wasn’t until Anakin elbowed her that she finally found her voice.

            “Thank you,” she said, still somewhat in awe.

            “We dress you the way we do to represent our people,” Tovash started carefully. “But during that battle, you represented us far better than any outfit ever would.” They both bowed again and moved past her towards the landing platform to load up their ship. She watched them go, still somewhat dumbstruck by the things that they had said.

            “They’re right, you know?” Anakin said after a moment and she glanced down at him. “You’ll make a brilliant leader.”

            She smiled at him. “So will you.”

            “Do you think we’ll see each other again?” he asked quietly.

            “I hope so.” She knelt down in front of him, then she reached inside her dress and pulled out the carved bone he’d given her on Tatooine. With the help of her assistants, she’d fashioned it into a necklace. “You remember our talk that night you gave me this?” He nodded. “We’re both meant for bigger things, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. We’re both going to prove everyone wrong.” She hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go or say goodbye. She knew in her gut, this wasn’t the last time she’d see him, but she was also certain it would be awhile before she’d get to see him again. She was really going to miss him. “You take care, you hear? And don’t let the Jedi turn you into a stick in the mud too!”

            He laughed and kissed her on the cheek and she smiled at him. Obi Wan came around the corner at the end of the hall and called for him to come. “Goodbye princess,” he said sadly. It was time for them to head back to Coruscant, to the Jedi temple, to a new life.  

            “Goodbye.” She waved after him. Her eyes followed him all the way down the hallway and lingered there long after he’d disappeared. 

            She’d been away from home for several weeks now, it was time to go. But as much as she loved Shili, she didn’t want to go back. She didn’t yet know how she’d explain what happened to her parents. She didn’t know if she could articulate the things she’d felt and experienced. She didn’t know if they’d understand. She thought about what her assistants had said. They saw her show of strength out there on the battlefield as a positive representation of her people. For the first time it felt like people were starting to understand her, but she also knew she had a lot to learn about life and how to lead.

            As if Padmé could sense the word ‘lead,’ she appeared at the end of the hall, followed by Artoo. She couldn’t help but laugh when she watched her trying to hurry towards her, constricted by the gown she was wearing. 

            “Thank goodness I caught you,” her friend said breathlessly. “I thought you were going to leave without saying goodbye.”

            “Of course not,” she replied and patted Artoo. He beeped a happy greeting as well. 

            Padmé threw her arms around her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Whoops,” she exclaimed, quickly trying to wipe of the lipstick she’d just left on her face. “Forgot about the makeup.” Her friend sounded sheepish, and nothing like the stoic queen she’d been all throughout this turmoil. “I’m sorry our leadership lessons got cut short. You’ll have to come back some time and we’ll continue them.”

            “I’d love to come visit,” she replied. “But you know, Padmé, I think I learned more about what it means to lead because of all of this.”

            “Oh yeah?” Her face lit up. Well, it was hard to tell with the makeup, but it had. 

            “You truly are a symbol of your people, and if they’re even half of what you are, they’re amazing.” She curtsied before her friend. “Thank you for everything. And showing me what it means to lead by example.”

            “Thank you,” Padmé said humbly and bowed before her. “Thank you for your words and your help.” It was her turn to pat Artoo. “And I thought, well I... I’d like you to have Artoo.”

            “Are you sure?” she blurted out in surprise, suddenly giddy. 

            “Yes, I’m sure. He’s taken a liking to you, and you seem to be so fond of him,” Padmé smiled. 

            “I am!” She threw her arms around her friend’s neck. “Thank you!”

            “You’re welcome, princess. Goodbye, and be well.”


	7. Unfinished Business

            The people bowed before her as she walked through the streets. Her assistants had wanted to call her a rickshaw, but after the five-day journey home, she badly needed to stretch her legs. Artoo wheeled along behind her whirring and beeping as if to tell her his impression of the place. She was endlessly curious about his insights, she was going to have to learn how to understand him. She nodded to all those that bowed, feeling stupid at the attention she received. Even the aliens in Corvala knew who she was and showed their respect. She suddenly missed Anakin and Padmé, who didn’t stand on ceremony around her.

            Tovash and Zokra wouldn’t be far behind, staying to unload the ship and send a cart of luggage back to the palace. Since they weren’t close enough to fight her, she half thought about pulling off some of the things they’d put on her. But at least here on Shili, they dressed her in a manner better suited to the weather. She supposed away from Shili, they felt the need to show off everything, not just enough to get the point across.

            She smiled at the shopkeepers that all tried to give her gifts as she wandered through the markets. It was impolite to refuse them, so by the time she made it home, she was laden in more than her assistants usually put on her. She should know better than to go through that part of town, but she loved the colors and the bustle of activity. It was one of the few places on Shili she felt like she could slip into the crowd. Those closest to her always reacted to her presence though, and she probably stood out far more than it felt like. 

            Corvala itself wound around one of the higher mountains in the area. The crooked, rainbow stones cobbled their way up the slope. The spaceport sat near the bottom across the main river; Meht Nahgi. Or in basic, ‘water mother.’  _Very creative,_  she smirked. But just like most places on Shili, nearly every important tributary or location was preceded by the word ‘mother.’ Shili itself was often referred to as  _the_  mother. Mothers were the highest, most respected beings here. From their womb, life. Women are the providers. They’re akin to deities as far as most are concerned.

            Her father was the King, only because his parents did not give birth to a girl. Her mother married into the royal family, therefore she was only a Princess like herself. She briefly wondered how her mother felt knowing that her daughter would be a Queen, and she never would. Most people referred to her mother as the Queen, but officially, she was only a Princess.

            If she were to only have one child, it would be the leader of her people whether it was a boy or a girl. If she were to give birth to a boy and a girl, even if the boy was older, the girl would be the next in line for the throne. If she gave birth to more than one of either gender, the oldest would always be the first in line. The strangest part about how all of it worked was that how long you ruled depended on your child or children. The heir becomes King or Queen when they turn twenty-six, automatically pushing the previous ruler off the throne. In the case of two siblings of the same gender, the older might rule first, but only until the younger comes of age. Then the younger one would take over until one of them had children and their heir turned twenty-six. The only time this was circumvented was if you had two girls and one boy. If the boy was the youngest, both girls would rule regardless of whether or not the boy comes of age. But if the boy were the first to have an heir, their child would take his sister’s place. It was yet another tradition she didn’t fully understand.

            Most Togruta women come of age and marry by the time they’re sixteen, but the royal family is forced to delay marriage until they’re in their twenties. Even if she wanted to marry someone before that, she wasn’t allowed. That being said, she was supposed to pick someone by the time she took the throne. She made a face to herself. Marriage was the last thing she wanted to think about right now. She had at least six years before she even had to think about it. Probably one of the few things that was nice about being princess, she didn’t have to pick a mate in the next two years.

            She took the long route up the hill to the palace. After passing the lower city and the market, then came the winding ramp up to the bridge. The bridge took you from the lower plateau to the higher one, over Meht Nahgi and to the palace entrance. There were tramways from the lower city to take you above the rooftops to a portico on the lower plateau. None that went directly to the palace though. Most people used those to move about the city quickly. From the palace portico, there was one directly to the market, to the spaceport, to the arena and other various locations around town. She often felt lazy taking them, so if given the freedom to walk, she’d wander the streets first. It wasn’t an easy climb, but she enjoyed it.

            She stopped at the head of the bridge and took a deep breath, looking across towards the palace. It was a beautiful structure with several towers of varying heights. The roof lines were curved and smooth, flowing in a wave much like the hills and mountains. They resembled many of the iconic huts scattered across Shili but on a much larger scale. The walls were brightly painted, the towers peaked with shapes resembling their horns. Balconies jutted off in all directions to allow for maximum viewing. Many were draped in flowers and climbing vines. Bordering the sheer drop down to the river valley were thick stone walls with multi-faceted arches with intricate carvings and colors.

            Though the palace dominated the upper plateau, it fit beautifully in with the landscape and represented everything that Shili was known for. There were symbols of strength and beauty. Worship of the land and the hunt. Color and craftsmanship covered every inch without detracting from the natural abundance of the planet. The tallest tower was by far her favorite. At the top was a beautiful observatory that could be opened to gaze at the millions of stars that dominated the sky. It also contained a collection of books and journals from other worlds, stories of their ancestors full of pictures and stunning artwork. Carved stone and gold stairs that led up to a 360-degree vantage point. From the top you could swear you could see, hear and smell the whole planet. 

            She loved to lay there, on a pile of furs and cushions and experience the world she wasn’t allowed to be a part of. Imagining laughter and stories and traditions. Sometimes she could swear voices carried across the grasslands or through the wind as if she was really there. It was the only way she ever felt connected to the people outside the palace. From the top of the tower she could smell drying flowers and roasting meats, endless combinations of spices, along with foreign delicacies she didn’t recognize. She could hear music, driving drums and softer flutes and reeds. She could hear strings resonate across the breeze. Sometimes it felt like she could close her eyes and traverse the landscape, taking in all the sights as though she were an invisible observer.       Sometimes it felt like she could cast her consciousness to the wingmaw as they cackled overhead. Or even the convors and other various beasts. On their backs she could see the whole planet; the endless ocean of turu-grass as they drifted across the plains in golden stalks with an ombré spectrum of color. Dotted with occasional trees with light bark and red or orange leaves, speckled with blossoms and bursts of color. She loved the warm colored soil and the rainbow pebbled beaches. The blue-green-violet waves of oceans and rivers. The green and yellow peaks of mountains that spotted the horizon.

            Whatever her frustrations and fears, Shili was home. Wherever she wanted to wander, it would always be a part of her. But as beautiful as all of this was, she wanted more. And maybe that made her greedy, but she couldn’t explain the way her soul seemed to transcend this one planet. The way it yearned for farther distances. The way the stars called her name like she belonged among them.  _There had to be more_. 

            “Ah, princess,” Tovash and Zokra hurried across the bridge towards her. “You made it. It’s time to get you ready to see your parents. They’re anxiously awaiting your return.”

            She put her hands up and they stopped. “First thing’s first,” she said. “I have a job for you Tovash.”

            “What is it, your highness?”

            “I want you to gather as many fineries as you can, specifically precious metals. Anything trade-worthy that we can spare. Since there’s plenty of it around here. Then I want you to find a way to trade that stuff for peggats…”

            “Princess…” he started, and she again put up her hand. He fell silent.

            “Then I want you to take the ship and go back to Tatooine. In Mos Espa, there is a junk dealer known as Watto. This toydarian has a slave named Shmi Skywalker. Buy her for me. No matter what the cost. Buy her and bring her here,” she finished cooly.

            “You want me to buy you a slave?” he asked in surprise.

            “Yes, I want you to buy me a slave. Not just any slave, this one.” She patted Artoo who kindly projected an image of Shmi into the air between them. “Don’t come back without her.”

            “But your parents…”

            “I’ll deal with my parents,” she interrupted. “Now go. Take some men with you, especially intimidating ones in case Watto gives you a hard time. And make sure you don’t leave Tatooine until he disables the bomb in her head.”

            “The what?” Zokra asked in disbelief.

            “The bomb.” She gritted her teeth.

            “I wouldn’t know the first thing about peggats or currency, your highness,” Tovash said thoughtfully. The mention of there being a bomb in Shmi’s head, seemed to change his tone about this mission. 

            “Ask the aliens in the market. Someone has to know,” she said. Then she turned to Zokra.             “Okay, I’m ready.”

            “Very well, Princess.” Tovash bowed to her and headed back across the bridge.

            “I’m not sure why you need a slave when you have us,” Zokra murmured thoughtfully.

            “I don’t need a slave,” she said indignantly. “I want to free her.”

            “Does this have to do with that boy?” he asked as they started towards the palace.

            “Yes,” she said simply.

            “It’s a noble gesture, but I’m not sure your parents would approve,” Zokra whispered after a moment. But she noticed there was respect in his tone, something she only noticed because it wasn’t usually there. He sounded more like he had on Naboo when they’d praised her strength on the battlefield.

            She reached out and set her hand on his shoulder and he turned his light purple face towards her. “Times are changing, my friend,” she said softly.  “It’s time for Shili to look beyond the grasslands, the ocean and the stars.”

            He bowed deeply. “Our people are steeped in tradition, it will be difficult to change their minds, but I feel it too. What happened on Naboo is only the beginning. And someday our people will look to you to save them as only you can.” She felt her heart clench and a surge of annoyance at the reminder she would someday be Queen, but then she took a deep breath and thought about what he’d said. He said only she could save them,  _no pressure_. She rolled her eyes when he turned away. 

            As much as she hated it, she believed that too. Maybe she’d never put words to it before, but that was the underlying drive of her behavior. She knew sitting on a throne in a cushy life would not save her people. And though at the moment, it made no sense that her people would ever be in danger from the rest of the galaxy, she couldn’t shake the feeling that bad things were coming. Bad things were coming, and she needed to be prepared.

            Right now, it was just a battle on Naboo over a stupid disagreement of taxation. Maybe the start of change began with the freeing of a slave and his mother. But she knew in the inner reaches of every piece of her being that all of it was connected. All of it.

            Saving Shmi wasn’t just the right thing to do, it was absolutely necessary, even if she didn’t know why. If she tried to explain that to anyone, she was certain they’d laugh in her face whether she was the princess or not. So, it was just another thing she’d feel and keep to herself.

 

\---

 

            She paced the halls in agitation and restlessness. Tovash had been gone for two and a half weeks with no word as to what was taking so long. She’d known it wouldn’t be a quick turnaround, Tatooine itself was a good six-day flight from Shili. But despite what she’d told her parents, she was antsy for Shmi to arrive for other reasons too. After her adventures on Naboo, Tatooine and Coruscant, falling back into the grind of what her people considered normal had been hard. At least with only Zokra here, she didn’t get fussed over so badly.

            Her assistant seemed to have lightened up considerably too. He’d been much more patient and considerate of her wants and needs, which she greatly appreciated. Her father had practically drilled her about her excursion and what she’d learned about being a leader from her friend. Her answers must have been satisfactory because eventually he let the subject rest. Though his favorite thing to do now seemed to be to randomly remind her of things Padmé had taught her.  _Just like your friend said_ … and on and on and on.

            She had yet to try and talk to her father about her deeper feelings of the matter. She still wasn’t sure he’d understand. So for now, she sat as patiently as she could manage during meals and escaped the endless lecturing as often as she could. Artoo at least alleviated much of her boredom because he was an endless source of information. On the third night back, they’d snuck out of the palace and down to the spaceport where he’d plugged into the information database and downloaded as much information as he could on all sorts of things. The rest of the time was spent mainly in the tower pouring over the information he shared with her.

            She’d slowly started to make sense of his beeps, but sometimes he’d get impatient with her. There was a pattern to it, but it was so far removed from the languages she already knew, it was difficult to completely absorb. She wondered if Shmi would come with the droid that Anakin had built. She really hoped so. As weird as that droid was, he could potentially help translate some of the massive texts in aurebesh and better help her understand Artoo.

            “Princess,” Zokra hurried down the hallway towards her, where she’d perched on one of the balconies overlooking the city below. “They’ve returned.” She was on her feet racing past him, pausing only briefly enough to thank him. By the time she’d made it through the endless corridors down to the entrance, the tram had rattled its way to the Portico station on the other side of the bridge.

            She took a deep breath and tried to stand like she was in her element, but her excitement was bubbling over and it was hard to hold still. Her parents hadn’t understood why she’d sent Tovash after a slave and she’d made up some excuse for it. When drilled on her adventure, she’d been careful not to tell her parents about their side-trip to Tatooine. She’d told them about going with Padmé to Coruscant to experience the innerworkings of the senate and the Republic. She’d carefully left out any hint that she’d been in danger at any point in time. So, she’d had to lie and tell them that she’d met Shmi on Naboo and had befriended her.

            They’d figure out the truth soon enough, if it even mattered to them one way or another. But another advantage to being royalty was sometimes you could just say you wanted something, and people would get it for you. It was a power she used rarely because other than her need to wander, there wasn’t much to want for on Shili. Everything you could possibly need was available in abundance. There was no greed or fights over money. There was enough food and water to support the scattered tribes. Most tribes were sedentary but could mobilize and move to other territories if there was scarcity. Nearly all the people were as rich as the royal family, they just didn’t live in the palace. Most of her whims were met simply because her parents wanted to keep her out of trouble. So, if she said she wanted a droid, they’d give her one. Or a slave from another planet? Didn’t matter. It wasn’t like the palace didn’t have enough space for her to bring people here and put them up. 

            It was hard to contain her grin when she saw Shmi start across the bridge with Tovash. Threepio bumbled behind her and another couple of men followed carrying luggage.

            “Your highness.” Shmi bowed before her. “It is good to see you again. How may I serve you?”

            She started in surprise realizing that she’d only told Zokra she wasn’t bringing Shmi here to be her slave. She threw her arms around the woman’s neck. “You’re not here to serve me,” she whispered in her ear. “I bought your freedom.” She took her hand. “Come on, I want to show you your room.”

            “My room?” Shmi asked in surprise.

            “Yes, your room,” she said. “Unless you don’t want to stay here.” She looked up at her sadly. “I mean, you’re free now. You don’t have to stay on Shili if you don’t want to.”

            Anakin’s mother smiled softly. “I’m sure I could stay for a little while at least. Since you were kind enough to free me.”

            She felt a burst of joy in her chest. “It’s very different from Tatooine, but I think you’ll like it.” She talked excitedly, pointing out details to her as they made their way through the palace. On the eighth level, down the hall from her own room, she opened a pair of doors. This suite was only a little smaller than her own.

            “My goodness,” Shmi exclaimed when she saw it.

            “It’s all yours, make yourself at home,” she said happily. She pulled her inside. “It has its own refresher through that door, and a balcony over there and another one at the end of the hall. The bed should be more than comfortable but if you need more pillows or blankets, feel free to ask.” She paused long enough to let Shmi take it all in, turning a slow circle looking decidedly overwhelmed. “My room is just down the hall. The palace can be a little confusing to get used to, but anybody around will help you find your way if I’m not available.” As if she wouldn’t be available. She had nothing better to do for now. “Do you like it?”

            “It’s beautiful,” the woman said softly, a hint of tears in her eyes. “But are you sure you don’t have a smaller room? Surely you have more important people for rooms like this?” She stepped forward and squeezed her hands.

            “You are important to me,” she said. “You took us in when we needed help. It’s the least I can do to repay the favor. Besides, we have dozens of rooms just like this.”

            “That is very kind of you, princess,” Shmi said, sitting down on the chaise at the end of the bed. She lifted her still grimy apron and wiped her eye.

            “Ahsoka is fine,” she said. “Oh, that reminds me…” She opened a large wardrobe against a far wall. “If these don’t fit you, you can ask Tovash or Zokra to tailor them for you.” She pointed to the racks of colorful garments she’d gathered. Clothes that had been too big for her but given to her as gifts. She’d picked out as many as she could that she thought Shmi might like. “And please, don’t feel like a bother, because you’re not. This is your home too as long as you want it.”

            “Thank you,” Anakin’s mother whispered so softly she’d hardly heard her. Before she was able to say anything else, the rest of the party had made it to her room. Threepio hobbled in arguing with Artoo about something. Along with Tovash and the other two men who had been carrying the bags. Once all of it had been delivered, they took their leave.

            Tovash bustled about, talking about the garments in the wardrobe; holding things up to Shmi and brainstorming ways to make them fit her better. They watched him as he talked to himself, designing outfits in his brain and planning them out. She almost felt sorry for sticking him on her like she’d done on Anakin before, but Shmi deserved more than most to be treated like royalty. Zokra must have told him that Shmi wasn’t here to be a slave so now he’d jumped back into his role as the royal dresser rather than the royal fetcher. She chuckled softly.

            “Dinner is in about an hour if you’d like to shower. Tovash will have an outfit for you to wear by the time you’re done. And if you don’t mind…” She shuffled her feet. “I’d really love to brush your hair.”

            Shmi looked up at her and she blushed furiously staring at the patterned mosaic tiles on the floor. “You want to brush my hair?”

            “That sounded weird, I know…” she trailed off feeling stupid. “But we don’t have hair and I’ve always been,  _well_ … curious about it.” She flinched expecting her to tell her off.

            “I would be honored if you wanted to brush my hair,” Shmi chuckled. “Goodness knows I can’t do anything with it.”

            She waited as patiently as she could as Shmi showered and changed into the outfit Tovash had prepared for her. After they’d dried her hair, she was handed a brush that in itself, felt weird in her hand. 

            “Your hair is so soft,” she said, running her fingers through it as much as the brush. “How does it even work? Does it grow out of your skull or from the ends? What is it for? Does it protect you? Can it help you sense things or is it just decorative? Do you ever leave it down or do you always tie it up? My horns help me hear, but they also can detect vibrations and movements. The lekku, the things hanging down, they protect our necks so when we’re hunting, predators can’t bite us there. They never stop growing though. The elders have lekku down to their knees. Horns curl as we age so they don’t become endlessly tall…” Shmi was surprisingly patient as she went on for probably far too long obsessing about hair and how it was so different from her own species. Then she deftly tied it in a nice bun off to one side of her neck like she’d worn it on Tatooine.

            When she’d finished getting ready, they headed arm in arm down to the dining hall.


	8. Changing Times

            Several years passed uneventfully and in relative boredom. Shmi had settled in beautifully and decided to stay for awhile which had made her incredibly happy. Somewhere along the way, she’d become almost more a mother to her than her own mother. She wasn’t sure if that bothered her parents or not, they were probably just happy she’d found something to keep her from getting into trouble constantly. Shmi had taken awhile to get used to having other people take care of her instead of the other way around, but eventually she’d relaxed into it. Together, they’d help out with the chores around the palace. Shmi didn’t like to sit idle or to feel like a burden to others.

            Even though it wasn’t normal for the royal family to participate in the chores, the hunt or even the crafting and cooking, nobody seemed to mind her help. Shmi happily taught her how to cook and craft certain things. Between the two of them, they finished Threepio and she’d learned a lot about droids. Threepio had helped her learn binary so she could understand Artoo. He’d also helped translate many of the texts she’d poured over in the tower. Sometimes her favorite thing to do was listen to Shmi hum or sing softly whenever she worked. Her and Tovash had bonded over sewing and fabric crafts and she somewhat unofficially had taken the place of Zokra as the other royal dresser.

            Zokra had returned home to his village to participate in the fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral with the hope of winning over a girl he’d been sweet on since he was a kid. He’d sent back word and an invitation to his D’bhem Be’ghera, but her parents hadn’t let her go to their wedding. They’d claimed it wasn’t proper for the Princess to show up in an outlying village without giving them any notice she was coming. She missed him, but she was happy for him. After their adventure on Naboo, they’d become very close and she’d taken the time to learn more about why they dressed her the way they did.

            Though she hadn’t been allowed the impromptu visit to Zokra’s village, with Shmi and Tovash accompanying her, they’d let her travel some and get to know people that rarely came to the capital. She was certain her parents had only agreed because she’d told them Padmé had insisted it was necessary for a leader to know her people. Even Tovash had stood up for her and claimed she would be better prepared to be Queen if she actually met the people she was supposed to represent. Sometimes it felt like her parents didn’t really know them themselves. Well, they knew of them, but didn’t really know individuals or the smaller tribes or family groups.  

            Four years after the leadership conference on Naboo, she’d been invited back for Padmé’s eighteenth birthday. She found out later that was the coming of age for humans. Which then made her wonder why they’d elected someone so young to such an important position. If her parents died before she was twenty-six, she’d take the throne early. But fourteen was a really young age to be the leader of an entire planet. Even if she did take the throne early, she’d probably be heavily dependent on advisors and would likely not have the same authority as her parents, until she was of ruling age.

            While on Naboo for her friend’s birthday party she stumbled on Tovash flirting with the captain of Padmé’s security detail. She suddenly understood why he’d never expressed the same interest in finding a wife like Zokra had. It had been a little shocking, but it didn’t really bother her. Tovash could be far too uptight sometimes, so anything that made him happier or more relaxed made her happy.

            The evening before she’d been set to leave Padmé had announced that her term as queen was coming to an end and the queen that was taking her place had requested she stay on and act as representative for Naboo in the Galactic Senate. It had been a bit of a surprise but actually excited her greatly. Not only would Padmé be closer on Coruscant than Naboo, it was a foot in the door for her as well.

            She’d been struggling to figure out how to get Shili more actively involved in the Republic and had thus far not spoken to her father about her interest in doing so. But now that her friend was, not only would she have a mentor that understood the process better, her parents might be more open-minded to the idea. They didn’t know Padmé well, but they greatly respected her from the moment she’d first visited Shili many years ago. It had been part of her leadership courses; they toured the galaxy, not just to planets that were highly active in the Republic but to others as well.

            They’d become fast friends and had kept in touch. Her parents kept fairly apprised of her actions and behavior, apparently happy that she’d found someone as strong and intelligent to look up to. Even though they were the same age, Padmé was a born leader. She oozed the confidence and charisma needed to succeed in politics. She wished she could follow her friend’s footsteps, but it often felt as though she was born for the complete opposite role than she was destined for.  

            She stood outside the throne room waiting for a chance to speak with her father. She’d given it a lot of thought all the way home. She didn’t know how this conversation would go. She was eighteen too now, she still didn’t see eye-to-eye with her parents. And the closer that inevitable deadline came to the moment she’d take the throne, the more nervous she got. The past four years had felt a bit too much like she was just holding her breath, waiting for the bomb to be dropped. But finding out Padmé was now going to be more active in the Senate because of the latest happenings in the galaxy, gave her a chance to dip her toes into something outside of her home.

            “The king will see you now,” one of the guards told her, Bahlo- a longtime friend of the royal family, and she took a deep breath. It wasn’t that she couldn’t talk to her father at other times, but he was more approachable when he’d been dealing with the people. She headed through the archway into the large well-lit room.         

            The exterior wall curved towards the center of the room with large circular dormers that jutted outward to bathe the space in a warm golden glow. The aisle was bordered by multi-lobed arches like those outside around the palace. Each column was brightly colored with depicted hieroglyphs of hunts and other art of their history and traditions. Detailed tapestries hunt along the walls in open spaces between statues and plants. Embroidered banners hung between the archways, multi-patterned cloths hung in strips like streamers across the flat ceiling on the right side. The floor switched between patterned tiles and natural wood and was spotted with magnificent rugs. Benches rested between the decorations with quilted cushions. Rainbows of glass beads hung across the windows and chimed daintily in the afternoon breeze, spattering the floor with colorful fractals of light.

            She followed the carpeted walkway towards the raised dais at the far end with the thrones. Her father sat somewhat casually in the largest of the three seats, one jewelry laden hand up to his chin as though he were deep in thought and hadn’t yet noticed her entrance. He had darker orange skin than her own, more triangular markings on his face and horns. His headdress, a mixture of bones and glittering jewels, sat snugly around his thick curved montrals like a glorious crown. He wore a knee length, embroidered tunic in a dark green color with silver thread and detailing. He had a fur cape, brownish-orange with black stripes that had been fashioned out of the hide of a nexu, draped around his shoulders held together by a fancy golden broach with beads and ribbons. Multi-colored leather strips wrapped around the calves of his otherwise loose golden pants. He had jeweled bracelets that looped around his ankle and over his toes. Sometimes they wore shoes, but rarely. Her species was very strongly tied to the land so it was part of the way they worshiped it. Walk along it humbly, in direct connection to Meht Shili.

            She padded along softly in her own bare feet suddenly curious what he was thinking about. Despite their common disagreements, she looked up to her father and greatly respected him. His eyes were a soft violet-blue, but there were hints of wounds beneath them. Subjects she knew better than to inquire about but was endlessly curious of. He sat on the throne as calmly and as regally as if it was the only fitting place for him and she sincerely hoped she could sit there just as comfortably. Though she doubted it. 

            When she made it to the bottom of the stairs she curtsied deeply, dropping one knee to the floor. “Ahsoka?” her father asked in surprise, finally noticing her. His deep, but gentle voice had a rumbling echo in the large room. She looked up when she heard him rise and start down the stairs. “Is something wrong?” He set his hand on her shoulder.

            “No, father,” she said carefully. Well, there kind of was, but she didn’t know how to explain it.

            “Come.” He put his arm around her shoulders and led her out to the throne room balcony. “What is on your mind?”

            “I know we’ve been over this a million times, but do you ever look at the stars and feel like you’re meant for more?” She chewed on her lip and then grimaced. She hated these sharp teeth on the sides of her mouth; even if they did make hunting easier, she always forgot about them and was constantly biting her lip or tongue. One would think after two years of this, she’d remember them by now.

            He sighed but didn’t answer right away and she expected him to put an end to the conversation before it started like he usually did. “You are too much like your mother sometimes.” He looked up at the sky and she furrowed her brow. Too much like her mother? Her mother had never given any hint of wanting to leave Shili. In fact, she hardly had anything in common with her mother at all. By far, she was much closer to her father. “How unfortunate for our people that their future Queen may end up their greatest wanderer,” he murmured.

            “But father…” She fell silent when he raised his hand and looked down at the floor.

            “Homah Zy once told us that our child would never be content to remain on Shili. That she would be called to wander the stars,” he started somewhat wistfully. “We hoped she was mistaken. That by showing you the burden that rested on your shoulders, you’d understand why your people need you here. But from the earliest age, your curious eyes looked everywhere but where they needed to be.”

            “I’m sorry, father.”

            “It’s not your fault, child.” He pulled her into a side hug. “There are some things we aren’t meant to resist.” He fell silent for awhile. “What scheming are you up to now? It must be important for you to come to me during court.”

            “Well, I… er…” she stumbled over her words not knowing how to explain it. “When I was on Naboo for that leadership conference four years ago, something happened that I’ve never been able to forget. Something changed in me. For the first time in my life, I felt a direction and a purpose.”

            “Continue,” he said, sitting back on a chaise and crossing his legs.

            “Naboo was invaded by the trade federation,” she said quickly. “Queen Amidala and I, along with several Jedi were forced to flee the planet. The ship was disabled in the escape and we were forced to land on Tatooine for repairs.” She told her father the story of what happened, feeling guilt creep in her throat that she’d lied to him before. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth, but I didn’t want you to worry or worse…”

            “Not allow you to leave the planet again?” he asked, crossing his arms.

            “Yes.” She stared at the floor. 

            “So why are you telling me now?”

            “When I sat on the kaadu surrounded by the gungan soldiers, I had the strongest feeling that it was going to happen again. But not on Naboo, _here_ , on Shili,” she said, braving a glance at his face. “I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t shake the feeling. I know I drive you mad with my need to fight, to hunt, to learn about more than Shili, but it’s all connected. I _know_ it, but I don’t know why I know it. I feel called to the stars, but not because I don’t want to be here.” She started pacing in agitation, feeling as though she was completely failing to explain it. How do you explain something that you don’t fully understand yourself? She suddenly wished Anakin was there. She was certain _he’d_  understand what she was trying to say. Maybe even translate it for her father. “I’m afraid, father.” She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “I’m afraid that bad things are coming, and I won’t be able to stop them. That I won’t be able to save our people when it comes.”

            Her father was on his feet, taking her hands in his. “You’ve felt this for years?” he asked.

            “Yes,” she choked, trying to catch her breath. “It’s only getting stronger.”

            “Does it feel imminent?” 

            “No. I don’t know,” she sighed. “I feel like it’s directly related to my reign, but I don’t know why. Things are happening in the Republic. Padmé says planets are threatening to secede. There’s turmoil, there’s tension. _Something_ is shifting. Things are changing. What if a galactic war is coming? Don’t you think we should be more involved? That it would be good for us to have a more direct link to that which we claim to be connected to?”

            “What is it you’re asking for, Ahsoka?” He touched her cheek softly and she blinked up at him.

            “I want to represent Shili in the senate, like Padmé is going to represent Naboo,” she mumbled quickly. “I want to know what’s going on. I want to help vote on major issues. I want to be prepared.”

            “That could be very dangerous.” He let go of her and brought his hand back to his chin in deep thought.

            “I can handle it, father,” she said. “ _Please_. I can do this. You’re always telling me I need to focus on our people. That I need to learn how to lead and protect them. How can I do that if I don’t know what I need to protect them from?”

            He took her hand and started walking through the throne room. She scurried to keep up with his longer strides, watching him out of the corner of her eye. He didn’t say anything, but he looked troubled. Normally she’d think she was in trouble based on the expression on his face; their greatest arguments often started with his heavy silence.

            “Bahlo,” he addressed the female guard that had led her into the room. “Close the court for the day, please.” She saluted him and headed to the waiting area where people gathered to talk to the King.

            “Where are we going?” she asked nervously as she followed behind him.

            “We need to talk to Homah Zy.” He led her down the spiral staircase on the far side of the plateau away from the city. There they hopped into a canoe and were steered across Meht Nahgi to the other side. In the barn inside the small fort on the other side of the river, the stable master saddled up two ikopis for them to ride.

            She steered hers after him as they headed north into the mountains. This wasn’t uncommon necessarily, she and her father used to ride together when she was younger. But they rarely had time to now that she was older. She wasn’t sure what to make of her father’s silence or the change in his demeanor since she’d mentioned the danger she’d been feeling. At the speed they were going, it was impossible to talk and be heard. After an hour of riding, they turned up a narrow steep path that wound its way high into the mountains. 

            At the top, near a small lake, he stopped his ikopi and dismounted. Then he came over and took her by the waist and helped her down. She nearly yelped when she turned around and saw the woman standing outside the little hut that moments before had looked deserted. Homah Zy was the most mysterious person she’d ever met. In fact, it was rare to meet her. She seemed like she was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. She was quieter than statues and faster than the wind. She never seemed real, like a trick of the imagination. 

            Her purple skin was wrinkled and aged like particle leather. Her red lekku folded many times down the sides of her face and her shoulders, with a white pattern that seemed to crisscross in every direction. Her clothes were as brightly colored as the rest, but had a faded appearance to them, as though she’d worn the same outfit for years. She had several capes of furs wrapped around her shoulders. She held a long-twisted staff, pale as the moon. And in the dip between her montrals sat a convoree. An odd one, with pale yellow feathers and a pastel color of green crowned its head. It had sharp, intelligent green eyes and seemed to watch them like it too knew them.

            “The king and his wandering daughter,” Homah Zy said without opening her eyes. “The turu-grass whispered of your approach.”

            “Mother Zy,” her father bowed respectfully, as did she. “We’ve come to…”

            The elderly woman raised her hands above her head and smacked them together. The convor flew off her head, circled above them and landed, to her surprise, on her own head. She froze, unsure of why the bird had come to her. “Morai,” she whispered. “It is time to prepare.”

            The convor hooted softly. She had no idea what possessed her to put out her arm for the bird, but she did. It hopped from her horns to her shoulder and then down to her outstretched arm. She petted it softly and it nuzzled into her fingers. 

            Homah Zy started chanting and a campfire burst to life behind them and she spun around in surprise. The bird, Morai, hooted indignantly and flew up to a nearby branch. “In the days of old, an ancient evil lived among the stars,” the woman started, suddenly on the other side of the fire. “A race of beings known as the Celestials were wiped out by this evil, all but three; a father, a son and a daughter. The daughter lived at peace with her circumstances, aligning naturally with the light and the goodness of the galaxy.” Morai hooted again and she glanced up at the convor. “The son was troubled and restless. Unhappy in his circumstance and greedily wanted more, feeding on the darkness and selfishness of the galaxy. The father stood between them as a scale; he alone could balance the two extremes. Many sought their power, echoes of it written and praised across time. Many died. In their conflict, they destroyed themselves before any succeeded in finding them. Thirteen years ago, the son was reborn.” The elder stopped speaking and opened her bright purple eyes.

            She moved around the fire and looked her over. She shifted nervously under her intense gaze. “What does that have to do with anything?” she asked, trying to get the attention off of herself.

            “Nothing,” Homah Zy said simply and hobbled back to a seat that had appeared where she’d been standing.

            She glanced at her father who looked confused, but also appeared to nod slightly as though something the elder had said meant something to him. “Evil is coming, isn’t it?”

            The woman closed her eyes and rocked back and forth, humming something very entrancing. Her voice drifted distant and ethereal, then her eyes snapped open again. “Wanderers are born in times of danger and turmoil. In them lives a calling to a greater destiny. Only they can save the galaxy. Only they know how.” She pointed her long-crooked staff through the flames at her. “The wandering queen will carry us through darkness. When she returns, we will be free at last.”

            “But how do I know that I know how?” she asked confused.

            “Trust your call. No matter how big or how small. Trust your call and you will save us all.”

 

\---

 

            She wandered the lower streets of Coruscant, having escaped Tovash long enough to do something only she wanted to do. Artoo wheeled along behind her and she found peace in the sound of his soft whirring. This was the third time she’d been here since her father had appointed her representative of Shili. The words the elder had spoken to her months ago still buzzed inside her brain. _Trust your call_. Her call was confusing. Sometimes it was here, sometimes it was there. She didn’t know how to make sense of it. All the elder had seemed to do was confirm her fears. Though admittedly, that had softened her father considerably. Every request was now followed up with a ‘what do you feel?’ If she told him she _felt_ she needed to do something, he no longer argued. It had been strange to get used to. And sometimes it made her certain he knew something about herself that she didn’t even know.

            He’d taken Homah Zy’s words as though they were the law. He’d given his permission for her to represent their planet. Allowing her to leave Shili occasionally to come to Coruscant and vote on important issues. Nothing yet, directly affected her people, so other than long leaves of absence from her home, it changed nothing of their way of life. She enjoyed her time with Padmé, but it was often them in meetings with other senators, huddled around discussing laws and appeals, long discourses over boring subjects. She’d learned a lot in the past six months, but mainly she’d learned that she really hated politics.

            Just like she’d complained back on Naboo, talk was pointless and rarely led anywhere. Her friend was always quick to point out little things she considered victories that really sounded like nothing useful to her at all. But despite not liking politics, she appreciated being in the know about what was going on. Though she got the strongest sense that everything she spoke out about made a lot of people mad. In her three visits to Coruscant, there’d already been a dozen attempts on her life. Of course she didn’t tell her father about those. Or Padmé for that matter, since her parents expected her to kind of be her chaperone. Which naturally, just like everything else in life, Padmé took too seriously and could be just as suffocating as her assistant with her clothes.

            Agitated and unhappy planets were seceding from the Republic and had started forming a coalition they called the Confederacy of Independent Systems; though most just referred to them as Separatists. They were vocal and often publicly decrying the Republic for failing to fix major problems. Their propaganda fueled tensions she could feel in every area of the senate. Most sessions reduced to nothing but childish bickering over stupid things, just like they’d done back when Padmé had requested aid. She was starting to see how this could lead to a potential war like she’d mentioned to her father, but so far it seemed to be mostly talk.

            She admired her friend’s persistence and patience, but still felt as though it was wasted on deaf ears. She’d met other idealistic politicians that she very well liked; Bail Organa of Alderaan, Riyo Chuchi of Pantora, Mon Mothma of Chandrila, Onaconda Farr of Rhodia. Many of them spoke and stood for peace first. Nearly every speech of theirs was to redirect the Senate’s attention back to the people that they’re supposed to be representing. To not forget about infrastructure because things are a little uneasy right now.

            The emerging leader of this new coalition, known only as Count Dooku of Serenno, was charismatic and passionate. He was also very persuasive, and more and more planets started leaning towards leaving the Republic. It felt like things were crumbling, but just like Padmé, she wasn’t yet ready to believe all hope was lost. For now, they had to negotiate and attempt to appease planets that held important resources the Republic badly needed.

            She turned down another street, too deeply entrenched in all the information she’d gained from the latest senate meeting to pay too much attention to where she was going. She wasn’t afraid. The attempts on her life were often pathetic and they all seemed to be terrible shots. Many of them probably had no idea that Togruta can hear and see better than humans or other species for that matter, so she almost always heard it coming before it got too close.

            Artoo beeped something and she turned around. “Yeah I know, buddy,” she murmured. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in this part of town either.”

            She didn’t need to worry about being lost, but Coruscant was the complete opposite of home. Bright neon lights, lots of gray walls, cold, metal, unnatural. And far too much noise. But she still liked to wander down the maze of streets and remind herself that in places like this, not everyone lived in luxury. It was both humbling and disconcerting. Sometimes she wished she could elevate all of them, but that was impossible. For now, she had to be content to be their voice in the democracy. Even with all the stupid talking, it _did_ feel like she was making some difference and it definitely occupied her restless brain. Her people loved to hear her stories about Coruscant whenever she returned home.

            She often met interesting characters on her ventures and she enjoyed that. It was also a somewhat calming experience in the sense that it was the only place she’d ever been in the galaxy where people ignored her or didn’t know she was some princess. Something that she actually appreciated. Artoo beeped again and she patted his dome. “You’re right, we should head back. Or at least get back to a main thoroughfare.” He turned down an alley leading the way and she followed him without much thought.

            It was dark in the alley, but she could see fine. After walking for a few minutes she felt something behind her. She slowed her pace just slightly and listened. There were definitely footsteps following a short distance away. She nearly rolled her eyes, _not again_. People really hated having their comfortable lives disrupted. It saddened her how she’d become a target fighting for the people. That should be a good thing, but instead, the mere suggestion that the wealthy should help the needy apparently warranted a death sentence. Something she didn’t understand in the least. She was hardly the deciding vote in any situation, but she supposed picking off the outspoken senators helped them get their way.

            _Stupid selfish people_. She spotted a loose pipe jutting from one of the walls and she carefully started drifting in that direction as though she were merely not paying much attention to where she was going. There was always a feel to her pursuers, like you could just know they were up to no good. Nearing the metal tool, not that she needed it, but it made it easier, she stopped suddenly. She grabbed the pipe, ripping it off the wall and spun around, jamming it down on the person’s foot and then against their face.

            “Ouch!” they yelled, falling to the ground. They scrambled quickly to their feet and once they dodged her first couple swings they grabbed the weapon and attempted to rip it from her hands. She ducked under their push, coming up between them and the metal, she bared her teeth and let out a deep growl. They staggered backwards in surprise and she hooked her leg behind their knee, so they lost their balance. They fell back into a crate and were hit with the metal pipe again as they went down. They groaned but didn’t immediately get up.

            Artoo came back down the alley beeping wildly with several police droids behind him.

            “This bounty hunter was trying to kill me,” she said, crossing her arms. “Not like they had a chance.”


	9. Dreams

            She looked around. She didn’t know where she was. Well, she knew she was on Shili. The grasslands with their weaving rivers in the distance, the colorful trees and flowers, the rocky outcroppings and the millions of stars gave it away. But she didn’t recognize this particular location, and there were no nearby landmarks to help her orient herself. She felt drawn to something to her right, up the hill, so she started climbing.

            It didn’t take long to get to the top, most of the mountains on Shili weren’t very tall. But because so much of the grasslands were relatively flat, you didn’t have to get up very high to see for miles. Besides, other than in Corvala, there weren’t many buildings that blocked the view. 

            Someone was standing there when she reached the summit. They had their back to her, their hands crossed behind them. She tipped her head to the side. It wasn’t one of her people, he was human. And there was something very familiar about him. Whoever it was, she was drawn to them. Almost like his energy was calling to her, but she didn’t really understand how that could be. 

            He turned when she got closer. “Anakin?” she asked in surprise. When had he gotten here? She should have known if he’d landed on Shili. It wasn’t that she was aware of every person that came and went, but she was suddenly sure she would have felt him. But again, she didn’t know why. 

            “Princess?” he responded, sounding just as surprised as she was. He bowed deeply. She looked him over. He didn’t look anything like when she’d last seen him, but she knew it was him. His hair was cut short and tied back, much like Obi Wan’s had been when she’d first met him. And he too, had a long thin braid down his right shoulder. Even in the moonlight, she could tell it had darkened considerably no longer under the constant desert suns. He wore similar robes to the other Jedi she’d met, but she noticed the shirt underneath was a very light blue color. It brought out the color in his eyes and she liked it a lot. 

            “How’d you get here? And how come you didn’t come say hello?” She put her hands on her hips. 

            “Um...” He looked confused for a moment. “I’m not sure where here is.” He chewed on his bottom lip. Now he wasn’t the only one confused. 

            “This is Shili,” she said suddenly curious. How had he gotten here without knowing how he got here? Or even where here was? “My home.”

            “It’s beautiful,” he said softly and looked down at his feet. “But the last thing I remember was meditating in my room at the temple, and then suddenly I was here. And now you’re here, but I must have fallen asleep or something. This must be a dream.” He looked around taking everything in. “But it’s so vivid. So detailed... so  _real_.” He turned his blue eyes back on her, staring at her intensely. “And so are you.” He looked like he was about to reach for her but seemed to change his mind.

            “Of course I’m real,” she said and furrowed her brow. “And so are you. I mean you’re here.” She did reach out and touch him. He was solid. Not that she expected anything different. “It can’t be a dream, dreams aren’t this interactive.” She ran her fingers softly across his cheek and looked him over. He was definitely here. 

            “But how would that be possible? To teleport to another part of the galaxy? Most especially somewhere I’ve never been? And I just happen to find you? How did you get here?” His eyes moved over her as though he was memorizing every detail of her appearance.

            She bit her lip, not hard enough to draw blood this time. At least she’d learned _something_. Now that he mentioned it, she wasn’t sure how she got here either. Her people were very spiritual; she’d heard stories of visions that could transport you to different places or times. But could they summon someone to you from across the galaxy? It still didn’t feel like she was dreaming, but she must be. She couldn’t remember traveling here, only lying in bed and then becoming aware of being here. 

            “You’ve grown up,” he whispered suddenly, and she glanced back at his face.

            “So have you,” she said. “You look nothing like I remember.”

            “I guess ten years will do that.” He looked down again as though he felt he shouldn’t be looking directly at her. She glanced down and realized she was wearing her nightgown. It wasn’t particularly revealing, but it didn’t leave much to the imagination. She pulled her shawl around her shoulders. 

            “Has it been that long?” she asked and moved past him to look at the view. She couldn’t believe it. Ten years since she’d seen this little boy. She looked over her shoulder at him. He wasn’t so little anymore. His features were chiseled like a strong young man. His full cheeks had thinned to look more mature. He’d practically shot through the clouds, height-wise. He looked as though he was trying to hide that he was watching her. 

            “It has, my lady.”

            “So much has happened, but I should have been better about keeping in touch.” She pursed her lips. Her eyes slid back down to his neck as the light blue fabric caught her attention again. “Is that the shirt I gave you?” 

            He looked down like he’d forgotten what he was wearing. “Yes,” he replied. “It fits perfectly now.”

            “You kept it for ten years?” she asked in surprise. 

            “It was a nice shirt.” He looked suddenly embarrassed. All at once he felt farther away, like he was being pulled back to wherever he’d come from. She reached out to him, but he couldn’t catch her hand before he vanished completely. 

            She sat up looking around, her heart racing. She was back in her bedroom, like she’d never even been out there on that hill. She’d have to ask the elder about that dream, it was so different from anything she’d ever had before. It was so real, as he’d said. Had he experienced it too? Did it mean anything?

            She looked at the clock, if she left now, she’d still make it to Homah Zy’s hut before the sun rose. Though the elder was as timeless as the planet itself, she still must sleep sometime. She tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was Anakin and that place. That place… there was something familiar about it, but it didn’t make any sense. She knew she’d never been there before. She’d explored only that within hunting distance of the capitol, her parents never let her wander further alone. 

            She thought about Shmi down the hall, should she tell her that she’d dreamt of her son, or would it hurt her? The woman never said the words, but she knew she missed him dearly. She ached for him. Sometimes when they were spending time together it felt like she could feel everything in her heart. This deep pain and longing that in spite of seeming so happy here, could never be filled. How would you replace a child anyways? They are born of you, they lived in you. And even if they’re no longer attached to your physical being, surely you’re forever connected to them…

            She rolled to get up, since her question-flooded brain could no longer settle long enough to sleep. Had it really been ten years since she’d seen him last? “Artoo?” she called. His lights turned on and he powered up out of sleep mode and rolled over to the side of her bed. She smiled at the little droid. “Can you show me an image of Anakin?” He beeped obediently and projected an image of the little slave boy she’d met on Tatooine. As she studied the image she became more and more sure that it had definitely been him she’d dreamt about. Well his dream self had confirmed it, but how had her imagination shown him age? “How long ago was this?” The droid whirred and whistled and ultimately confirmed it had in fact been ten years. 

            Suddenly angry with herself for being a terrible friend, she got up and paced around the room for awhile. Artoo beeped a few times in concern and she absentmindedly ran her hand over his dome. No wonder Shmi missed him so dearly; ten years was a very long time to go without seeing your son or even hearing any news about him. Surely he must be fine, he was safe at the temple learning how to be a Jedi. She’d been to Coruscant how many times since she’d last seen him and it hadn’t even occurred to her to go visit? Would they even let her in if she did?

            Well next time she was there, she was at least going to try. She owed Shmi that much. Even a confirmation he was doing well might put her mind at ease. But to be honest, she wanted to see him too. She couldn’t count the number of times she’d wished she could talk to him again. Little things would happen, odd things that nobody treated weird, but she knew they were weird. For some reason whenever they did, she always wanted to talk to him. Like he was in some way connected to it or would understand what they were or what it meant. There were so many things like that in her life, she was tired of feeling like she didn’t even understand herself.

            At least ever since she’d talked to her father about her fears of the future, he’d been much more patient with her and even oddly understanding. Her mother still didn’t really get it, but her father seemed to. He still liked to throw in lessons about being a leader and remind her what was coming. Especially now that she was twenty-four… the date she’d take the throne was looming at her far too quickly. Two more years and she felt no more ready for the responsibility than she had been ten years ago. 

            She wouldn’t dare admit that to her parents though or they’d put a stop to her being representative of her planet if it wasn’t really preparing her for the role of leadership she was expected to take. As it was, they were already threatening to make her stay home to prepare.

            Now that the Separatists had become a legitimate threat, there were constant mumblings and motions put forth to create an army of their own. So far it was just a hotly debated topic, but there were several bills in the works that would be voted on soon. The largest of these was the Military Creation Act; which as she understood would create a centralized army specific to the Republic that would be available to help any planet that was part of the Republic.

            Padmé was adamantly against this bill and was constantly speaking passionately out about it. She believed that creating an army would send the completely wrong message to the Confederacy and therefore escalate the conflict to war. 

            She agreed with her friend on most points, but she also felt that with the way things had been going lately, it might put the mind at ease to have some protection. As far as she was concerned, it was far too risky to assume that the Separatists had not already considered or created their own army for protection. And to refuse to create their own, the Republic was left far too vulnerable. She really had no idea how she would vote on this bill herself since she could easily see both sides. Of course peace first was the best option, but to obstinately refuse to consider protection as being necessary was short-sighted, in her opinion. But who was she to talk? She adamantly refused having bodyguards despite the constant attempts on her life. Maybe she didn’t really understand anything. 

            She rubbed her eyes in frustration and finally gave up pacing long enough to get dressed. She pulled on pants and a tunic with a jacket and after saying goodbye to Artoo, she snuck through the halls towards the back stairwell. 

            She’d killed enough time arguing with herself that by the time she’d made it to the stables across the river, the sun was starting to rise on the horizon.

            It had peaked the mountains by the time she made it up the path to Homah Zy’s hut. But she was instantly disappointed as the woman didn’t appear to be home. In fact, it looked as though nobody had been there in days, possibly even weeks. It wasn’t all that uncommon really, Homah Zy traveled the entire planet. How, she didn’t know, but every tribe spoke of her, every tribe knew her name.

            What was she supposed to tell her about her dream anyways? There had been nothing particularly profound about it, only that it was so unusual and so real. Anybody would probably tell her she just missed her friend, so she’d dreamt about him. But there was a feel to the dream, unlike anything she’d ever felt before. The sensation of his skin still lingered on her fingertips. The detail about the shirt she’d given him on Tatooine. The way he’d looked at her so deeply and so soulful. It was too realistic and it had to mean something. 

            And the place… it buzzed in her brain. In a way it felt like it was calling her. She could still feel the golden grass between her toes, the soft breeze against her shoulders. There was something about it that whispered to her, but melodically, like music. It was important, and it was somehow connected to him. Or it somehow connected them.

            She hiked up the rest of the mountain to the highest peak, since Homah Zy’s hut sat on a lower plateau. From the very top she looked around in all directions. She could see for miles, but nothing jumped out at her, similar enough to what she’d seen. It had been on Shili, she was sure of it. But since she’d never been to the majority of the planet, how would she find it?

            She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, sinking her consciousness into the ground and feeling her way around. She felt a vibration and popped out of the soil, hitching a ride on the passing nexu. She rode with it for a long time, taking in the scenery as it raced through the grasslands and hopped rivers, running deep into uncharted territory. Above her cackled a wingmaw and she jumped to it, soaring through the clear sky and admiring the lay of the land. A flutter of activity to her left caught her attention and she dove towards the ground. But no this wasn’t the place yet. She followed the nuna underground, scuttling through the maze of tunnels and deeper into its colony.

            No this wouldn’t do, this wasn’t helping. She pulled herself out and blinked around again. This place could be anywhere, how was she to find it? And why did she need to so badly? What if it wasn’t even a real place?

            She took a deep breath and closed her eyes again. She recalled to her memory the dream; putting herself back on that hill. She looked at Anakin’s back as he stood frozen in the moment. She moved around the landscape trying to get a feel for it. Still nothing jumped out at her. No point of reference. He’d been just as surprised there, it couldn’t have been her imagination. She wandered back down the hill, critically studying the layout.

            She pulled the shawl around her nightgown again. It had been a chilly night, but the way he’d looked at her had made her feel warm. There were other mountains nearby, a whole range of them. Rivers were so common as they weaved through the grasslands, there was nothing special about them that stood out. Partway around the base of the mountain she found a cave. She’d heard stories about the mountain tribes, many of them lived in caves. Could the place she’d seen been closer to their territory?

            She sighed. This was getting ridiculous. She was probably overthinking it. She opened her eyes and looked around. She stared absentmindedly at the capitol in the distance. Even with the space port, the only thing in the air was the trams as they went up and down the hill. She sat down on a rock and dropped her face in her hands. This was stupid. Maybe it didn’t mean anything at all.

            She started down the hill, stopping again on the plateau with the hut. Still it looked deserted, but she glanced up at the tree and nearly jumped. The convoree she’d met before, the one Homah Zy had called Morai, perched there, her head tipped to the side, watching her carefully. She stared at it a moment, unnerved by its appearance, though she didn’t know why. When she looked at the bird though, it felt as though she knew her better than she knew herself.

            “Morai, right?” she asked, feeling a little silly talking to a convor. But then again, she talked to droids so… It hooted at her and fluttered its wings. “I don’t suppose you know anything about dreams?” She sat down in the grass and stared at the empty firepit. The bird flew down from the branch and landed on her knee, hooting repeatedly. “Well okay, I’ll tell you if you really want to know.

            She described the dream in as much detail as she could, especially the lay of the land. She got sidetracked a few times when she mentioned Anakin, telling Morai about the tunic she’d given him when he was a boy and that he’d grown up since she’d last seen him. She told her about his mother and how she’d bought her freedom and brought her here. How Shmi had become like a mother to her as well. Then she remembered she was trying to tell the convoree about her dream and again described the lay of the land that she’d seen.

            “I don’t suppose you know where that is? It feels important, but I don’t know why.” Morai hooted as though she did in fact know the place and flapped her wings. “Can you take me there? I know it sounds dumb, but I need to see it for myself.” The bird took off and circled the area until she made it down to the lake and mounted her ikopi. Then it flew towards the west mountains. She felt a little silly taking directions from the bird, but it probably knew the land better than she did. Especially if it tended to travel with Homah Zy all over mother Shili. If she’d headed in the direction of the mountain tribes, she would have been going in the completely opposite direction. So it was a good thing she hadn’t made the guess and gone on her own knowledge. 

            She followed Morai for a long time before needing to stop and let the ikopi rest and drink. She sat near the river, her stomach growled too. She’d forgotten to grab something to eat before she’d set out this morning. Of course when she left, she’d thought she was just going to Homah Zy and would only be gone for two hours. Now though, the sun had risen in its full glory and she blinked up hoping Morai had noticed she wasn’t following anymore.

            She didn’t see the convor anywhere now and she was about to kick something when she felt it. She froze and looked around. It was a vibration of sorts, but not through the ground. Though admittedly she still crouched down and dropped her lekku onto the dusty soil to be sure. It felt like it was going through her, like the way thunder could rumble your blood before you heard it. It felt like it vibrated the air, but the ikopi didn’t react to it at all. Which was odd. This was something new, something she’d never felt before.

            To her surprise though, it felt like it had a direction. And it came with the strongest urge to follow it. She forgot about Morai and being hungry and leapt back onto the ikopi, steering it in the direction of the feeling. She raced across the grasslands, focused on the feeling that was slowly turning into a sound, a song. In the distance was a mountain range that looked eerily familiar even though she knew she was in a place she’d never been before. She pulled the reins and slowed the beast, swinging her leg over and dismounting. She blinked up at the cave in front of her.

            She wasn’t particularly familiar with caves, because she’d never been allowed to visit the mountain tribes. Every so often they appeared in the capital, but she had no idea if caves varied much in size or feel. This one looked exactly like the one she’d found in her exploration of her dream earlier in the day. But there must be hundreds just like it. She glanced around, suddenly nervous. She wasn’t exactly sure where she was in regards to home, though surely she’d be able to find her way back to the capitol. She’d been so focused on the sound and the feeling, it hadn’t even dawned on her to pay attention to where she was going.

            There was no sign of Morai, but this was definitely the place she’d been led to. She swallowed and started towards the mouth of the cave. It bothered her she’d not encountered another soul on her way here. Stories of hunts often told that akul lived in caves much like the one in front of her. The most fearsome beasts on Shili. As the princess, she’d not been allowed to participate in the rites of passage centered around killing them. She’d seen them in the arena, but that was all. Never in the wild and never had she been face to face with one. 

            The akul was one of those things nearly as mythological to her as the visions and dreams of the elders. It was also one of the things her parents never let her hunt or fight. Even the nexu had been subdued before she’d been allowed to fight it and it was far less dangerous than an akul. Right now though, she really wished she had faced one so she knew what she’d be up against if that was what she encountered in this cave. She silently cursed being a princess. Two more years and she’d be queen.

            There were already so many restrictions on her life, it felt as though the moment she took the throne, her life would be over. She was being allowed one last trip to Coruscant to vote on this Military Creation Act and then she was to stay here, on Shili. Her parents had already hinted strongly that it was time for her to start looking for a mate, so by the time she took the throne, an heir could be conceived. But even if she wanted to right now, none of the suitors she’d met interested her. And even if she found one, married and got pregnant, it would still be at least twenty-six years before someone took the throne from her. Twenty-six years of bondage tied to a chair she had no desire to take to begin with!

            She almost hoped there’d be an akul in here to put her out of her misery. But as she made her way deep into the cave, she met nothing. No akuls, no nexu, no mountain people or even bugs. At some point the tunnel narrowed dramatically and she was forced to drop to all fours and crawl. When she came out the other side it opened into a large glistening crystal cavern. Bumps formed up and down her arms as the vibration she’d felt before resonated in this room.

            She closed her eyes, listening to the sound. It was peaceful and soothing, but too tantalizing to ignore. Hadn’t the elder said to trust her call? Her call had led her here. Though as beautiful as this place was, she didn’t know why she’d been led here. She looked around taking in all the formations sticking through the rocks from the ground, the walls, the ceiling. Large and small, they glowed and glinted as though they were a light source themselves. She ran her fingers down the spine of one, surprised by the soft humming sound it made. It was strange though, compared to outside, this cavern was devoid of color. All the crystals sparkled but were only white or clear.

            She moved across the room to the far wall where a stronger song was calling her. She stopped in front of a small ledge. On top of it sat two crystals, no different from the rest, but they seemed to pulse in the room as though they were alive. Pulse, like a heartbeat. She reached her hand out and touched them.

            Her head was jerked back as flashes of images spun through her brain too quickly to get a clear look at any of them. She saw Morai, and Anakin, Shmi and her father. She saw a baby and a war and millions of broken droids. She saw Padmé and the senate, she saw more Jedi with their laser swords. The sounds were deafening, and she stumbled backwards, landing on her butt.  _Princess?_

            She blinked, trying to clear her head. The visions had stopped the moment she’d hit the ground. The last thing she’d heard was Anakin’s voice.  _Princess_. Like he’d said in the dream. She slowly opened her fist and looked at the two crystals that were now pulsing softly in her hands. Getting brighter or darker in time to the pulse. Then she realized why the pulsing had drawn her so much. It pulsed in time to her own heartbeat. She stared at them in confusion. 

            Crystals weren’t alive, were they? How could these sync with her? They felt so right in her hand though, like they belonged there. Their song had stopped as though they no longer had to call her there because she was there. They were meant for her. She knew it without a shadow of a doubt. But she didn’t know what that meant. She looked up to see Morai sitting on the ledge where these crystals had been. She hooted softly and vanished in front of her eyes. She looked at the crystals again. No matter what, she had to find Anakin again. 

            She ran out of the cave and up the hill to the top, half expecting him to be standing there like he had been in her dream, but the summit was empty this time. It was the place she’d seen, but she was alone here this time. She looked down at the crystals. They were so small, so simple, so... ordinary... but the longer she stared at them, the more she was convinced she’d just found her destiny. If only she knew what that really meant.

 _I don’t think it was an accident we met,_  he’d said.  _I think the universe has bigger plans for both of us._  

            He held the answers she needed. She was the lock, he was the key.

 


	10. Hidden Threat

            “Your highness!” Tovash called, running to catch up with her. She rolled her eyes and tried to smile at the shopkeeper in front of her.

            “Look out!” she shouted, turning to push him when she felt something. She wasn’t sure she’d actually touched him before he fell backwards out of the way. She rolled a few feet as something whizzed by the right side of her head and hit the shopkeeper’s stand behind her.

            People started shouting and yelling and running in all directions, several people ran to help her up, but she ignored them as she looked down the street and saw someone in full armor turn and start running down the hill out of the market. She was on her feet, racing after them. It was bad enough people tried to kill her on Coruscant, but she felt a rush of anger that they’d dare endanger her people to get to her. The crowded market scattered as they ducked out of the way of the person she was pursuing. Several people called after her, but she narrowed her eyes and gave into a burst of speed, leaping over abandoned carts and people dropping to get out of the way.

            She shed her cloak and ripped off the jeweled crown, so it no longer weighed her down. Just past the city limits, they took off in their jet pack to get away. She grabbed the spear out of one of the guards’ hands, hit in on the ground so it crackled to life and then she threw it as hard as she possibly could at the bounty hunter. It hit their jet pack hard enough to embed itself inside it and they started spiraling out of control. By the time they hit the ground, several guards had caught up with her.

            A few feet from the ground, they unlatched the pack and bailed from it, diving to miss the following explosion. When they looked up, she was pointing another spear at their head. “As punishment for your crimes, you are sentenced to participate in the arena,” she growled at him. She turned to look at the guards that had rushed forward to secure him. “Remove their wrist guards and their helmet.” The guards obediently did so. “A Mandalorian, I presume?” She looked over the armor they’d placed in her hands, before binding his wrists behind his back. “I hope you know more than tricks,” she laughed. “Because in the arena, you get nothing but a spear and a shield. No trick wrist guards or computerized helmets. And certainly, no armor.”

            She tipped her head, indicating for them to follow and she turned back towards the city. She paraded them back through the city and up the hill through the market. She paused long enough to pull the dart they’d shot at her before out of the wooden frame of the stand. People lined the streets on both sides to watch. She sent someone ahead to the arena to blow the horn. Past the market instead of turning right towards the palace, they turned left towards the colosseum.

            When the horn blew, all those that had been waiting around and watching, turned and slowly drifted towards it. It wasn’t that blood sports were mandatory to watch, but unscheduled ones were exciting and usually drew a larger crowd. Even the royal family usually came down to watch. In this case, it was a punishment to an outsider that had just attempted to kill their princess. So, it wouldn’t be long before word of it had whispered through the whole capitol to find out if they’d survive it. And very possibly, every other activity would stall for the whole population to come witness it.

            “What’s this about, Ahsoka?” her father asked, when he and her mother arrived a few minutes later. She looked down at the man that had been stripped of his armor but given a non-electrified spear and a shield and was now standing in the center of the arena looking around at the gathered crowd. “And where is your crown?”

            “It’s right here.” Tovash rushed forward into the royal box and set it back on her head. She sighed slightly and turned back to study this bounty hunter. “That man just tried to kill her,” he murmured to her father. _Oh great. Any second now…_

            “Then it’s too dangerous for you to go to Coruscant,” her father said.

 _And there it was…_ She took a deep breath. “With all due respect, father,” she started carefully. “If someone is trying to stop me from voting on this bill, then it is even more important that I do so. It might very well decide whether or not the Republic and the Separatists go to war.”

            “Even if that is true, de’he’ren, their war is not our war. And I do not want my only daughter and the _only_ heir to the throne murdered to vote on an issue of no importance to her own people.” He crossed his arms.

            “Your father is right, Ahsoka.” She glanced at her mother. That’s all she ever seemed to do; agree with him. Sometimes it felt like she had no spine. Her father was strong, but he was not unkind. But the way her mother acted sometimes, it was as though she was afraid to stand up to him or disagree with him ever. It frustrated her beyond reason and made her question how she was even related to her. She wished she’d take her side for once.

            “It _is_ important to our people, father,” she said stubbornly. “Any war that happens out there, could eventually make its way here. Do you not remember what the elder said? That feeling never went away. It’s coming. _Soon._ Voting down this bill might be the only way to stop it.”

            The horn blew again, and she turned her attention back to the arena. “I don’t like this, Ahsoka.” Her father stepped up behind her. “I do not approve. What of your friend? Is she going?”

            “Yes.”

            “Then you will stay close to her and her security staff?” her father asked. She closed her eyes trying to push down her frustration. As annoyed as she was with him, she could hear the fear in his voice. He was afraid for her, which she should probably be more sensitive of. She just wished that fear wasn’t accompanied by such restrictions and unnecessary overprotectiveness.

            “Yes, father,” she conceded.

            “Very well,” he sighed. “Then you may go.” He stepped forward looking down at the man in the arena. “Bounty hunter,” he amplified his voice. “For your attempt on my daughter’s life, you will now fight for your own. Survive the trial and you will be free to leave Shili. Let the game begin.”

            She moved over to Artoo on the far side of the box when he wheeled in. “Record this,” she whispered to the droid. She often had him record the blood sports so that she could watch them again later. It wasn’t that she loved the violence, but it was a way she taught herself how to fight, by watching others. Artoo was the only one that didn’t make judgements about her requests, so he was pretty much the only one that knew all the secret time she spent doing so.

            She leaned on the railing and watched the fight unfold below. He beat the acklay without too much trouble. Then the nexu took a little longer, but he dispatched it too. Eventually he beat the akul as well, though he was now limping severely and had deep claw marks up and down his back and left arm. Despite his attempt on her life, she had to respect his prowess in battle. Apparently not all Mandalorians depended on their trick armor.

            He staggered to the center of the arena and looked up at her and her father. The king made a gesture to the guards at the gate down below and it lifted. The horn blew again. “You have beaten the arena and survived. Now you will take your belongings and leave Shili. If you ever return, you will be killed.” The man looked between them and slowly headed towards the gate, disappearing down the tunnel. “I don’t like letting someone go that tried to kill you.” Her father turned to her.

            “But father, he earned his right to live,” she replied. “I have a feeling he won’t quickly forget it.”

            “I want to send guards with you.”

            “I’ll be fine, father. I promise.”

 

\---

 

            She breathed in the city air when she landed on Coruscant. Even though this planet felt so unnatural to her, it was a welcome change from home. Mainly because here she had more freedom than she did on Shili. It had taken a few hours to convince her parents to let her go without a dozen guards. How she escaped the planet with just her assistant, Tovash, and Artoo, she had no idea. But it didn’t matter now, she’d be fine. She promised her father she’d meet up with Padmé immediately and stick to her like glue, with the expectation that her security force would also protect her. If she didn’t, Tovash would probably report to them she disobeyed his orders. At one point, her father had nearly decided to come with her himself. Thankfully his sense of duty to their people kept him there.

            He’d given her a long lecture on what would happen if the heir to the throne was killed, in what he must have assumed would be motivation for her to be more conscientious and careful. She’d tried to hear him out, but it was difficult. Though the longer he went on, the more she started wondering if he didn’t want to be on the throne either. It had never occurred to her that he didn’t like being the leader. Especially since he sat there as though he belonged there far more than she did.

            She shook her head. It didn’t matter right now. The first thing she was going to do was check in with Padmé and then she was going to head straight to the Jedi temple to see if they’d let her talk to Anakin.

            She rang the bell at her friend’s apartment, anxious to see her again, but also already thinking about her other visit. “Your highness,” Captain Typho bowed to her after opening the door. “It’s good to see you well. Come on in, she’s expecting you.”

            “Thank you, captain,” she replied and hurried into the room. Her excitement faded the moment she saw her friend’s face as she came out of the bedroom. “Padmé? Are you alright? What happened?”

            “Hello, Ahsoka,” Padmé said sounding somewhat sullen as she gave her a quick hug. “I’m afraid something awful has happened. My ship exploded shortly after landing. Someone does not want me voting on this bill. They know I can sway the senate to vote against it.”

            She almost said, ‘forget about the bill,’ but managed to hold her tongue. “Is everyone alright?”

            “Sabé didn’t make it,” her friend trailed off.

            “Oh no…” She hugged Padmé again. “I’m so sorry.”

            Her friend was on her feet again, pacing a rut in the carpet. “We have to stop this bill. It can’t pass! If it does, war will be inevitable! But all anyone wants is to send me home and to be safe. It is my duty to speak for the people and I will not be swayed from it. I will not let what Sabé sacrificed her life for, scare me away!”

            “A bounty hunter tried to kill me in the marketplace before I left Shili. Someone certainly wants this bill to be passed,” she said thoughtfully.

            “Oh thank goodness, you’re alright!” Padmé was immediately fussing over her.

            “I’m fine, I’m fine.” She put her hands up. “You sound worse than my father.”

            “I’m sorry. Maybe this rattled me more than I thought,” Padmé sighed and dropped down onto the sofa again. “The chancellor is sending two Jedi to protect me. If someone is after you as well, then one of them should go with you.”

            “But I don’t need protecting!” she said stubbornly.

            “Ahsoka!” Her friend crossed her arms and she sat back against the couch and stared at the ceiling in frustration. What had even possessed her to tell Padmé about the bounty hunter? Now, any chance of freedom she thought she’d have off of Shili just went out the window. “This bill is too important to be stubborn now. You _will_ let one of them protect you.”

            “Fine, whatever!” She rolled her eyes, not wanting to fight with her. Why did everyone in the galaxy seem to get to dictate her life more than herself? “I’m going to go say hi to the others.” She got up and headed into the bedroom to talk to her friend’s handmaidens.

            She wasn’t sure how long she was visiting with them before she heard the bell and people talking in the other room. _Obi wan_. She smiled at the recognition of the male’s voice that had been speaking. He didn’t sound much different, but a little older and more eloquent.

            “You know, master Jedi,” she heard Padmé say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not leaving Coruscant until I vote on this bill. No attempt on my life will stop me from voting against it. Someone attempted to kill Princess Tano as well, so if you must protect me, I ask that one of you protect her too.”

            “We have our orders, senator, but we will do what we can,” Obi wan answered.

            “Thank you.”

            “You remember Anakin Skywalker?” Obi wan asked. She was on her feet as soon as she heard his name, suddenly being guarded by the Jedi didn’t seem so bad. She apologized to the handmaidens and started for the door.

            “Ani? Little Ani? Is that really you?” Padmé asked incredulously. “My how you’ve grown.”

            “You haven’t changed a bit…” She heard him start to say, but she was already racing towards him. She launched herself into the air.

            “Hey Skyguy! Think fast!” she exclaimed as she flew across the room. It was a good thing he had good reflexes, because he _did_ manage to catch her.

            “Your highness, that behavior is unfitting of a princess,” her assistant grumbled from the other side of the room.

            “Oh put a lid on it, Tovash.” She rolled her eyes and kissed Anakin on the cheek. He blushed instantly, a bright rosy red. “When did you get to be so tall? It’s not fair,” she asked when she landed back on her feet.

            “We can chat later,” Obi wan said before he could answer. “I’ll stay here with Senator Amidala and Anakin, you protect Princess Tano. _Good luck_.” The Jedi master tipped his head to the side and pursed his lips. She frowned at him, but was grateful Anakin got to go with her. She was so happy to see him. Now it didn’t matter that she couldn’t go to the temple. Suddenly her trip here got a whole lot better. She had a million questions for him.

            “You’re going to need it,” Tovash muttered.

            “I can hear you,” she said and crossed her arms. 

            “Sorry your highness.” Her assistant bowed his head respectfully.

            “That’s better.” She grabbed Anakin’s arm. “Come on! We have so much to catch up on!”

            “Remember your duty!” Obi Wan called after them. Anakin glanced over his shoulder looking distinctly unsure about this and it was then she realized maybe she shouldn’t have been quite so affluent in her greeting. But she’d missed him, ten years was a long time. He looked exactly like she’d seen him in her dreams and she wanted his insight on it. Surely, he’d know what it meant. It just hadn’t occurred to her he might have feelings for Padmé and she’d just interrupted possibly his only chance to act on them.

            “I hope I’m not taking you away from who you’d rather be with,” she said quickly as they walked down the hall towards her apartment. 

            “No of course not, m’lady,” he said quietly.

            “Don’t call me that, it sounds so weird,” she said. “You’re my friend, not my slave.”

            “Then what would you rather I call you?” he asked in confusion. But she noticed something else, like it had actually surprised him that she didn’t want to be called that or even that she still considered him a friend. How weird. And why did it bother her so much?

            “Ahsoka is fine,” she smiled at him reassuringly. “Let’s go for a walk!”

            “With all due respect, m... _Ahsoka_ , it will be easier to protect you in your apartment than out in the open.”

            “I forgot all about that,” she laughed. 

            “You forgot about the threat on your life?” he asked in surprise.

            “There’s always a threat on my life. I’m not exactly the most beloved representative here. Besides, I was excited to see you again. If a threat to my life allows me to see an old friend, I’d welcome it any time.” She linked arms with him. “I’m dying to know, tell me all about being a Jedi! What’s it like? How do you train? I have endless questions!”

            “I’m not sure what there is to tell,” he said quietly. She stopped walking and looked him over, studying him critically. He looked decidedly nervous and kept looking down at the floor. He was exactly as she’d seen him in her dream, but something was different. He’d been somewhat reserved in the dream, but not nearly so quiet or anxious. Did he not still consider her a friend? What had happened to the funny, confident little boy she’d met so long ago?

            “What’s the matter?” she asked, crossing her arms.

            “Nothing, m… princess.” He looked away.

            “Ahsoka,” she corrected him. He smiled weakly but didn’t say her name. “Something is the matter,” she dug in deeper. “I know it’s been ten years, but this is not the boy I watched go to the temple to become a great Jedi. What happened to you?”

            “I grew up, my lady,” he replied quickly. She almost corrected him again, but she was too distracted by his weird behavior. Even as a slave he had never been this submissive or weak.

            She didn’t get to say anything else as Tovash and Artoo caught up with them. “Your highness, I suggest you go to sleep early tonight. It’s been a taxing day and you need your rest,” her assistant said. She didn’t take her eyes off Anakin as he glanced at Tovash and nodded politely. Then he set a hand briefly on the droid and went back to staring at the floor. She wasn’t ready to let the subject drop, but once they got to her apartment, Tovash would be distracted by other things and not feel the constant need to hover since she’s no longer in public.

            She sighed and turned back down the hallway, opening her senses. She felt the same ache in him that she’d felt in his mother. Whatever had happened in the last ten years was cutting him deeply. Perhaps being a Jedi wasn’t all it was cracked up to be? That would explain their weird behavior. But Anakin seemed so distant, so… subdued. So unlike himself. He was too polite to tell her he didn’t want to spend time with her, or even say he’d rather be with Padmé, but whatever she was sensing went much deeper than that.

            She listened to his footsteps as they walked. There was a sadness in them as well and… loneliness… Why would he be lonely in a temple full of other people like him? Surely someone as interesting, knowledgeable and friendly as him would have been well-liked…

            When they made it to her apartment, he did his rounds to make sure it was secure, and she watched him as he moved from window to window and checked doors and rooms. Once he gave the all clear, she headed into her bedroom so Tovash could help her get out of the complicated headdress, clean off her makeup and remove the outer layers of her dress. When he’d finished she told him to go to bed, assuring him she would be too. She changed into her nightclothes, pants and a long sleeve top, since Coruscant was a bit chillier than Shili and she pulled on a long jacket as a robe. Then she listened until she was certain Tovash had retired for the night.

            She glanced at the clock. It really wasn’t that late, only eight in the evening. And there was no way she was going to be able to sleep until she got to the bottom of Anakin’s weird behavior. She headed out into the hallway and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. It took him a second, but he leapt to his feet as soon as he saw her.

            “Princess?” he asked in surprise but tried to keep his voice low. “Is there a problem?”

            “You could say that,” she replied.

            “How may I serve you?” She narrowed her eyes at him.

            “Well first you can stop calling me ‘princess’ or ‘my lady.’ My name is Ahsoka. And whether you’re my bodyguard tonight or not, you’re my friend first,” she said seriously. He opened his mouth to argue and she raised her hand to silence him. “Secondly, you can tell me why you’re acting like an echo rather than your own authentic person. And lastly, you can tell me why you kept that shirt you’re wearing for ten years if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

            He looked down like he had in the dream and then back at her. She made her way over to the couch and sat down next to him. He didn’t say anything right away and she reached out to touch his hand. He shifted uncomfortably and pulled away. “The Jedi don’t allow attachments,” he whispered finally. “I’m allowed to be polite, but not get too close to anyone. I’m to address you by your title, as anything else would be too personal and intimate.”

            “You’re not allowed to have friends?” she asked in disbelief. “What a load of poodoo.” She sat back against the couch and crossed her arms. “But who am I to argue the ways of the Jedi?” She stared straight ahead for a moment before putting her feet up on the table in front of them. “Well, allowed or not, you’re still my friend and some stupid Jedi rules of attachment aren’t going to change that. I’ve missed you so much,” she said, glancing at him. “So many times in the past ten years, something has happened and my first thought was always, ‘I wish Anakin was here.’” She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the sofa. “It sounds stupid when I say it out loud. But sometimes I was so sure you’d know me better than I knew myself. That you’d understand something I was feeling or thinking. Everyone around me always acted like it was normal, but I know it wasn’t. I just _know_ it. I could feel their surprise or concern. Do you remember when you stopped that crown from hitting the ground without even touching it?”

            “Yes,” he said softly.

            “Well when the bounty hunter tried to kill me in the market before I left Shili, I went to push Tovash out of the way. He fell backwards, but I’m not sure I actually touched him. I mean everything happened so fast, maybe I did. I don’t know anymore.” She ran her hands up and down her arms and shivered slightly. Something was happening to her, something weird. And if he didn’t know what it was, she doubted she’d ever get answers to it. “I can feel things around me, not just the land, but also the animals, people, feelings… Please tell me I’m not just going crazy.” She looked at him, desperately needing him to tell her it was normal. Or even not normal, just not… _wrong_ …

            He didn’t answer right away, and she felt her heart sinking. “What makes a Jedi special is their ability to use the force. It surrounds us, it intersects us, it connects us to everything around us,” he said softly. “In the force, you can feel the life essence of others; their emotions, sometimes their thoughts, even their intentions.”

            “I can use the force?” she asked in surprise.

            “Well, I don’t know,” he said quickly. “But a lot of cultures interact with it in some way, not always calling it by the same name. If your people are very spiritual, it’s possible you’re sensitive to it.”

            “But I can _use_ it,” she persisted. “I’m not just sensitive to it!” She stood up. “No one else around me can do the things I can. My father doesn’t say it, but he knows that. If I concentrate, I can cast my senses to an animal and see what they see. I can move things barely touching them. I can feel things right before they happen. That’s why the bounty hunter missed me! Don’t you see? I’m a Jedi too!”

            “Ahsoka,” he said, standing up. He started reaching for her and then dropped his hands. “Being able to use the force doesn’t make you a Jedi. Joining the order and committing to their way of life is what makes you a Jedi.”

            “Well then, you can get me in!”

            “It doesn’t work like that,” he said sadly. “Do you remember why they wouldn’t train me? They said I was too old. I was too old at nine! So, you’re definitely too old now. I’m sorry.”

            She stopped pacing and stared at him, working through what he said. Whether she liked it or not, even if the Jedi would consider training her at this point, her parents would never let her. She felt a rush of anger and she turned her back on him and walked towards the balcony. She _should_ have been a Jedi. Her father knew that. He hadn’t let them take her because she was the only heir to the throne. He purposely convinced everyone around her that what she could do was normal, so she never questioned it. The workers, her assistants, the guards… all of them knew who she really was and none of them said a word.

            She stopped a few feet out the door and brought her hands up to her face to rub her eyes. Jedi or not, she could use the force. She could feel it. And it called to her. It connected everything, not just what existed on her planet, but everything in the universe. No wonder she never wanted to sit on that throne. She was connected to something bigger. Something that was constantly calling her away from Shili; away from home. _The wandering queen_ …  Wanderers were what they called people like her. Jedi potentials that would never be content to stay on Shili.

            He caught her right before she collapsed onto the ground. She didn’t know what to think anymore. It felt like the force was calling her away, but every time it did, her parents tightened their hold. Everybody ran around dictating her life for her, no one asked what she wanted. She didn’t ask to be a princess. She didn’t ask to be a Jedi. She didn’t ask for any of this. All she wanted was to be free. Free to follow the call that lived so deeply inside her.

            She gripped his robes trying not to cry. She didn’t know if she felt better or worse knowing the truth. Because it didn’t really matter if there was a name for people like her. She was already condemned to a destiny she didn’t want. In a little less than two years, she’d become queen. And until she conceived an heir, she couldn’t leave the throne.

            She felt it right before she heard it and they both fell to the ground, rolling behind cover. She was back on her feet preparing to jump off the balcony to grab the droid as it started to escape.

            “No princess. Stay here!” Anakin caught her robe before she jumped, but then he jumped off after it. It groaned under his weight and started dropping altitude.

            “Like hell, I’m staying here!” she said and ran back through her apartment and out the other side. She raced down to the speeder center and hopped into an open-air model and zoomed off in the direction she’d last seen him heading.

            She couldn’t see him as traffic buzzed and weaved all around them, blaring their horns at her as she tried to follow her feelings to him, not following the flow of traffic. She closed her eyes for a moment and concentrated, then she took off to her left, weaving through the skyscrapers down towards the street. She stopped flying when she felt something and hovered in the spot. A few seconds later he landed in the seat next to her.

            She grinned at his confusion. “I know I told you to stay, but it seems to be a good thing you didn’t,” he admitted sheepishly.

            “I don’t like being left out of the action.” She punched him lightly on the arm.

            “Yeah, I remember,” he murmured and gave a genuine smile for the first time since she’d seen him again. His smile faded, and he tipped his head back, getting a faraway look in his eyes. “But the droid got away and…”

            “I feel it too.” She turned the speeder and raced back in the direction they’d come. He held onto the sides as she drove somewhat wildly, following the feeling.

            “Left!”

            “No straight!”

            “No left!” He tried to grab the wheel and she jerked out of his grip.

            “I know what I’m doing, Skyguy! Sit back and hold on!” She hit the accelerator and raced down around the building in front of them, just barely missing an oncoming yacht as they sped out of the buildings back into the open sky in the richer part of Coruscant. She pushed the control down and they did a nose dive, careening towards the ground.

            “Please tell me you learned how to fly in the last ten years!” he yelled to be heard over the wind.

            She pulled up seconds before hitting the ground and leveled out, racing down the main thoroughfare. Pedestrians dove out of the way and she shouted apologies, easing it higher so she didn’t have to worry about hitting them. “Of course I did,” she muttered, glancing over at him right before zipping around a tight corner. “You’re looking a little green, Skyguy,” she laughed and slammed the brakes.

            He hit the back of the seat when it came to a complete stop and glared at her. “Now what? We lost them with your crazy flying.”

            “Three… two… one…” Someone landed in the backseat and he looked over his shoulder in surprise. “Why hello there, master Kenobi,” she smirked at Anakin. “Nice of you to drop in.”

            He sat up and looked at them, rubbing his head. He looked like he was about to say something and then shook his head.

            “It’s a clear night,” she said conversationally as she steered the speeder back towards the apartments. “But in an unexpected turn of events, it started raining Jedi.” She saw them exchange a glance with each other and she smiled to herself.


	11. Reunion

            Artoo beeped and whirred in concern when they made it back up to her apartment. “I’m fine, buddy,” she said, patting him. It was silly to be so attached to a droid, but he was more like a friend. And probably the only one that seemed to understand her or care. That was harsh. She knew other people cared, it just didn’t feel like it sometimes. She was surprised Tovash wasn’t pacing in the living room, but he appeared to not have even noticed her absence. She breathed a sigh of relief. The less he knew about the things she got into, the less her parents knew too. He didn’t tell them everything, but he told them enough.

            “It’s a shame both of those droids got away,” Obi wan was saying as the door closed behind them. “We’re no closer to knowing who’s behind this.”

            “I thought you told me we were only supposed to protect them, not go chasing down the ones responsible?” Anakin replied.

            “I did tell you that,” Obi wan stroked his beard thoughtfully. “So, what were you doing out there?”

            “I should ask you the same question,” Anakin said stubbornly. She raised a brow at them and dropped onto the sofa, putting up her feet. She watched them as they bickered back and forth while also comparing notes about what had happened out there. It was nice to see the Jedi order hadn’t completely squashed his independent streak or the spark she liked so much. But even with the good-natured arguing, she felt more in their exchange.

            Though Obi wan cared deeply about Anakin, there was a lot of impatience and tired repetition in his tone. From Anakin there was frustration and resentment at not being heard or respected. Maybe she was reading too much into it. Anakin definitely respected his master, and thought very highly of him, but clearly didn’t feel appreciated by him. She rolled her lips wondering if she should interrupt them. It was obvious they did this all the time, but that didn’t make it okay. Actually, it was reminding her a bit too much of her relationship with her father. And at that realization she leapt to her feet.

            “Hey,” she said. Neither of them appeared to notice her. “Hey!” She raised her voice some, hoping she still wasn’t loud enough to wake Tovash. They both turned to look at her, and both tried to awkwardly bow, but instead bonked their heads together. “I don’t know who sent those droids after us tonight, but I have something that might get to the bottom of some of it. That is, if it’s even connected to this attempt.”

            “What is it, princess?” Obi wan asked, rubbing his head.

            “Artoo, do you still have that dart I gave you?” she asked the droid. He beeped a confirmation and rolled forward, popping open a compartment. She took it from him and dropped it in Obi wan’s hand. “The bounty hunter that tried to kill me on Shili shot this at me.”

            “That isn’t much to go on,” the Jedi master murmured as he looked it over in his hand. “No distinguishing marks, that I can tell. Definitely poison though, without testing it, I wouldn’t know what kind.”

            “Well, he was wearing Mandalorian armor,” she said. “He didn’t speak, but- Artoo, could you replay your recording of the arena?”

            Artoo projected the fight they’d watched before she’d left for Coruscant.

            “You let him go?” Obi wan asked in surprise once the recording ended.

            “We don’t have jails on Shili.” She crossed her arms. “We don’t even have crime really. We have no need for that kind of law enforcement. He fought for his life. He won. He earned his freedom. I’ve never heard of any transgressors that survive the arena, ever returning to Shili. The emotional taxation of fighting for your life, is a fair and just punishment for attempting to take someone else’s life.”

            “If only that were enough to stop crime completely. But the rest of the galaxy doesn’t work like that,” Obi wan said. “Artoo, could you zoom in on his face at the beginning there?” Obi wan pulled out a data pad. “Information retrieval, please identify this hologram,” he spoke into the machine, then scanned it over the image of the bounty hunter.

            Anakin leaned over his shoulder to look at the screen when it beeped confirmation that it had identified it. “Jango Fett.” He furrowed his brow. “I’ve heard of him, but not for a long time.”

            “Yes, he was once one of the most notorious bounty hunters out there.” Obi wan scrolled down through the information. “But then ten years ago, all reports of his activity just ceased. Many people believed he was killed.”

            She came over to look at the screen too. “Well that wasn’t a ghost that fought in the arena. He had flesh and he bled. Nor was it a ghost I shot down after he tried to kill me.”

            “You shot him down?” Anakin asked in surprise.

            “Of course I did, Skyguy. I hit him with a spear.” She put her hands on her hips and scowled at him.

            “You shot down one of the most notorious bounty hunters the galaxy has ever seen… with a _spear?_ ” he asked incredulously.

            “Yes…” she said hesitantly. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

            “I’m not,” he said quickly. “I mean, I am, but…  _wow_.” She watched him for a moment, curious by the admiration in his tone. He’d had to of done far more impressive things with his Jedi training. Nothing she’d done that day was that strange. Especially not if she could use the force too.

            “It pierced his jet pack.”

            “How far away was he?” Anakin asked.

            “I don’t know, probably about fifty feet off the ground, maybe thirty feet in front of me.” She pursed her lips.

            “Right, well, it’s something to go on,” Obi wan interrupted. “I’m going to go check on Senator Amidala. Tomorrow we’ll do some digging. “I suggest you get some rest, Princess Tano.” He turned and left her apartment, still looking troubled by the information he’d been reading on the datapad.

            Her and Anakin watched him go, then Anakin went and secured the door behind him, and did another round through her apartment. When he returned to the living room, he looked her over like he hadn’t completely taken her in before.

            “What? Is my hair out of place?” she asked sarcastically.

            “You threw a spear hard enough, that far, to pierce a _metal_ jet pack?” He stared at her in disbelief.

            “You’re really hung up on that, aren’t you?” she smirked.

            “It’s just… improbable,” he murmured.

            “I’m not making that up!” she said in annoyance.

            “I didn’t say you were, I just meant…” he trailed off. “You had to have some serious  _force_ behind it.” He looked down at the floor and then snuck a glance at her face. He’d barely whispered the word ‘force,’ as though even suggesting that she had used it was taboo. She had the strongest urge to start debating with him about how silly he was sounding, but for whatever reason, she kept her mouth shut. 

            “You make it sound like I shouldn’t be able to do that,” she said finally, laying down on the couch cushions and putting her feet up. He sat down on a chair across from her.

            “Most people that don’t get found by the Jedi early enough to be trained, go on to live relatively normal lives. Their abilities somewhat dull with age because they’re never taught how to use or refine them,” he started, seeming to pick every word carefully. “Without any training, you shouldn’t be able to do the things you’ve claimed.”

            She looked him over, studying him. His words hurt a little, but also surprised her. Maybe everything was connected after all. If the force was calling her to a bigger destiny than the throne on her home planet, then that might explain why she’d met the people she had, or why she’d sought all the information on everything she had. If there was ever a chance she could take him to Shili, or convince him to come visit, she wanted to take him to that place from the dream. She had the strongest sense, though he hadn’t said it, that he would recognize it.

            “Anakin,” she murmured, finally feeling some of the exhaustion from their adventure out there in the city. “Do you still believe in destiny?”

            He didn’t answer right away. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Some Jedi believe the force calls us to things. I don’t know if that’s destiny or just a kind of wanderlust.”

            “All these years, I’ve believed my destiny was to take the throne and become queen when I turn twenty-six. That’s what my parents wanted me to believe anyways. It’s always felt like something I never had control over; that whether I liked it or not, I would be forced into it,” she said quietly. “But what if we could change it?”

            “If it were possible to change yours, what would you do?” he asked. His blue eyes were as deep and soulful as they had been on that hill. They seemed to cry out for affection, for love, even for purpose. Maybe he was as lost as she was. Maybe that’s why she was drawn to him. So what, they could be lost souls together?

            “Well, the first thing I’d do is not become queen,” she replied in exasperation, rolling onto her back to stare at the intricately patterned tiles on the ceiling. “After that, I don’t know…” She went quiet for awhile, appreciating his comforting presence and finally feeling like she had someone she could talk to that would understand. “The thing is though, as much as I hate the pressure… I  _want_  to become queen. I just don’t think I’m ready. I don’t think I’ll be able to lead my people the way they expect me to. Or maybe, I’m just overthinking it and I’ll have a boring reign until my child takes my place.”

            “You have a child?” he asked in surprise.

            “No!” she laughed. “The hypothetical child. The one my parents are already pressuring me to have. Once I take the throne, I’m queen until I produce an heir and raise them to their twenty-sixth year. Then they take my place. That’s a long time to be stuck there. Since it’s unheard of for the leader of our people to ever leave Shili, even briefly during their reign.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t that sound exciting for someone that feels called to bigger things?” He didn’t say anything, and she risked a glance his way.

            He was sitting, not stiffly, but not completely relaxed either. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, looking as though he was working through a lot of things himself, probably trying to draw on some kind of lesson he thought might be useful to her. The silence was comfortable though, she liked him here. He didn’t have the same goofiness that he’d had as a boy, but there was a silent strength to his presence. Something she very much appreciated. It was like when he was here, she knew whatever happened, she’d be okay. Not because she needed to be protected, but because they were alike. She could let down her guard, she could relax and stop being afraid of all the stupid little doubts that ate away at her. 

            Her eyes drooped though, as she relaxed into his soothing presence. “I have a feeling that you’re going to be the best queen your people have ever seen,” he whispered. “Not because you rule like everyone expects you to, but because you’ll rule like only you can.”

 

\---

 

            The following day passed in a flurry of activity. She was awoken by her assistant to get her ready for the senate. Anakin had apparently left shortly after Tovash had gotten up, but before she’d had a chance to say goodbye. Her focus should have been on the bill, but she’d been so disappointed by his disappearance it had been hard to pay attention.

            Padmé had given a long, passionate speech about all the reasons why the Military Creation Act shouldn’t be passed, then it had been hotly debated for hours, until finally the Chancellor had called for the vote. She’d stared at the datapad still unsure of how she should vote on it. Ultimately, she’d agreed with her friend. Not that it had mattered. The bill had passed anyways, overwhelmingly, even.

            Though there were still no whispers of war, she’d felt the instant tension as though it had rippled through the galaxy. It wasn’t until that moment that she’d sat down afterwards that she’d finally understood what Padmé had been saying all along. Fear drove people to madness. Fear had driven the Republic to vote for an army. Fear of the Republic’s army would ultimately drive the Separatists to create their own. Then it was only a matter of time before something happened and then...  _war_ …

            Tired of watching her friend pace in agitation, she’d wandered out to the balcony to stare blankly across the city, towards the Jedi temple. She’d be headed home soon, but now that the bill had been passed anyways, the threat to their lives should be over. She had just made up her mind to head down to a nearby park to clear her head when Obi wan and Anakin reappeared.

            Apparently, they’d been tasked by the Chancellor to escort Padmé home. Anakin was supposed to go with her, while Obi wan had a few things he needed to do instead. She could hear their conversation, even though she made no move to come back inside from the balcony. She listened to the voices as they argued over details. Anakin kind of awkwardly flirted with Padmé, but mostly stayed silent and let his master decide everything. The senator got frustrated with everybody dictating how she should make this journey and surprisingly politely, told them off. 

            She sighed, sinking into a nearby chair. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t know _what_ she wanted. She watched the ships, yachts and cruisers weave through the tall buildings. Everybody had a destination. Except her. Well that wasn’t true. She had one, just not one she wanted. She wished she could hitch a ride on one of them and run away. She couldn’t stop thinking about the words Anakin had said before she’d fallen asleep. He too, believed she was supposed to be the queen. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but maybe she’d hoped he’d tell her again that she was meant for something bigger and validate her desire to not go back.

            She was too old to be trained as a Jedi, so she couldn’t run to the temple where she probably belonged more than Shili. She still felt residual anger at her father for knowingly imprisoning her by never telling her who she was or who she was meant to be. Even if he felt he had good reason, it didn’t excuse the suffering she’d experienced over it. It was only a matter of time before the clock counted down and she’d self-destruct.

            She sat up and scanned the sky wondering what it was she’d felt. Then she glanced down and saw a small red dot on her chest. She rolled to the side behind a table, as a blaster went right through the chair she’d been sitting in. This time she didn’t even hesitate. She was on her feet and leaping off the edge.

            “Ahsoka!” she heard someone call as she fell through the air, spreading her arms and legs out to slow the fall. She landed on the back of someone’s speeder and she directed the alien, that didn’t seem to speak basic, to pursue the person that had shot at her. She argued with them for awhile until she finally let them off at the next place she could and took off trying to catch up with the bounty hunter.

            Why the kriff was she even still a target? Yeah, so she’d voted against the bill, but it didn’t matter. It had passed anyways. Surely they hadn’t confused her with Padmé, that would be ridiculous. She squeezed the accelerator, speeding through the traffic, yet again. She should have been afraid, but to be honest, this was the most excitement she ever seemed to get. Who knew being shot at constantly would be fun?

            She saw them go straight into the tunnel and she veered to the right and made a large loop around the outskirts of the district. It wasn’t that she knew Coruscant that well, but when she opened her senses, it was like she could pinpoint the source like a dot moving across a map. She waited in an alley until she felt them coming and then pulled out in front of them. They turned back to see her too late and swerved to miss her bike. They crashed into the guard rail and were thrown from their own. She pulled the blaster Padmé had given her from her dress and pointed it at them.

            “Who hired you and why do you keep trying to kill me?” she demanded of the…  _woman_ … that looked up at her. She didn’t say anything, looking around as though she were trying to figure out how to escape her. But before she could act on whatever plan she’d concocted, Anakin and Obi wan pulled up. 

            “Thank the force you’re alright, princess,” Obi wan said, hopping off his bike and running over to take the woman by the arms. “That was foolish and reckless, not to mention dangerous.”

            “You don’t seem to realize, master Jedi, just how often this happens to me,” she replied through gritted teeth. “And if they’re in some way connected, I want to know who is behind it.”

            “What is your name, bounty hunter?” Obi wan demanded.

            She spit on the ground instead of answering. Anakin reached for his light sword. “Zam Wesell,” she said finally.

            “Who hired you?”

            “They didn’t give me their name.”

            Obi wan and Anakin tried to coax her into giving more information, but neither of them were successful. “Change of plans,” Obi wan sighed after handing the bounty hunter over to the police droids. “Anakin, I want you to escort Princess Tano home to Shili and stay with her until we find out who is trying to kill her.”

            “What about Padmé?” he asked quickly, and she rolled her eyes.

            “I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” Obi wan said and patted Anakin’s shoulder. He looked distinctly disappointed and she had half a mind to tell them not to bother and that she’d find her own way home. Who was she to get in the way of what he wanted? _Someone_ might as well get what they wanted, since she didn’t get that luxury. Funny how the Jedi didn’t allow attachments, but he clearly had his eyes on attaching himself to her friend.

            How was she going to explain it to her father when she showed up at home with a Jedi? She kicked a pebble down the street and started walking away. Her heart was sinking into the ground and tears welled in her eyes. Yeah, she wanted Anakin to come with her to Shili. She wanted to spend more time with him. But after what just happened, her father would never let her out of the palace again, let alone out of the city or off the planet.  _Fancy jail, here I come_. For no good reason, she picked off the pieces of her headdress, well the ones that were still left after the speeder chase and threw them as hard as she could at the ground as she walked; leaving a trail of jewels, precious metals and feathers in her wake.

            She didn’t care anymore what Tovash said, or her father, or her mother or anyone for that matter. Why hadn’t she just taken the speeder away rather than gone after the bounty hunter? She could have gone to the space port. She could have hopped any number of shuttles to anywhere else. Anywhere had to be better than there. She was twenty-four, but she still felt controlled like a kid; no power of her own. When would that feeling ever stop? Or would it?

            “Ahsoka?” Anakin asked, catching up with her. She wiped her eyes and didn’t look at him. “Are you alright?”

            “Do I look alright?” she asked in annoyance, throwing her hands out in front of him. “Put binders on me, drag me home to my parents. Tell them that you’re there to protect me and why and watch all my dreams die.” She started walking again when he didn’t respond. He ran to catch up with her again and moved in front of her so she had to stop.

            “Maybe I don’t know your people, but it’s been my experience that the worst prisons are the ones in our head,” he whispered. “We can tell them I’m there to visit.”

            She blinked up at him, struggling to stop the rush of emotions. When she failed to do so, she grabbed his robes and cried into his chest. He took her in his arms and held her tight. “You promise you’ll tell them you’re just visiting?” she choked finally. 

            “I promise,” he said. She pulled away and tried to compose herself, wiping her eyes on her sleeves.

            “It doesn’t change the inevitable, but maybe it won’t be as bad,” she sighed. “Sorry you’re stuck babysitting me instead of Padmé.”

            “I’d rather be with you,” he said.

            “Don’t lie to me, Skyguy.” She smacked him on the shoulder.

            “I wasn’t lying.” She glanced at his face. “I’ve harbored feelings for her for a long time, but she hardly remembers me at all. She treats me like a child, like that’s all I’ll ever be to her. So…” He took a deep breath. “I’d rather be with my friend.”

            “She treats me like a child too, and I’m the same age as her,” she muttered. “I thought Jedi weren’t allowed to have friends?” She put her hands on her hips. 

            “Someone once told me I was still their friend and some stupid Jedi rules of attachment weren’t going to change that,” he smiled sheepishly, echoing her words from last night. 

            “That sounds an awful lot like what I told you,” she smirked. 

            “Was that you?” he laughed, offering her his arm. 

            “Yes.” She took it and let him lead her down the street.

            “You know,” he said after a few minutes. “I like you better with all that stuff off your head.”

            “Why’s that?”

            “Because then I can see your face,” he said softly. But then he blushed and looked down at the ground. So, he was frustrated with Padmé and now he was flirting with her?

            She stopped walking all of a sudden. “The speeder!”

            “What about it?” he asked in confusion.

            “I stole it from someone!” She turned and ran back down the street, pausing to pick up some of the jewelry from her headdress and raced to the alley. He was right on her heels as she tried to secure the jewelry somehow so she could drive too.

            “I’ll drive, you point the way,” he said, touching her hand softly to get her to stop fretting. She nodded and climbed on behind him. With one arm around him and the other trying to hold the handful of stuff, she leaned into his back and directed him towards where she’d let off the guy that had been driving. She shouldn’t have been surprised he was still there considering that she’d left him on an awkward ledge with no easy way down. 

            He started yelling at her in some language she didn’t understand.

            “I’m sorry!” she tried to tell him. “I’m really sorry.” She handed him the armful of jewels she’d picked up and apologized again. The alien kept going on about something but eventually poured them into a bag, got on his speeder and left. Now her and Anakin were stuck on the ledge. 

            She sat down, leaning back against the building and sighed. He watched her for a moment and then sat down next to her.

            “I’m a mess,” she said. He didn’t agree with her, but he didn’t disagree either. Instead he started laughing. “What’s so funny, Skyguy?”

            He shook his head. “That alien you stole the speeder from.”

            “What about him?”

            “He was saying that a giant bird landed behind him and flew it away. Then they came back with jewelry.”

            “He thought I was a bird?” she asked in confusion. 

            “He didn’t know what else could fall out of the sky and all he saw was feathers.”

            “I guess I can see where he’d get that impression,” she laughed finally. “Sometimes all I see are feathers too.”

 

\---

 

            She was feeling better about being home now that she was back. Having Anakin here with her seemed to make all the difference. They’d been able to talk more about life and destiny and he had given her a lot to think about. She’d also learned more about what being able to use the force meant, though he’d told her he couldn’t train her in it. He would, however, tell her stories of funny predicaments he and Obi Wan had found themselves in and she’d lapped it up, living on the excitement and expression in his voice now that he’d relaxed a little. 

            She led him through the streets pointing out things she thought he might find interesting and telling him about the way things worked. He was surprised at how many people greeted her by bowing or wishing her well. He even questioned why she hated it so much. It wasn’t the attention she hated, it was the pressure. And she told him so. 

            When they got to the market, she led him from stand to stand and held up garments in front of him, trying to find an outfit he could wear. She hadn’t yet told him about Shmi because she wanted it to be a surprise. He didn’t like the idea of changing out of his Jedi robes, but she insisted he could not and  _would_  not enter the palace looking like or acting like a Jedi.

            Tovash, to his credit, stepped up and helped outfit him in something fitting of a visitor to the royal family and before long, he was wearing a handsomely cut long maroon and blue two-piece ensemble, with embroidered trimmings, white pants and golden jewelry. They’d tied a long scarf around his head like a turban and draped beaded chains around it in waves. That was mainly because she thought the Jedi haircut was stupid and far too obvious. 

            “I think I’m starting to get why you complain about your clothes,” he whispered to her, once Tovash folded up his robes and went ahead to the palace. 

            “Don’t you like them?” She laughed as he tried to pull the belt down lower, so he could breathe again. 

            “Of course, but I don’t feel like I would have much maneuverability if I needed to protect you,” he said after taking a deep breath. “Where am I going to keep my lightsaber?”

            “These pants have pockets.” She reached out to show him how to unclip part of the embroidery trim to reveal a pocket. “They’re also a little baggy, so no one will notice it’s there.”

            “I won’t be able to get at it very fast if I need it,” he said doubtfully as he dropped it inside, watching it seem to disappear into the depths of the fabric.”

            “You won’t need it. We’ll be safe here.”

            “I thought you said someone tried to kill you in the market?” he said, looking back up at her. “Isn’t there somewhere away from the capital we could go? It would be easier to protect you that way.”

            “Are you just trying to get me alone?” she laughed.

            He blushed instantly and stared at the ground. As much as she liked his blushing, she wished it didn’t come with shame, fear or anxiety. “Don’t worry,” she said softer. “Relax. You’re my guest. And let’s hope Obi Wan doesn’t find out who is behind the attacks too quickly.” He smiled, but then tried to look like he wasn’t having that much fun. “Come on.” She took his hand. “There’s something I want to show you. And then I have a surprise for you.”

            “How did you have time to plan a surprise?” he asked. “I’ve been with you the whole way back.”

            “It was already here.”

            She led him up to the observatory tower. She smiled as he looked around in awe and admiration. 

            “This is my favorite place,” she said softly. “It’s where I can explore other worlds and escape my bondage.”

            “It’s a beautiful library,” he whispered. 

            “My father says that if you took Meht Shili and divided it into fours, you would have the four main territories; the grasslands tribes, the river tribes, the mountain tribes and the remote tribes. If you put a pin in one end of the planet and secure it on the other end, that is us. We are the glue that holds it all together,” she explained. “To be honest, I don’t understand how. My people are spread out in family groups all over the planet. There are territories, but nothing set in stone. Corvala is the only major city. There’s several smaller cities in each territory, but they’re nothing compared to this. There’s no easy way to communicate with the four tribes without journeying there yourself. In fact, I doubt I’ve even met anyone from the remote tribes. Even the mountain tribes are rare to see here in the capitol. How am I supposed to lead people that have no knowledge or care of who I am?”

            He looked over the globe she’d been pointing at that showed the varying regions where each tribe lived. 

            “Each tribe is represented by a governor, and they all meet with the king or queen once a year. Other than that, there’s really no interaction between us and the rest of Shili. It doesn’t make any sense to me why there even needs to be a ruler.”

            “Are the governors spiritual leaders?” he asked, looking up from the globe. 

            “Not really. I don’t even know what they do. We don’t have many laws here, just traditions. Which I guess are laws, but not set in stone. In a lot of ways, there is no need for laws. So, if there’s no need for laws, why do you need people to be the law?” 

            “Have you asked your father that?”

            “I’ve tried, but it doesn’t make any sense to me when he explains it,” she sighed. “Well, I can show you more of this later. For now, follow me.” 

            She led him back down the stairs to the eighth floor and down the hall towards her room. She stopped outside Shmi’s door and looked him over. She adjusted the neckline of his jacket and straightened the turban.

            “Am I about to meet your parents?” he asked nervously. 

            “No that will be later at dinner.” She tried to hide the smile. “Besides, this is better.” He looked at her in confusion and she turned to knock on the door. 

            “Well hello, princess,” Shmi said and then froze looking past her. She stepped out of the way. 

            “Mom?” Anakin asked with a longing tremor in his voice. 

            “Ani?” Shmi took his face in her hands and brushed away the tears that had started falling.

            “I’ll be in my room if you need me.” She took her leave as they hugged each other. 

            “Princess,” Shmi called to her before she made it into her room. “Please, come back and join us.” She turned and headed back down the hallway. Shmi pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For bringing me my son.”

            “You’re welcome,” she breathed, feeling tears well in her eyes too.

            “How did you get here?” Anakin asked as the three of them headed into Shmi’s room. 

            “Your little friend here.” His Mom patted her cheek. “She sent a couple men back to get me shortly after you left Tatooine. She bought my freedom and brought me here. I’ve been here ever since.”

            “Are you happy here?” he asked as though he’d forgotten she was in the room. 

            “Very,” Shmi replied. “But happier now that you’re here too.”

            “I’m only here for a little while,” he said sadly. 

            “I know, my son. But it does my heart good to see you again.”


	12. Growing Feelings

            “Well, normally I’d set you up in the other room on my floor, but unfortunately it’s already being converted into a nursery for the child I don’t have yet,” she tried to laugh at the ridiculousness of her parents making a nursery for her when she hadn’t even found a suitor she was interested in. Let alone choosing them to be her mate and moving onto the next step. “So, the closest empty room is downstairs on the next level. I’ll show you the way.”

            “And how am I supposed to protect you when I’m that far away?” he asked.

            “I know you have your orders, but I’ve told you, I don’t need protecting,” she sighed, incensed that even he was trying to treat her like she was delicate. “Have you seen me fight? Even without Jedi training, I’m pretty sure I could take you in a one-on-one session.”

            “I’m sure you could,” he murmured. “Since you shot down that bounty hunter with a spear.”

            “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” she laughed. It was late evening; her parents had already retired for the night. She’d given him some time with his mother after dinner and then Shmi had gone to bed too. So, she’d taken him back up to the observatory to show him some of her favorite books.

            The halls were mostly deserted at this hour, but this was one of her favorite times to wander them. She’d given him a tour of the palace on their way back towards the bedrooms. She’d pointed out the throne she was supposed to take, and he’d asked why she didn’t want it since it looked comfy. Leave it to someone else to simplify it into a matter of comfort versus no comfort. Though she knew he was joking, there had been a tremor of something else she’d felt beneath his words. He probably couldn’t understand at all why she would bemoan this life, especially now that he’d seen it for himself.

            “No, I’m not,” he chuckled thoughtfully. “Well, is there a bench or sofa near your room? I’d at least feel better on the same level. I didn’t see a place I could sleep in my mother’s room.”

            “Well, if you’re going to insist on protecting me even though I don’t need it… you could sleep in the loft,” she replied, rolling her eyes.

            “Princess,” he whispered. “It has nothing to do with you not being capable of protecting yourself. My mandate is to protect you and I can’t do that if I’m nowhere near you. Whether you need protecting or not is irrelevant. I’d feel better being closer to you.” He spoke the last part as though he were afraid she’d react strangely to it. The truth was, she liked it when he was closer too. She wasn’t going to overthink that.

            “Very well,” she sighed. “I suppose Master Kenobi wouldn’t approve of you relaxing in your own suite on another level and not doing your job.”

            “He certainly wouldn’t.” She glanced at him as he stared straight ahead in deep thought. She still had so many questions about his life as a Jedi, so many things she wanted to know and understand. But after seeing him again, it was less about their training methods and beliefs and more about what had caused him to become so introverted and quiet. So…  _unsure_ … Though admittedly, he was almost a different person since he’d been reunited with his mother, so she suspected that had been a lot of his pain and uncertainty about life. There was more there though, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

            She pointed the way to her room, showing him the ladder. Her room was large, nothing she really had any right in complaining about. Her round canopy bed sat off to one side with a decorative screen between it and the rest of the bedroom. It had an arched and intricately carved headboard that sunk a small distance into the corner of the two walls. There were wardrobes and chests that lined the walls along with plants and small statues. Halfway between the sleeping area and the sitting area that led out onto the balcony, was the rope ladder up to the loft. With the climbing plants along the wall it felt as though you were sleeping in the trees. In the center of the loft was a hole in the floor where netting had been strung across it like a hammock. On top of it were furs and cushions and blankets. The rest of the loft had books, old toys and other activities. It had been a kind of play area when she’d been a child, but now it was more of a serene retreat. At the far end of the loft, was a large arched window that looked down over her balcony and east towards the city. Curtains were tied up between it and the bedroom, so she could have privacy up there if she wanted.

            While he investigated his sleeping space, she went behind the screen and changed into her long floral nightgown; draping the top around her neck, crossing it in front of her and tying it behind her back. “Your room is very nice,” he commented as he peered down at her when she came back out. She laid back on her bed on top of the covers and stared at the ceiling.

            “I know what you’re thinking, Skyguy,” she muttered. “Why would I complain about all of this?”

            “That’s not what I was thinking,” he said softly, and she looked up at him. He’d taken off the turban, and the outer layers of what he’d been outfitted in earlier. He was wearing the white pants and the light blue tunic he wore under his robes. He was lying on his stomach, resting his chin on his arms. “A prison is no less a prison even with a hundred colorful cushions.” He picked up a small one and threw it at her and she laughed when it hit her in the leg.

            “I love it on Shili,” she said after awhile. “It’s my home. I hope I don’t sound ungrateful for all of this.” She beckoned to the room around her. “I know I’m lucky. But ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had dreams of other things out there.” She pointed at the painted constellations on her curved ceiling as it vaulted towards the loft, the highest point over the arched window. “I stare at the stars and I feel like my heart and soul yearns for them. Like they call to me, they speak to me. As I’ve gotten older, my parents constantly remind me that it is my duty to take the throne. I imagine most people would give anything to be a king or queen of an entire planet. But to me it feels only like a countdown. Every second that brings that moment closer is one less second of freedom. That pressure has a way of overshadowing this and making it hard to appreciate it.” 

            “But you want to become queen,” he said.

            “Yes.”

            “You’re afraid.”

            “I am,” she admitted. She sat up and looked at him. “I’m afraid I’m going to let them all down.”

            “You won’t,” he said, surprisingly confidently.

            “But I can’t be what they want me to be,” she said in exasperation and fell back against the bed again. “I am not the person they’re expecting to take the throne.”

            “I understand,” he whispered. “Master Qui-Gon believed I was some Chosen One of the Jedi. It felt nice to be considered so important, but he died before he was able to tell me what that meant. The rest of the order tip-toes around that title, carefully ignoring it or brushing off its importance, while simultaneously expecting things of me they don’t even tell me I’m supposed to be able to do. Sometimes it feels like everyone is holding their breath, waiting for me to become this thing that’s supposed to save the galaxy, and they all have a different expectation of what that thing is. How am I supposed to be what they want me to be? What if I don’t want to be it? I don’t even know what I’m supposed to save the galaxy from.”

            “Well it sounds like we both were given a destiny that neither of us want,” she muttered and brought her hands up to rub her face.

            “I’m still just a learner, but…” he started, “the Jedi believe that everything happens by the force’s grand design. I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is… that means that the force could have picked anyone to be the queen of Shili or the Chosen One of the Jedi, but instead it picked us. So maybe it picked us because of who we are.”

            “My biggest fear is not being queen, it’s being the queen  _they_  want me to be,” she said thoughtfully. “Your biggest fear isn’t being the Chosen One, it’s being whatever that means to  _them_ … We both feel like we’re going to let them down. But if the force chose  _us_  for these roles because we’re not what they expect us to be… That changes everything!”

            She jumped to her feet excitedly half thinking about scaling the rope ladder and giving him a kiss. She thought better of it though, before she’d moved too far. “We should probably get some sleep,” he said.

            “You expect me to be able to sleep after that?” She put her hands on her hips.

            He smiled, “goodnight, princess.” She frowned at his back as he turned away, crawling back towards the hammock. She watched it sag through the floor as he laid down in it.

            “Goodnight,” she said finally. He’d been in her life so very briefly in the grand scheme of things, but each time he’d managed to completely change her perspective on something she’d been struggling with for years. First it had been whether or not her call was wrong, or even if she had a call to begin with and now… it was easing her longest standing fear. If what he said was true about the force choosing them, it meant that they probably _were_ going to let everyone’s expectations down, but the tradeoff would be saving them all, right?

 _The wandering queen will carry us through darkness._  That’s what Homah Zy had told her and her father. The only way she could save her people from whatever was coming, was by being what she already was.  _Trust your call._

 

\---

 

            When she awoke the next morning, Tovash had laid out an outfit for her on the end of her bed. She also saw one laid out for Anakin at the base of the statue near the rope ladder. She smiled to herself. She didn’t really appreciate her assistant enough sometimes. He’d even managed to pick ones that would be easy to ride and move in. How he’d known that she wanted to take Anakin around outside the capital, she didn’t know.

            She could still see the sagging hammock when she headed under the loft towards the bathroom, so he must be still asleep. She didn’t want to bother him, so she moved as quietly as she could. Most mornings she took baths, but today she was in a hurry, so she stepped under the flowing water in the sunken shower and scrubbed herself down.

            He still hadn’t awoken by the time she’d gotten dressed, so she climbed the ladder to the loft. “Hey Skyguy,” she said, trying not to startle him.

            He rolled over and blinked up at her. “Is everything okay, Princess?” he asked, still sounding sleepy.

            “If there was anything wrong, do you think I’d very gently wake you?” she laughed. “I trust you slept well?”

            “I did, actually.” He rolled over and stretched, but he’d sounded surprised. “I don’t usually.”

            “I’m glad to hear it,” she smiled. “Tovash laid out an outfit for you down there. The bathroom is through the door under the loft, if you want to take a shower or a bath. I’ll be downstairs in the kitchen with your mother when you’re ready.” He looked like he was about to say something, but she put up her hand. “Don’t worry, I won’t leave the palace until you’re by my side. I won’t even look out a window.” She rolled her eyes and slid back down the ladder and headed out of the room. 

            Shmi was already in the kitchen when she got there, she loved to help the cooks and she loved to help her. Listening to Shmi hum was one of her favorite things and her tune was much lighter this morning. “Good morning, princess,” she greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

            “Good morning,” she smiled in response and pulled up her sleeves to wash her hands. As she watched the woman work, she admired her pretty face. She had a kind of ageless beauty and grace to her and it made her happy that she liked being here on Shili enough to stay. Being with Anakin again made her realize why she found her presence so soothing. He was so much like her, and maybe, she was much like they both were. Despite making her home in the castle and not needing to do anything to be allowed to stay here, she didn’t like being idle and letting other people wait on her. She helped out around the palace not because she had to, but because she wanted to.

            In truth, it was the same with all of the assistants. Each were masters of their disciplines and it was a matter of pride for them to show off their work and share it with the royal family. Every single one of them voluntarily did these jobs. Since Shili did not have any use for currency, most visitors assumed they were slaves. But they were not, they could come and go as they pleased. If one of the cooks, for example, decided they no longer wanted to work here, another would step up to show off their craft. Even the guards were volunteers. If they worked in the palace, they were given quarters and anything they needed to survive. So in a way, there  _was_  compensation for their work. 

            It had been strange on Naboo and Coruscant to see that people worked to earn credits and then had to use those credits to pay for shelter, food, water and other supplies or goods. Togruta were proud people, other than the basic needs to survive, they chose their crafts and excelled at them. To be allowed to share those crafts with the royal family was one of the highest honors they could be given. Because if recognized by them for their services, they were honored everywhere they went through that reputation they’d gained at the palace. Some of them came from halfway across the planet for a chance to share theirs. It was something that most outsiders really didn’t understand about them.

            There was some currency exchange that happened in the Corvala market simply because it was the only spaceport on the planet and therefore the only real link between Shili and the rest of the galaxy. But most people still preferred trading and exchanging goods for services. Many of the outsiders that took up residence on Shili would find their own craft to participate in, so they had things to trade. Nearly all houses were self-built or maintained. Anyone that couldn’t meet their basic needs, like people that didn’t know how to hunt, would either trade for food or form partnerships with others. These partnerships were like informal agreements or contracts, where they would agree to each do something for the other person. Like an outsider might form a partnership with a hunter and in exchange for the hunter gathering food for them both, the outsider would cook for them both.

            It was a very harmonious life and as much as she loved to travel herself, there was always a sense of peace when she returned home to what was familiar. Because of all her reading and learning from Artoo, she had a basic understanding of how other cultures worked. They’d established some wealth, if you could call the stack of useless credits that, simply so that she could pay for fuel or anything she might need whenever she left Shili. Ironically, the spaceport was the only real source of revenue because people were so used to paying for berths, so they simply made it official. If there was any need for that money to be spread through the city it would be, otherwise it came to the palace vault. She still didn’t understand why people all over the galaxy seemed to worship a stack of money. There was nothing interesting or exciting about it. It was just boring pieces of metal, as far as she was concerned. It wasn’t even pretty to look at.

            Anakin joined them a short while later and they all sat around talking and laughing with the other cooks as breakfast was prepared. When it was ready, they helped carry it up to the dining hall where all the workers had begun to gather. Once all the food was laid out, everyone sat on their respective cushions and ate, chatting happily about this or that. One of her favorite things about Shili was that anyone that worked in the palace; guards, cooks, stable masters, etc, ate alongside her and her parents at meal times. There was no pretense or protocol. Meal times were for everybody, and they all ate together like one big family.

            It hadn’t been like that on Naboo, where her and Padmé would often eat their meals alone or with other important dignitaries while being served by others. The first time this had happened, it had made her ask if the workers ever ate. To which Padmé had laughed and assured her they ate in the kitchen once their meal was finished. That had bothered her more than she’d cared to admit, but she’d not asked any other questions like it, afraid to embarrass herself with her lack of knowledge of social customs on other worlds. 

            “I’d like for you to spend as much time with your mother as possible,” she said after they’d helped clear the tables and clean up from breakfast. “But if I could steal you for awhile, there’s something I’d really like to show you.”

            “I appreciate that,” he said softly. “Obi wan never let me go home to see her or even send her a message. I see now that she wouldn’t have been there, so perhaps it’s just as well.” She felt a twinge of resentment in his words though he’d attempted to hide it. She should have told him a long time ago that she’d freed his mother. Maybe that would have saved him a lot of pain. She felt really stupid all of a sudden.

            “The Jedi don’t allow attachments,” she said, remembering what he’d told her that first day. What in Meht Shili’s name was so bad about having attachments?

            “They believe duty to one gets in the way of duty to all.” She glanced at him sideways as he crossed his arms behind his back and stared out across the plains. She had to bite her tongue, so she didn’t say how ridiculous that sounded. After a moment he turned towards her. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

            It was really hard to swallow her need to pry further, but she let it go because she could already feel his pain from it. No wonder he’d seemed so lonely when she saw him again. He’d been surrounded by people but not allowed to be close to anyone. So, then what? You’re expected to respect and care about people you’re not allowed to know? What an awful life. Despite her constant desire to wander, as her father called it, she would never want to live alone like that. Well, rules of attachment or not, she was still going to be friendly with him and allow him to keep in touch with his mother if he wished. She didn’t see anything wrong with that.

            It had taken longer than last time to get to the place she’d dreamt about right before seeing him again. Mainly because it had taken a long time just to coax him to get onto the ikopi that he was certain would impale him if he did so. Once on it, however, he hadn’t been very comfortable letting it run as fast as it was capable, so it had been a slow stride getting back to the mountain. He looked around, but he didn’t seem to recognize it immediately, which made her heart sink. She’d been so sure he would know it too. That the dream had to have been a shared vision, not her own imagination.

            “This place is very strong in the force,” he said as they stood outside the cave and looked around.

            “What does that mean?” she asked curiously.

            “The Jedi call them intersections,” he explained. “It’s a place where the force seems to cross like ley lines. These types of places are often considered very sacred because there hasn’t been any kind of disruption to its natural flow.” She rolled her lips for a moment trying to understand what he was talking about. As if he realized she wasn’t following his explanation, he continued, “when the force hasn’t been influenced in a negative way in a place, it is easier to feel and work with.” He reached out his right hand and narrowed his eyes in concentration. She watched in awe as he lifted one of the boulders near the entrance of the cave without even touching it. “Normally that would take a lot more effort,” he said once he’d put it back down.

            “How did you do that?” she asked coming over and studying his hand, turning it over. He laughed at her confusion.

            “You just reach out and concentrate,” he replied. She immediately stepped up next to him and stuck her hand out, concentrating on the boulder. “But it takes a lot of training to be able to…”

            “I moved it!” she said in excitement. “Did you see that, Skyguy?” So she hadn’t lifted it like he had, but it had definitely wiggled around some, maybe even turned. This was definitely something she was going to have to practice more. 

            “Princess,” he said when she tried to reach out again. “If you’re going to do that, I would start with smaller objects. Larger ones are harder to control, and you could hurt yourself.”

            “You mean like this?” she asked and sent a smaller pebble flying at him.

            “How did you…?” He stared at her in disbelief.

            “This is amazing!” She twirled around laughing. “I feel like something inside me woke up! Show me more things,” she demanded, grabbing his arm and shaking him.

            “I’m not really allowed to do that,” he said quickly. “I’ve already done more than I should have.”

            “Oh come on. Please!” she begged.

            “I’m sorry, princess,” he said dropping his head. “I can’t.”

            “Why does it matter if someone not in the Jedi order knows how to do these things?” she asked stubbornly.

            “Without proper training, the force can be a dangerous weapon,” he replied. “People could get hurt. It takes years of discipline to wield it responsibly.”

            “You think I’m going to hurt people with it?”

            “Not on purpose of course,” he said quickly. “But sometimes it can come out in bursts of uncontrolled power and bad things can happen.”

            “Well if you trained me to use it properly, that wouldn’t happen.” She crossed her arms. She didn’t want to care about their rules, but she also didn’t want to get him in trouble. Already finding out she could use the force and seeing how quickly she could pick it up, had felt like the whole universe had opened up to her. And here he was telling her she wasn’t allowed to reach for it.

            “I… I can’t…” He turned away and she watched him take a deep breath.

            “Fine,” she sighed. He might not be willing to train her, but she was still going to learn how to do it even if she had to teach herself. That’s how she learned to do most things since her parent’s wouldn’t teach her either.

            She looked up the mountain and it dawned on her that he probably didn’t recognize this place because he’d only seen it from the top. He didn’t know she could explore things in her memory. She patted the ikopis and led them a little way to the nearby stream, so they could drink. When she turned around again he was watching her sadly. She studied him for a moment wondering what he was thinking. There was something in his eyes, something she couldn’t quite figure out. Maybe a kind of longing. Maybe more of that loneliness. Maybe being friendly with him when he wasn’t supposed to get attached to people was even worse than being lonely.

            Whether the Jedi allowed it or not, it was natural to get attached to people. How do you not anyways? She tried to smile at him, but he didn’t return it. She didn’t like this solemn version of him. It wasn’t that people weren’t allowed to be sad, but there had been so much joy and optimism in him, even when he’d been a slave, it was heartbreaking to see that disappear. She made her way back towards him, feeling the strongest urge to reach out to him in a way she probably should resist. But there were feelings there, things that were stirring inside her, things she’d never really felt before. He was her friend, nothing more, but sometimes when he looked at her… there was something else.

            “Come on,” she said finally, managing to keep her arms at her sides. “What I wanted to show you is up at the top of the mountain.” He didn’t say anything, but she felt him follow her as she made her way up the incline to the spot they’d met in her dream. She watched him as he turned around, taking it in. There was recognition in his face this time and confusion.

            “I’ve been here before,” he whispered, moving towards the spot he’d been standing in the dream. “I was standing here, looking out over the grasslands and then you appeared.” He turned back to her, his eyes intense and deep. “I thought I was dreaming. But I wasn’t?”

            She shook her head. “I went looking for this place after the vision. I was led here, first by a bird and then by a call.” She pursed her lips realizing how silly that must of sounded. “It was nowhere I’d ever been before though I knew it was still somewhere on Shili.”

            “A call?” he asked. “What kind of call?”

            “It was like a song. It vibrated the air, but I was the only one that could hear it.” She put her hand over her neck feeling for the crystals she’d found in the cave below. “That sounds crazy doesn’t it?”

            “No,” he said sincerely. She took a deep breath and risked a glance at his face. Then she pulled the necklace out from beneath her tunic. She’d fashioned the two crystals beneath the bone carving he’d given her ten years before. They pulsed softly against her skin and comforted her often; it was the one piece of jewelry Tovash never made her exchange for whatever he put on her. His eyes widened when she held it up in front of him and he closed the distance between them, taking the necklace in his hands. “Kyber crystals?” he said in surprise.

            “I don’t know what that is,” she said looking down at the ground.

            “These called to you?” he asked.

            “Yes, I think so.” She shifted nervously under the intensity of his gaze. “I mean the cavern was full of crystals, but those two stood out to me.”

            “Did anything happen when you touched them?”

            “Yes,” she bit her lip. “There was a flash of images and faces. Nothing that made sense to me. Why?” He handed her back the crystals and started pacing and then he finally stopped and reached into his pocket, pulling out his light sword. He opened a panel on the side and pulled out a crystal and held it up.

            “Kyber crystals are what power lightsabers,” he said after a moment. “But only Jedi are called to them. At least that’s what was explained to me.” She reached out and he reluctantly let her take his crystal from him. It pulsed gently in the palm of her hand, just like the two she’d found. Unlike hers though, there was a soft bluish glow to it. When she held it, it felt like him.

            “Are they alive?” she asked.

            “No. They’re a physical manifestation of the force.”

            “But they have a heartbeat and they call to people?”

            “The force is what calls to people and the force lives in it. The force _is_ alive,” he explained. She gave him back his crystal and he put it back inside his lightsaber. She looked over the two she’d found.

            “But if I’m not a Jedi, why would the force call me to lightsaber crystals? Does that mean I should be a Jedi? Or that I should have weapons like yours?” She looked up at him.

            “I don’t know,” he said. “Master Kenobi might, or Master Yoda.”

            She tied the necklace back around her neck and sighed. It felt like every clue she found out about herself only opened more questions. She wanted answers, she wanted to know, but he’d already said the Jedi wouldn’t train her. Probably even if she showed them these kyber crystals that had called to her. It was starting to feel like Anakin was her only link to who she was meant to be. “Please don’t tell them,” she said suddenly.

            “Why?” he asked in surprise.

            “Because I’m not meant to be a Jedi,” she said. She furrowed her brow and stared past him. Why was she suddenly sure of that? Then she remembered what they’d talked about last night. The force was calling her to something bigger, but if it had meant her to be a Jedi, surely they would have found her when she was the right age to be trained. Unless her father had not allowed them to take her, so the force was finding another way. Either that, or all of it, all the things she thought other people were dictating about her life, were not in their control either; and that the force had purposely not allowed her to go to the Jedi temple.

            “Princess?” he asked in concern. “Are you alright?”

            “Yes,” she replied. He looked like he was going to say something else but didn’t manage it. They stood in silence for awhile, staring at the view while she worked things through in her brain. Whatever was calling her to this, he was a part of. She didn’t know how, or why, but she was sure he was. Even if she wasn’t meant to be part of the Jedi order, he was her link to it. If he was the Chosen One, and she was somehow linked to him, then perhaps she was part of whatever that meant.

            She knew bad things were coming. She didn’t know when or how or why. But she knew they were. She knew that despite Shili’s minimal involvement in the Republic, they would not be left out of the conflict and ignored as being insignificant. She knew things were changing. And maybe that countdown she’d been feeling wasn’t about the moment she was going to take the throne, but rather when all this was going to start. Trained as a Jedi or not, she would learn whatever she could about how to do what they could and how to control and refine her own powers.

            “I just realized,” he said suddenly. “I never thanked you for saving my mother.” She looked at him, surprised to find him so close. She stared at him a moment and before she could really think about what was happening, he leaned in and kissed her on the lips. She probably should have pushed him away, but it had felt really good. Like the moment they’d connected, it had solidified everything that she’d been struggling to connect. “Thank you.” She didn’t stop to think before she took his face in her hands and kissed him back. He pulled her closer and she melted at the feel of his soft lips against hers. _Yeah, they were just friends…_

            “Uh… you’re welcome,” she said feeling kind of dazed all of a sudden.

            “I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile now,” he whispered, looking away as his cheeks flushed again.

            “I thought Jedi weren’t allowed to have attachments?”

            “Well…” He looked sheepish. “I think it’s a little late for that.”

            “You think?” She pushed him gently on the shoulder. But then she grabbed him and kissed him again, savoring the way everything else faded away when he touched her so sweetly. The way he made every fear disappear and as she’d noticed before, the way everything felt like it would be okay when he was there.

            How was she going to explain this to her parents?


	13. Awakening

            She awoke feeling suddenly restless and stared at the ceiling. She listened hard but heard nothing that should have alarmed her enough to disrupt her sleep. She could hear Anakin breathing softly in the loft above her and she tried to relax so she could roll over and go back to sleep. There was no trickle of awareness, nothing streaming across her senses. So as she laid there fighting for sleep to return, she got increasingly agitated. 

            She sighed and rolled onto her back again, her eyes tracing the painted constellations on the ceiling. The longer she stared at them, she began to notice something shifting around her. It wasn’t an immediate danger, not like the times she felt the threat of the bounty hunters before they’d attack. It was an awakening of sorts, one that didn’t feel good. 

            Unable to go back to sleep, she crawled out of bed, wrapping a robe around her. She tiptoed beneath the loft and through the double doors onto her private balcony. Anakin didn’t like her going outside without him being awake and able to protect her, but it was the middle of the night. Who would expect her to even be up at this hour?

            Though her room faced the north side of the city, and allowed her to see the spaceport from it, it was too far from the main plateau to worry about any weapons fired from there to reach her. She was tired of being hovered over, even if she did like Anakin’s company. But she wasn’t stupid, she just didn’t see the threat he did. 

            She leaned down on the balcony railing and stared at the sleepy city across the valley. To see such a peaceful scene soothed her, but something restless was still bouncing around in her brain. What could have changed? What was going on out there? The more she dwelled on it, the more it irritated her. 

            She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, sinking into the feeling of connectedness to the planet around her. Whatever was disrupting her calm, seemed to be pulsing from beyond Shili. And it was steadily growing. Threatening, suffocating... as though any minute now, someone would flip a switch and evil would be unleashed upon them. Was this, whatever it was, what she’d been dreading for years? Was it finally here? 

            She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about what Anakin had said his first night here. That maybe she was exactly who she needed to be to lead her people through this. Was war imminent? This oppressive, impending darkness could easily be an escalated version of the battle she’d fought in on Naboo ten years earlier. It had a similar feel, but far more sinister. 

            Would she have what it took to protect her people? But more than that, would she be brave enough to forge her own path to do so, even if everyone around her disapproved? Could she let her parents down like that? Could she live with her choices even if they broke traditions or unspoken rules? She really didn’t know if she could. It was terrifying to think that if she followed this feeling where it led her, that she’d be all alone in unknown territory. 

            Despite her uncertainties though, she couldn’t ignore Homah Zy’s words,  _trust your call_. But her call didn’t really make sense. It was leading her away from all the things she was expected to do. And after what she’d shared with Anakin last night on the mountain, how could she ever be sure it wasn’t her heart leading rather than the force?

            She clutched at it suddenly, dropping to one knee. Pain streaked through her body as she felt a rush of fear. She panicked, gasping for breath and then she heard him call out. Or maybe she felt him, she couldn’t be sure. She broke free of whatever had come over her and raced through the doors back inside. 

            She could barely make him out thrashing around through the hole in the floor as she ran underneath him to the rope ladder. Once she’d scaled it, she crawled on her hands and knees towards the hammock in the loft. It wasn’t light outside yet, but she could still see him twisting and turning about under the covers, as though in deep pain. “Anakin,” she whispered, reaching out to touch him.

            He jumped violently, tumbling back towards the edge of the hammock, and with barely enough time to move, she fell back off her knees to miss the slash of his lightsaber that went straight through where her head had been. She stared at him wide-eyed, not realizing until that moment that she probably shouldn’t have approached or woken him that way. Jedi were warriors, which meant, their reflexes were to fight or defend, not casually respond if someone startled them. 

            “Princess?” he squeaked, looking first at her and then at his lightsaber; which he promptly shut off and dropped. “What are you doing?” His question was almost demanding, as though he was daring her to have a good explanation for moving about her own room, or rather, waking him up in such a manner. 

            Suddenly annoyed, both at him for his attitude, and at her own stupidity for not thinking about what she was doing, she crossed her arms. “You had a nightmare,” she huffed. “I was checking on you.”

            “I almost killed you!” He sat forward, narrowing his eyes at her. 

            “Well you didn’t!” she argued. “I was out of the way in plenty of time.” She tried to make it sound like he was the one overreacting. She tried to hide her still racing heart, or the way her breathing still seemed to come and go. She might not be a Jedi by title, but she definitely seemed to have their power, or at least their reflexes. 

            Despite her annoyance with him at the moment, since as far as she was concerned, it had been perfectly reasonable to check on someone who was having a nightmare, she had the strongest urge to crawl into the hammock with him seeking comfort. But was that for him or for her? Now that she thought about it though, him having a nightmare at the same time as her waking up restless and feeling as though things had taken a turn for the worse, did little to distract her from her rattled brain. If anything, it confirmed to her that something bad was coming. After all, he’d been trained to be more in tune with this  _force_  than her. And though her connection to it appeared to be strong and instinctual, she lacked the necessary tools to understand what it was telling her. 

            Before she could change her mind, she eased herself down into the hammock too and scooted towards him. He watched her for a few minutes, still upset and probably freaked out. Once she’d worked her way closer to him, she looked up at his face. He must have finally realized she’d had her own experience, because he relaxed his shoulders and moved his arm, so she could lean against him. Either that or he decided he wanted his own comforting even if he’d never admit he needed it.

            “Do you feel it?” she asked, shivering slightly. He tightened his hold on her and threw the blanket over her too. “It was more than a nightmare.” He didn’t say anything, so she kept talking. “Whatever it is that I’ve been dreading for years… it’s here. Or at least, it’s begun.” She took a deep breath, a tear escaping her eye. She felt him tense first, as though he was about to shut down or tell her off. But then he seemed to calm himself down. She felt the air shift a little as he opened up, as though she could connect more easily to him. “What was your nightmare about?” she asked.

            He hesitated a moment but then sighed. “I dreamt about Obi wan,” he said finally. “It didn’t make any sense. He’s with Padmé. But in the dream, he was in danger. There was sand, and dust. It reminded me of Tatooine, but it wasn’t Tatooine. I saw droids, like those the Trade Federation had used on Naboo before. So many droids. I saw Jedi and people in armor fighting them. It wasn’t like what had happened ten years ago. There was just a darkness to it. So much darkness. And pain… and death.”

            She cuddled into him closer, wrapping her arms around his chest as they snuggled there in the hammock. She didn’t know exactly what time it was, but the sun hadn’t risen yet. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing in the comfort of his presence. She was scared, more scared than she’d ever been before. But just like she’d noticed since finding him again, it felt like they’d be okay. They’d be okay, if they stuck together.

            “It probably didn’t mean anything,” he sighed, and she could feel him attempt to relax. 

            “But what if it does?” she asked, tipping her head back to look at his face. As much as she’d seemed to have fallen for him in such a short amount of time, admittedly, he confused her. Sometimes it felt like he was a walking contradiction. One minute saying he had this intense nightmare, the next playing it off as though it meant nothing. Unless it was a way he coped with pain or fear;  _denial_. 

            “I told you, Princess, he’s on Naboo. There’s nothing like what I saw there. It was just a dream. We should go back to sleep.”

            “There’s no way I’m going to be able to go back to sleep now,” she said. “Maybe we should ask the elder about it? It could have been a vision, of what’s coming.”

            “You really think the Trade Federation would be stupid enough to pull that stunt again?” He shook his head.

            “I think it’s much bigger than the Trade Federation.” She sat up and started crawling back out of the hammock, somewhat annoyed and disappointed that he didn’t seem to be taking her seriously, despite having just had a nightmare about very possibly, the exact same thing that her feeling was about. “Well fine, you go back to sleep,” she sighed. “I’m going to go call Padmé.”

            “Ahsoka,” he called after her once she’d hit the ground again. “I told you, it’s nothing.”

            She crossed her arms and looked back up at him as he leaned over the edge of the loft. “So, then there’s no reason I can’t call my friend and have a chat.” She turned and headed past her bed into the closet and quickly changed into better clothes to leave the palace in. “Artoo,” she called as she came back out. The droid started up and beeped and whirred at her, wheeling forward. Anakin was dressed and standing by the door, which surprised her, because she hadn’t thought she’d taken that long to change. “I thought you were going back to sleep?” she mumbled at him. 

            “Right, and I’m to just let you wander off when I’m supposed to be protecting you?”

            “It’s the middle of the night, who’s going to be waiting out there to take me down?” she argued. “Nobody would have reason to believe I’d even be outside at this hour. So technically, I’d probably be safer out there than in here.” She brushed past him and pulled open the heavy door. He’d been on Shili for only a few days and as much as she liked his company, she was starting to feel a little claustrophobic with his incessant need to follow her everywhere like if he’d blink, something horrible would happen. 

            Well she didn’t want to live in fear of her own home. She didn’t want to look around every corner or tiptoe down the hallways, or slink through the streets. Even if there was a true threat on her life, she’d rather take it as it comes than stop living because something  _might_  happen. She appreciated his concern and she knew it was his duty, but it still frustrated her to not have a moments peace or freedom to go anywhere without an escort. She hadn’t been training herself all these years to fight so people could treat her delicately. If something was going to happen, then she would face it down when it comes. 

            Ironically, she feared death, war and darkness way less than she feared her parents’ disappointment. She was scared about what was coming, but not because of the danger. Her fear was more about it being unknown; what if she couldn’t handle it? What if she doubted herself? What if her parents disagreed? What if by following her instincts, she’d mess up bad and many more would die...? That was probably the fear that haunted her the most; it wasn’t her death, it was being responsible for the deaths of thousands of others  _because_  she hadn’t listened to the people around her. How could she possibly know if her way was the right way? How could she trust her call and herself when everything else was telling her it was wrong?

            Anakin set his hand on her shoulder and she started, pulling herself from her thoughts and the weight that had fallen over her. If this was really nothing, then her and Padmé could have a nice conversation and then she could go back to bed; delaying the inevitable by yet another day. 

            “I know you’re scared, Princess,” he said softly. “I know you don’t want to admit it. But you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You need to stop pushing everyone away.”

            She pulled away and crossed her arms. “Does that same sentiment apply to you? Because you should listen to your own advice.” She turned on her heels and headed down the hallway. His words were nice, it wasn’t that that was bothering her. It was that he was doing the exact same thing. 

            He tried to hide that his nightmare had rattled him. He tried to act like he wasn’t scared. She’d felt the change in him when she’d admitted that something bigger was at work. He hadn’t taken it well at all that her ominous feeling somehow confirmed what he was trying to deny. But more than anything, it annoyed her that he wouldn’t open up to her. That he wouldn’t let her in. If they were going to have any kind of future... if having a future with him was even possible... she wanted to feel like he trusted her enough to talk to her. She didn’t think anything less of him if he was vulnerable occasionally; how could she? She could feel his strength; one admission of weakness wouldn’t make that fade away. Everybody was weak sometimes. 

            If they were going to be a part of each other’s lives, she wanted to actually  _be_  a part of it. Not just the good stuff. Not just secret meetings or romantic rendezvous. She wanted to be all there, with  _all_  of it. Not just some external parasite that knew only what was in their immediate vicinity. And she wanted to know, that if she bared her soul to him, he’d do the same for her. She didn’t know a lot about love or relationships, but it couldn’t be a one-way street. If she was willing to risk everything to have one with him, she wanted him to be there.  _All there_. Was that too much to ask?

            And maybe she was overthinking it, maybe they were getting ahead of themselves. Maybe the kiss last night hadn’t been more than the thank you he’d meant it to be. Maybe he had no intention of having a long-term relationship with her. If that was the case, well... it didn’t change her expectations of a relationship. Whether it was with him or with someone else. If she was going to pick someone, she’d want to pick someone that understood her need to be as much a part of their life as she wanted them to be a part of hers. 

            He stepped up next to her as they passed the guards at the entrance and headed across the bridge. She took comfort in hearing Artoo roll along behind her. In the sound of his breathing next to her. They hadn’t talked about what happened up there on that hill. They hadn’t talked about the kiss, or what it meant or even if they would become more. In fact, he seemed to be purposely avoiding the topic, despite the fact that she could feel it burning in him too. He wanted more, of that she was sure. His desire lived in his eyes and in the way he’d held her, and even in his soft touch a short while ago. And even though she really wanted to know where it was going, she could also feel his conflict and uncertainty; that his desires directly contradicted his path in life. Was it selfish to expect him to break the rules for her? Was it wrong for them to be together when they both weren’t allowed to be?

            She shook it from her brain as they stepped into the tram that started gliding over the rooftops north towards the spaceport. She stared at the passing scenery trying to think about something other than him. Which was getting increasingly difficult. Not only did his presence feel right next to her; like he belonged in her life, she could feel everything he was trying to hide. She could feel or hear the changing tempo of his heartbeat. She could hear every breath. With just a little more prying, she could feel his emotions as they changed; his tension, his fear, his expectation, his need. If she opened herself even further, sometimes it felt like she knew exactly what he was thinking, or exactly what he was about to say. She didn’t have to see him to know when or how he was looking at her. She didn’t have to watch his body movements to feel his shifts. It was like they’d already connected somehow, so deeply, that he was as much a part of her as she was. Was that because of their friendship on Tatooine, or was it a recent change? Was it normal? Did it matter? She was too nervous to mention it, afraid he’d close it down and she wouldn’t be able to feel it anymore. 

            Well, whatever they were or ended up being, she would appreciate this connection while it lasted. It was comforting to not feel so alone anymore. And by alone, it wasn’t that she was physically alone so much as never before having someone in her life that actually seemed to understand how she was different from the people around her every day. The solidarity of knowing that someone else just understood something that was nearly impossible to articulate. After so many years of feeling out of place in her own home, surrounded by her own people, it was a welcome relief to not constantly feel like she was going crazy or that she was wrong, or somehow not normal. That what she could do was perfectly reasonable even if she wasn’t in the place you usually found people like her. 

            If her father had known she had the potential to be a Jedi and purposely hadn’t let her go to the temple to be trained, how would he feel about finding out Anakin was a Jedi? Or that she felt like she belonged more with him; a human and an outsider, than she’d ever felt like she belonged here with other Togruta? It wasn’t that the people of Shili didn’t like outsiders, because they did. They welcomed anyone here who wanted to be here, regardless of species as long as they learned to live within their ways. However unspoken though, she was absolutely certain that the heir to the throne choosing a suitor not of her people would not go over well at all. So even if her and Anakin decided to have a relationship, it would have to remain a secret. For now.

            She stepped off the tram and threw her attention back on the task of calling her friend. So much for not thinking about him. She wondered if she’d ever stop thinking about him. If she could sense his feelings, he could probably sense hers too and she needed to tone it down in case she scared him off. 

            The spaceport was deserted at this hour, as expected. Not only was it not a busy spaceport, it had no reason to run all hours of the day and night. It averaged possibly two ships per week, if that. Some weeks none, some weeks more. Nothing had become clearer to her since becoming representative, how insignificant her planet was to the rest of the galaxy. Despite being rich in resources, it wasn’t a haven for pirates or trouble makers. It had little value to the rest of the Republic. Very few people she’d met on Coruscant had even heard of it, let alone known anything about it. Which then made it all that much more interesting that a leadership class from Naboo, in the mid rim, had even known it existed. Maybe meeting Padmé hadn’t been an accident either? She certainly wouldn’t know half the things she did about what lived out there past the atmosphere, amongst the stars, had she never met a young princess from a totally different world so many years ago.

            She instructed Artoo to plug into the ship’s computer to call Naboo. This was often how her and Padmé talked or sent messages to each other. There was no holodevice or communicator in the palace that had the same range or number of channels or frequencies. The spaceport was the only part of Shili that was tapped into the rest of the galaxy and with Artoo’s help, could amplify the signal even further for her to talk to her friend. She often came down here to listen to the news too or check any messages she might have that involved her senate duties. It was probably her only connection to the outside world.

            “Ahsoka!” Padmé exclaimed excitedly. “How good to hear from you. I’ve been bored out of my mind pacing around here having to hide.” She smirked to herself at the tone in Padmé’s voice. She had a background of luxury, but she hated being idle. It was one of the many ways they were alike. She craved action too. Of course her version of it tended to be more calculated; often as a power move or a show of strength. But she also counted her senate duties as action, which Ahsoka herself, found far too boring for her own tastes; she preferred physical action to lots of talking. “Have there been any other attempts on your life?”

            Ahsoka shook her head. “No. You?”

            “None. I suppose I should be thankful that I’m no longer a target or they don’t know where I am. I’m glad to see you made it home to Shili safely.” Padmé smiled at her and glanced at Anakin who was next to her. “Master Jedi,” she addressed him. “Do you have any further instructions on how long I must hide like a coward?”

            She felt Anakin tense next to her, a rush of fear course through him. “Isn’t Obi wan with you?” he asked, swallowing hard. She tried to temper her own rush of worry at his reaction. Clearly he hadn’t been expecting her to be right about the nightmare possibly meaning more.

            “He was,” Padmé started, and she was afraid he’d burst a blood vessel if he tensed any further. Her friend brought her hand up to her chin. “He got a call shortly after we arrived from someone. Next thing I knew, he told me to stay put and was rushing off to who knows where. I assumed he’d communicated to you where he was going or what we were supposed to do in idle.”

            Anakin glanced at her looking almost helpless, his face was ashen and written with concern. “We haven’t heard from Master Kenobi,” she told her friend. “As far as I’m aware, we’re to sit tight until he gives us other instructions.”

            “Surely the threat has passed enough for us to return to our senate duties,” Padmé whined. “I’m going to die of boredom here. Besides, the bill was passed, there is no need to worry about stopping us from voting against it.”

            “Uh, Padmé, hold for a moment please,” she said and nodded to Artoo to shut down the transmission for a few minutes. “If master Kenobi is no longer with Padmé and we haven’t heard from him, it doesn’t mean he’s in the danger you saw in your dream,” she tried to comfort Anakin.

            “But what if he is? I can’t just sit here and do nothing!” he sounded exasperated. “And what about Padmé? What if the attempts on your lives was more than about that bill? Now she’s there completely unprotected.”

            She chewed on her lip for a moment, studying his face. One minute he’d hardly believed the dream meant anything at all. The next, he was certain it was coming true. “Well, what do you feel?”

            He looked at her startled for a moment and then nodded slowly. She felt him sit back and take a deep breath. Again she felt things swirl around him, like the very air changed with his energy. She felt power radiate from him, as it tingled her senses, but it calmed her in a strange way. Like she wished she could tap into it too. As strong as he could anyways. 

            “I can’t feel him,” he said after awhile. “But usually I can’t when we’re this far apart anyways.” He sighed in frustration. 

            “Well, if the nightmare meant he was in danger, you clearly felt something from him, no matter where he was. But maybe if you’re not feeling it right now, it’s because the danger passed, or hasn’t happened yet,” she said thoughtfully. “Our elder often talks about visions of the future. What if that’s what you saw?”

            “But the near future or the distant future?” he asked. She hated hearing his helplessness and fear.

            “Can you call the Jedi council and ask if they’ve heard from him? Surely they’d know where he is.”

            “They’d probably just tell me he’s on a mission and not to worry.”

            “They would ignore it if you told them you had a vision? That doesn’t sound good,” she muttered.

            “We don’t know it’s a vision,” he replied in frustration.

            “Do you think it is?”

            “I don’t know… maybe.” He rubbed his hands together getting increasingly agitated. “Yes.”

            “Artoo,” she said after a moment. “Bring Padmé back online.” Artoo beeped obediently and a second later, her friend was standing there again.

            “Is everything alright?” she asked worriedly.

            “Anakin and I are going to come to Naboo and keep you company,” she said, ignoring his surprise next to her. “Until we hear from Obi wan, at least we can be sure you’ll be safe too.”

            “I don’t think there’s much of a threat anymore,” Padmé said. “But I’d certainly welcome the company.”

            “We’ll see you soon, senator,” she said goodbye to her friend.

            “My mandate was to escort you home to Shili and protect you,” he said in annoyance. 

            “Yeah, well,” she smirked getting to her feet. “Now you can protect both of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow update on this story. I think I finally broke through my writer's block. Yay!


	14. Distress Call

            A few short hours later, they were on their way to Naboo. They’d packed some supplies, Tovash had gathered clothes for both of them, they’d said goodbye to Shmi for now and she’d informed her father where she was going. And now that she was sitting in the copilot seat of her ship, with Anakin at the helm and Artoo beeping excitedly behind her, she was amazed she’d gotten off the planet without her assistant and without her father complaining.

            Probably because she’d told him they were going straight to Naboo to be with Padmé and her security detail, and they’d be far from any public events that would require being dressed up or decked out to represent her planet. 

            Despite Anakin’s annoyance that she’d made the decision for them to go there without consulting him, she could tell he was actually relieved that he didn’t have to worry about Padmé either. Should she be jealous that he clearly still had feelings for the former queen of Naboo, despite the kiss they’d shared up there on the hill? Or was he simply feeling protective of them because he believed them to need protecting? He couldn’t be more wrong on that account. 

            Padmé might not be force sensitive, but she wasn’t weak either. She was better with a blaster than anyone else she knew. In every situation, she was smart and aware. She knew when to talk and when to fight. It wasn’t a good idea to let her soft and pretty features fool you, if you crossed her, she wouldn’t hesitate to put you down. 

            She herself, was small and probably hardly intimidating. But what she lacked in size, she made up for in speed and ingenuity. She knew how to use her environment to protect herself, she’d studied countless forms of fighting, she’d practiced for years in the arena against all manner of creatures, and she had the force, even if she was still an amateur with it. The only thing that ever held her back when threatened was the ridiculous clothes she had to wear in public. 

            But Tovash wasn’t with them, and she could wear whatever she wanted now. In fact, she decided she was going to strip the stuff he’d put on her before they left, right now. She got to her feet and headed back into her quarters. She opened her trunks and rummaged through them, looking for just a simple outfit that she could move in. She sighed at all the feathers and jewelry, tossing them to the side. After a few minutes of digging, she stood up and stretched her back, looking around. He’d throw a fit at the way she’d carelessly sprawled all the neatly packed garments around her room. He’d probably lecture her for hours about it. 

            She finally pulled a pair of pants from the trunk and a long sleeve shirt. Still overly fancy, both of them; covered in beading and embroidery, but the simplest things she could find. Just as she was about to throw a fit about not being able to reach the buttons behind her, Anakin knocked on her door.

            “Enter,” she said breathlessly, still fighting with reaching around her growing back lekku to contort herself enough to reach the stupid things. She silently cursed her assistant wondering if he realized she couldn’t get in or out of these things by herself. He probably did that on purpose now, since he was tired of her stripping off the complicated clothes he put on her. “Would you please get this off me!” she exclaimed when Anakin stopped in the doorway. He stared at her for a moment and then glanced around at the clothes and jewelry she’d thrown all over the room and then to her surprise, he burst out laughing. She put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot. “What’s so funny, Skyguy?” she demanded. 

            “I’m sorry, Princess,” he said, trying to swallow his cheeky grin. “I couldn’t help myself.”

            She scowled at him as he carefully tiptoed around the mess she’d made and stepped up behind her. She caught her breath when she felt his hands on the back of her shirt. She really hadn’t thought that through when she’d asked him to help her get it off. She turned her head to get her back lekku out of the way, but now that she’d become aware of it, she felt the heat rise in her cheeks. Her assistants dressed and undressed her all the time, why was this so different? There was nothing about this that should feel so intimate, but it did. She rolled her lips trying to drown out the sudden rush of desire she felt, as she felt him work his way down the back of her top; his fingers occasionally brushing her skin. 

            This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. Not even their middle of the night cuddle session or the kiss on the hill had felt like this. Was it her imagination or was he taking far longer to undo it than he needed to? Were his hands lingering longer than they should? She swallowed and closed her eyes, instantly blasted by the closeness of his presence. She tried to hold her breath, so she could focus on something other than what he was doing. She brought her hands up in front of her to catch it before it fell away, suddenly embarrassed and a bit weak in the knees. He leaned closer to her, near her left lekku. She felt a rush of excitement, like she wanted him to do something. To touch her, to kiss her… anything. 

            But he didn’t. He moved back around so he was in front of her and she blinked up at him feeling weird. “All done,” he said softly. It felt like he’d kicked her feet out from under her. She was suddenly lightheaded. She mentally tried to stabilize herself, so he didn’t see it, but when she looked at his eyes, there was heat there too; desire, _want_. 

            “Uh, thanks,” she said finally. Feeling as though she’d completely lost her cool. “Now turn around so I can change.” She summoned as much spunk back into her voice as she could manage. 

            “Of course, princess,” he said and turned his back to her. She instantly dropped her head in her hands trying to shake herself. What the kriff had just come over her? She’d been courted by several people over the years, but none had ever made her feel like that. Was that good or bad? She peeked through her fingers to make sure he wasn’t looking and quickly dropped away the fabric around her chest, fighting to pull on the other shirt as fast as possible, cursing her lekku for being so long and in the way now. Why’d her head have to grow so big? Once over her arms she wrapped it around herself three times and tied it off.

            Assuring herself he still wasn’t looking, she untied the leather around her waist and shed her skirt, pulling on the pants and hopping on one foot as she fought with the bottom hem. Once she got it up, she collapsed onto the bed feeling drained, tingly and confused. She had no idea how to even process what had just happened. Then she remembered he was still in the room and glanced towards the door. 

            She blushed the moment she realized he was staring at her. How long had he been watching? Had he seen anything? “I turned around when you fell on the bed,” he murmured, finally glancing down at the floor. She could see color rise in his cheeks as well. “I was worried you’d hurt yourself.”

            Part of her wanted to snap at him, to even think that she’d be so delicate that she’d hurt herself on a bed. But still shaken from the weird feelings and the ridiculousness of all of it, she started laughing. “That’s pretty pathetic, isn’t it?”

            “Not at all,” he whispered, the left side of his mouth twitching. He glanced around at the garments and accessories that were blanketing nearly all of the surfaces. Then he reached down and picked up the top she’d been wearing, turning it over in his hands. “Does Tovash often give you things you can’t get out of?”

            “Yeah,” she sighed. “It’s probably my punishment for all the times I came back missing pieces before.”

            He nodded thoughtfully and then, without saying anything, he waved his hand. She watched as the garment lifted into the air. He somehow, without touching it, buttoned it up again and then let it land softly on the bed next to her. She stared at it a moment and then back at his face. She hadn’t realized you could use the force to do something like that, so if it was possible, she was definitely going to learn how. Being able to unbutton or unhook things without help? _Amazing_. If Tovash insisted on doing this to her, then she was going to figure out how to undo it.

            “The masters believe,” he said after a moment, “that is a trivial use of the force and we’re not supposed to use it that way. But it occasionally comes in handy.”

            She looked at the top and back at him again. She was almost certain, that despite saying he couldn’t teach her how to use the force, that he was in fact instructing her. And potentially giving permission for her to use it in that manner if she needed to. But she also wondered if there was more to his statement too. There was something almost seductive about the mere suggestion that he could undress someone from across the room. She should probably be concerned by such a suggestion, but it was weirdly exciting that two force users could experience something special and romantic without even being close to each other. That their bond could be so strong, they could feel those things even when they’re apart. She had the strongest urge to explore that potential. But, maybe not right now. 

            He broke their eye contact and looked down at the floor again. “Would you like me to help you clean this up?”

            “Uh, yes please,” she murmured, trying to shake herself. “If Tovash were here, he’d throw a fit.” Grateful for the sudden distraction, she got back to her feet and started picking things off the floor and dropping them back on the bed. Once they’d gathered everything in one place, they started sorting it and neatly folding them to place back in the trunks. 

            “Is there meaning behind these things or is it just the vision of an artist?” he asked, turning an ivory painted skull of a wingmaw over in his hands. 

            She took it from him and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Shili consists of four main tribes; the grasslands tribe, the mountain tribes, the river tribes and the remote tribes. They were originally named for the main type of territories they occupied, though nowadays, they’re much more spread out or intermingled,” she explained. “Each tribe has a distinctive style and their own manner of traditions. Whichever territory you settle in, often determines which tribe’s ways you live under. As I mentioned before, the tribes are represented by governors, but they’re not religious leaders. I can only assume their purpose is to continue and uphold the traditions of the tribe they represent.

            “As the royal family, it is a matter of honor and respect that we represent all of Meht Shili. Which means our outfits hold a mixture of symbolism from every tribe. When out in public, most especially off of Shili, but also around town, we must always be supporting the four tribes in unity. It is the royal dresser’s job, in my case, Tovash, to make sure that symbolism is obvious and that each piece for each tribe is visible and honored.”

            “That sounds like a tough job,” he murmured, sitting down next to her. 

            “Please don’t feel sorry for my assistant,” she laughed. “He gets well compensated for his work even if he has to put up with me undoing it constantly.” She turned the skull over in her hand. “In many ways, we are simple people, compared to the rest of the galaxy. But pride and heritage is important. The royal family is meant to be the glue that holds us all together. By adorning ourselves in the goods and style of each tribe, we let them know that we are nothing without them. That we are all connected, all one.”

            “That sounds like an important role,” he said. She glanced at him, then she put the skull in his hands.

            “It is. And one I don’t take lightly,” she sighed. Then she got to her feet and picked up a few other things dropping them in his lap.

            “So why don’t you like it?” Her breath caught when she saw the way he was staring at her. 

            “I’ll show you,” she said finally. She picked up a piece of leather roughly the same shape as the skull, fashioning it to a strap that she proceeded to wrap crosswise from his right shoulder to his belt. Then she secured the painted skull to the shoulder piece with leather twine. “The mountain tribes are the closest thing we have to soldiers.” She picked up long oslet feathers and waved them in front of his nose. “They live and breathe the land, well known warriors with an affinity and connection to the beasts of Shili. They often adorn themselves in skulls, thick furs and feathers.” She attached them to the back of his shoulder behind the skull and came back around to study her work so far. 

            “Are the mountain tribes overly aggressive?” he asked. “Do they try to fight the other tribes?”

            “No.” She shook her head. “But they excel in the blood sports. Their focus is on physical strength, but they don’t fight with other tribes. They do tend to keep to themselves though and are rarely ever seen in Corvala for anything other than the arena events and the yearly meeting with the king or queen.”

            “That’s fascinating.”

            She smiled at him and picked up a light, but colorful shawl covered in floral patterns of marg sabls and ahmrets. “The grasslands tribes are very easy going and laid back. They prefer to focus their attention on crafts and art.” She wrapped the shawl around him loosely, tucking the knot up under the skull on his shoulder and smoothing out the wrinkles to advertise the design. “They often wear loose, flowy clothing and have a love of music and dance. Many of our traditional dances originate with them. They’re tough too though, they worship the hunt. It’s a matter of honor to them for the women to be able to provide for the villages. They have big celebrations centered around it.”

            “Wait, the women are the hunters?” He looked her over.

            She smacked him softly on the knee. “I told you I wasn’t weak, Skyguy!”

            “I never said you were, but why are the women the hunters? They’re so much smaller than the men.”

            She brought her hands up and stroked her front lekku. “We may be smaller, but we’re also faster. By design, it’s harder for predators to bite our necks.” She pulled one of her lekku forward, so he could touch it. “These things aren’t just for decoration. They’re rigid enough to break teeth. But they’re also how we hear and feel vibrations. Surely, you’ve noticed that the men’s lekku are much shorter and thinner. Though still hard like ours, they can’t withstand the same pressure of an akul’s jaw or not be punctured by a nexu’s hundreds of teeth. Our size is actually our advantage.” She pulled apart her lips and bared her teeth. He looked up in surprise and dropped her lekku. “Females are the only ones that have hunter teeth; these long pointy incisors.”

            “I hate to admit it,” he said. “But I probably won’t look at a Togruta female the same way again.”

            “You’d better not be looking at them,” she said before she could stop herself. What the kriff was she saying? They weren’t anything yet. “They could tear you to shreds.”  _And... that sounded wrong too_. She turned away and nearly smacked herself. Why did he make her act this way? 

            “Are you jealous, Snips?” he said, and her eyes widened in surprise. 

            “What did you call me?” At least he had the decency to look embarrassed. 

            “Uh...” He looked everywhere but at her. “Nothing, Princess,” he murmured, getting softer by the minute.

            “Snips,” she repeated, and he furtively glanced her way. “Of all the nicknames you could have come up with, that’s the best one you got?” She put her hands on her hips. 

            “Are you mad?” He looked sheepish. 

            “No, it’s better than being called Princess or M’lady, which I couldn’t seem to get you to stop doing.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m not ashamed at all for being snippy. In fact, I’m quite proud of that.” She laughed. “Nice of someone to actually notice and appreciate it rather than tell me to stop.”

            “I like your snippiness,” he said, sounding bolder again. “It’s refreshing.”

            “Refreshing that I go around back sassing people constantly?” she chuckled and picked up the jar of blue face paint. 

            “Yeah,” he smiled at her. “The Jedi aren’t supposed to show emotions, so they have a tendency to be rather, er...”

            “Dull?” 

            “I was going to say it nicer than that, but yes...” He looked away.

            She stepped up between his legs and he looked up at her. She pushed the weird braid off to the side and behind his ear. “You’re really selling this Jedi stuff, aren’t you?” He studied her as she dipped her fingers in the paint and streaked them around his eyes. He didn’t answer, so she continued on with their earlier conversation. “The River tribes, are best known for their paints. They dress in very vivid colors; typically blues, oranges and greens. They’re easy going and free flowing like the grasslands tribes, but their lives center mainly around the rivers; fishing and swimming. They’re not really hunters like the rest of the tribes, though they can if they need to. They’re very ritualistic, often dancing to heavy drums, and worshipping the live-giving waters of Meht Shili. They love to paint their bodies and their faces and celebrate everything. After visiting Coruscant, they’re probably best described as the partiers.” 

            She continued to move her fingers across his face, enjoying the way his body seemed to respond to her touch. Then she instructed him to close his eyes, so she could paint his eyelids and bring three streaks down on one side. Then she stepped back and studied her work. He looked surprisingly good in war paint, with feathers and skulls. Despite not being born of Shili, it suited him. She’d love to be able to pull down his hair and run her fingers through it, but for now she restrained; deciding that her train of thought at the moment was dangerous. He could easily represent all four tribes just like any other royal, but would they still see it as honorable or disrespectful to see their style and pride on a human? Or an outsider? Would they ever see him as the prince if she chose him to be her ke’leh? And was she willing to face the wrath of her parents if they did not accept him?

            She swallowed hard and went diving through the pile of jewelry for the right look. “The remote tribes,” she started, “are best known for their jewelry. They live far from the capital, hence being remote. The opposite side of the planet from Corvala is mostly mountainous, rich in ore and precious metals. They excel at jewelry and statuary. Other than that, I’m afraid I know little about them. If they’ve ever been to palace, I’ve never seen them. They rarely traverse that far. It’s at least a thirty day journey by mount to make it to the city.”

            “You can’t just fly there?” he asked in surprise.

            “Well as you’ve probably noticed, we don’t have lots of ships on Shili. Though we have the technology and the capability for space flight, we choose not to use it. It’s not normal for the people to want to leave our planet. So… it’s typically frowned upon to fly around the less populated areas. The loud engines disrupt the hunts and the rituals and scare many of the beasts further away making life harder on everyone,” she explained. 

            He opened his mouth to respond but they both turned towards the door when it opened. Artoo wheeled in beeping urgently. They both glanced at each other and then took off after him towards the cockpit. 

            “Play the message,” she told him, and he wheeled forward and connected to the ship computer, projecting the transmission he’d intercepted in front of them.

            “Senator Amidala, if you are receiving this message could you please forward it to the Jedi temple, priority alpha?” Obi wan’s cloaked form said as the transmission flickered in and out. 

            “Artoo, forward the message to the temple as he instructed, and boost the signal so we can hear the rest of it,” she said. Artoo beeped accordingly and the hologram stopped flickering so badly.

            “I followed the bounty hunter to Geonosis,” Obi wan went on. “He met with Count Dooku and other Separatist leaders, along with the trade federation and the techno union. They seem to have built a droid factory and by the looks of it, have already created thousands of droids. I believe they’re preparing for war, masters. I will continue to investigate and report back as soon as possible, I’m not in danger at the moment, but with this many people swarming around, I’m not sure how long I’ll go unnoticed. There may be enough clones already made to wipe out the factory and its production before this gets out of hand.”

            The transmission ended suddenly and they both stared at where the hologram had been. “The nightmare,” Anakin said finally. “You were right, it was a vision.”

            “How do you know?”

            “Geonosis,” he said. “It’s a sandy planet, like Tatooine. Not exactly like a desert, but still dry and miserable. Obi wan also mentioned droids…” He trailed off looking decidedly troubled. “We have to go help him.”

            “Won’t we just get in the way of his secret mission?” she asked with uncertainty. It wasn’t that she wanted to shy away from danger so much as there was a lot of things Master Kenobi had just said that didn’t make a lot of sense. Droids, weapons factories, clones… Well known supporters of the Republic aiding the Separatist alliance? It felt like they’d be going in blind. “And what about Padmé?”

            “Ahsoka,” he said slowly. “In my nightmare he was in horrible danger. If there’s any way to prevent that, I have to go. I know my mandate was to protect you, but I can’t just abandon him.”

            “Artoo, did you forward the message?” He beeped a confirmation and that they’d received it. “Call Padmé and tell her to stay put for now. We’ll meet up with her after we go check on Obi wan.”

            “I should drop you off on Naboo,” Anakin said.

            “Oh, I don’t think so, Skyguy,” she said. “If you’re going to Geonosis, so am I. You can protect me better if I’m with you.”

            “Only if that doesn’t put you in more danger.”

            “I can handle myself, just wait and see.”


	15. Geonosis

            She turned her head at the sound of a creaking metal gate as it lifted off the dusty ground on the far side of the arena. She was amazed she’d even heard it over the din of flapping wings and the punctuated voices of a language she’d never heard before. She was ashamed they’d been captured, after all they’d fought through in the factory, but sheer numbers had forced them to lay down their weapons. 

            Anakin had been right about the Geonosians; horrible bug-like creatures, with a disgusting smell. Everything she’d witnessed during their fight had hinted at perhaps a bit of a hive mind, which would explain why even the lowliest worker had the knowledge to create powerful droids or technology. But they also seemed to have just enough intelligence individually to use weapons and make decisions. Their language of clicks and slurs was somewhat grinding in her head and made her wish Threepio was here, so she at least knew what they were saying. 

            As she watched a handful of Geonosians leading three creatures out of the opening, she no longer needed a translation. An acklay; a tall, vicious reptilian creature with six legs and sharp teeth. A nexu; a large feline with a spade shaped head, sharp quills and sharper claws, with a powerful two-pronged tail and seemingly endless teeth. And a vicious reek; a creature she’d only ever heard of but never seen. It was larger than the nexu, which was saying something, since all three creatures were larger than any she’d ever come across before. It stamped the ground with wide round feet, it’s green-blue leathery skin glinted in the harsh light. Three horns jutted from its head, though even from a good distance, she could tell one of the horns was broken. 

            The Geonosians led them towards where her, Anakin and Obi Wan were chained to three posts in the middle. She should probably be afraid, but she wasn’t in the least. She may never have encountered a reek before, but she knew all about fighting acklay and nexu from their own arena on Shili. Not to mention that none of her captors had noticed that the chains they’d slapped on her wrists were too big for her. She’d purposely spread out her hands, so it looked like they’d hold her, but the moment this fight began, she’d slip right out of them. They wanted entertainment, they’d get it. At least at home, the warriors were equipped with a spear when fighting. She wasn’t too worried though, most of her people hunted without weapons anyways, the spear was mainly for outsiders or for a good show. 

 _See father? You didn’t understand my desire to fight, but now I can show you why I learned_ , she thought to herself. 

            She could feel Anakin’s annoyance from the pole he was chained to next to her. There was also a streak of embarrassment he’d been wearing from the moment they’d passed Obi Wan who had already been captured before they’d gotten here. Why was he embarrassed for being captured, if his master had already been so? Though she’d also felt the other Jedi’s disappointment when they’d found him. And if they weren’t currently about to be eaten alive, she’d probably give him a piece of her mind over it. Sure, it didn’t look like their rescue was going very well, but Obi Wan hadn’t seen the way they’d fought an endless horde of bugs while dodging dangerous machinery and somehow managing to not get squashed or melted down themselves. And despite being captured, they’d managed to put a considerable damper on the factory’s production as well. Also, Artoo had forwarded the message to the Jedi temple. There was a good possibility, she hoped anyways, that they’d be getting reinforcements soon. So... she was hardly worried about their predicament. In fact, she was strangely excited about the opportunity to prove that everything she’d been practicing for years hadn’t been wasted.

            She studied the way the creatures moved as they snapped at their handlers and were prodded with electric spears. It was clear the poor things had been starved. Despite beasts being used in the Shili arena, they were never treated badly or left hungry. Yes hungry ones made for a better show to some people, but it was a matter of pride to fight a beast at its peak strength rather than a desperate and delirious one. 

            She glanced up into the endless swarm of golden colored bodies of... parasites, as far as she was concerned. In the center of the crowd was a jutting balcony with the only spot of color to be seen besides them and the beasts. She narrowed her eyes at them. Here were the people somehow in charge of all of this mayhem. Even from this distance she recognized Count Dooku, from the hundreds of holonet speeches he’d made decrying the Republic and encouraging other planets and systems to join him. Until now, she’d hardly cared all that much that planets wanted to secede from the Republic. Even as a senator herself, and all the meetings she’d been to and endless lectures from Padmé about why it was such a bad thing. The main issue seemed to be less about care for the planets or their people, but rather the loss of resources to the Republic. But ever since the vote for their own military, the tensions had clearly heightened to war. This was some of why she’d been hesitant to vote against the bill herself. She’d believed it was foolish to assume the Separatists weren’t working on their own army, so then the Republic refusing to defend themselves was a death sentence. Though now that she seemed to stand at the epicenter of their plans, she’d been right about her feelings about all of it being so much bigger. 

            It wasn’t just the thousands of battle droids, or the leaders and supporters of this war that bothered her. She felt something else here, something darker. Maybe that’s what war felt like, but for some reason... it still seemed bigger than that. And she felt it especially strongly as she stared unblinkingly at Count Dooku. 

            She heard the nexu growl from in front of her and she was forced to tear her eyes away from the Count. The beasts had been herded over to them. She had the nexu, no problem. The reek had been positioned in front of Anakin and the acklay for Obi Wan. She stared at the bedraggled beast, feeling sorry for its treatment, and hoped she could put it down quickly and out of its misery. Up close she could see many lesions of untreated wounds. Patches of fur were missing from its normally sheen coat. Scratches and burn marks speckled its body. Its eyes were dull and glassy, which meant it was also half blind probably from starvation. Considering that they were about to be their next meal, or so the Geonosians thought, she shouldn’t feel sorry for them. But she did. 

            She closed her eyes sinking into the force, as Anakin had called it. She felt its pain as it padded around preparing for the fight. The twitch of its tail and the way it disturbed the air. Its breathing labored, the growling that seemed to start in its stomach. 

            She slipped from her chains and rolled to the side as it charged at her. It knocked itself into the pole and stumbled somewhat dazed for a moment as she started moving slowly away from the others to not endanger them too and to give her room to fight. It turned its four eyes back on her and parted its mouth, baring its rows of pointy teeth. A long, forked tongue rolled out as though it was licking its lips. 

            She made a few sounds, coaxing it to follow her, not that she needed to; the beasts attention was only on her. As far as it was concerned, she was the food it had previously been denied. She hoped Anakin and Obi Wan were doing alright with their beasts, though likely they hadn’t escaped their chains as easily. But right now, she had to focus on her own before she could rescue them. 

            She crouched low to the ground as the nexu prowled around her. She could feel its agitation and impatience and she flipped out of the way when it charged again. She trilled at it, encouraging it to turn to her again since it had gotten momentarily distracted by an unsuspecting guard. It turned back towards her and she ducked, rolling under its belly and kicking up at it as she dodged its wicked claws. It yelped as it was thrown a few yards away. She was racing at it before it had recovered and leapt onto its back. She tightened her legs around its middle, locking them in place as she tried to dodge the longer quills while it bucked around beneath her. 

            “Shhh...” she spoke to it, attempting to soothe it. It jumped about to dislodge her and ran around in circles, unwilling to give up on eating just yet. She stroked its fur trying to calm it down. Despite often fighting beasts to the death, she really didn’t want to kill this creature, it had suffered enough already. With the shape it was in though, it was probably the humane thing to do; not to mention what did she really expect if she didn’t? That it would follow her home like a purring kitten and she could nurse it back to health? She almost laughed out loud. It was outlandish, but she was half tempted to. What would her parents say then? Then again, they’d probably think she’d completely lost it. Not to mention her having to explain where she found it since nexu aren’t found on Naboo or other planets in that sector. And explaining where she found it, meant admitting she’d been in danger and that she’d lied to her father about where she’d be. She really hated that every decision came back to whether or not he’d approve. He might not think so, but she had far too much respect for him to outright disobey him. Her mother on the other hand... well, what would she do? Slap her on the wrist and forget about it. She rolled her eyes. 

            It amazed her that she’d managed to stay on after a few minutes of it trying to throw her but eventually she connected with it. It was just a frantic kind of buzzing at first, and then it slowly faded to a heartbeat. It was like a merging of consciousness; she could feel its hunger, its fear. Time seemed to slow down around them as they communicated through this connection. It was obviously intelligent, more so than the other two beasts, but was running purely on survival instincts right now.  _Help me,_  she whispered through the force.  _Help me, and I’ll help you. I promise._  She leaned down closer to its head, rubbing it gently. 

            The nexu slowed its movements, padding to a stop and bowed slightly, awaiting orders. She relaxed into the connection and finally looked around at the rest of the chaos. At the moment, Obi Wan and Anakin were still chained to the posts, frantically trying to dodge their beasts’ attacks. She sat a few yards away on her own beast with several mounted guards trying to sneak up behind her, presumably to scare the nexu into throwing her off to continue the sport of it. Not that they were sneaking well because she could hear them coming both with her own senses and that of the nexu she was now connected to. 

            She signaled it to turn on the guards by squeezing it gently and casting a few trilling sounds in that direction. After it knocked them down and chased away their mounts, she picked up their spears and turned back towards the center. 

            She kicked it slightly to pick up speed, holding on now only with her knees locked into place. She flipped one spear, turning it off so she didn’t electrocute him and lobbed it at the chains still holding Anakin in place. He rolled out of the way of his reek’s charge, just in time. Then she directed the nexu to circle the acklay and it distracted it by snapping at its legs. She growled and taunted it with their movements and slowly pulled it away from Obi Wan. 

            They feigned one way and when the acklay took the bait, her nexu caught one of its other legs in its teeth. It let out a high-pitched whine and the nexu shook its head in response. Which, still linked to the leg, caused the whole beast to stumble and lose its footing. After a few moments of dodging and jerking, the nexu’s sharp teeth managed to sever the leg. Angrier now, it hobbled after them as they raced away, drawing it into the group of amassing guards. Wild and out of control, it crashed through them, skewering several with its pointy feet and snapping at the ones that hit it with the electric spears. Now that it was distracted, she turned her focus back on the reek. 

            Anakin had managed to get Obi Wan free of the pole, but both of them were having to dodge its charging attacks, while still in chains themselves. She urged the nexu to pick up speed and it raced at the reek, leaping onto its back and digging into the soft flesh near its neck. She released her hold on the nexu and flipped off it as it and the reek wrestled around on the ground. She slammed the remaining spear she was holding down between Anakin’s hands, breaking the cuffs. Then she handed it to him and raced back to coax the nexu away from the reek. 

            The reek was bleeding badly but thrashing around violently and after a few moments it threw the nexu off it into the pole. The nexu whimpered and she stepped between it and the reek. Anakin shouted at her to get out of the way as it started pawing at the ground and snorting preparing to charge. She stood her ground, staring it down, narrowing her eyes and growling in a threatening manner. It started charging but was suddenly knocked off its course by the acklay that was running from more mounted guards. 

            She turned to see how bad of shape the nexu was in, hoping it hadn’t sacrificed itself to save her. Anakin and Obi Wan had stopped moving and were looking past her. She didn’t need to look, because she recognized that sound. She dropped to her knees next to her beast as it nursed one of its front paws. She petted it and trilled softly at it. So deeply connected to it, she felt everything it did as much as what she could already feel, and there was no doubt it could feel her too. It seemed agitated by the noise as thousands of metal droids marched into the arena. It was cacophonous at best, and the nexu kept shaking its head and pawing the ground with its good leg. 

            “Impressive show,” Dooku’s voice suddenly boomed around the space. “But I’m afraid it ends now.” The deafening sound of blasters being caulked crashed over her and she stood up slowly, looking around at the sea of beige. It was like Naboo all over again, except this time, this time she didn’t have an army fighting by her side. Just two tired Jedi without their laser swords and a wounded nexu. She caught sight of the reek and acklay that had been killed some distance away and she willed hers to stay put so it didn’t meet the same fate. It let out a deep guttural growl and both Anakin and Obi Wan subconsciously stepped away from it. Despite the danger, she almost laughed at the furtive way they were watching it as though they expected at any moment it would attack them. It wouldn’t, she knew that. At least not unless they attacked her. It staggered to its feet and limped over to stand by her side. She patted it softly on the head, wishing the two of them could destroy all these droids. 

            Dooku raised his hand like he was about to give the signal for their execution, but a purple lightsaber ignited near his throat. She blinked in surprise as lightsabers burst to life all throughout the arena. 

            “The Jedi are here!” Anakin exclaimed, and she smiled in relief. The fight was hardly over though. Chaos erupted around them as several ships full of soldiers in white armor flew in and started thinning out the droids. 

            She pushed the nexu back away from the action and told it to run and hide. Then she picked up a blaster from a fallen droid and started clearing them a path out of the arena. Someone had tossed Anakin and Obi Wan lightsabers, and eventually the three of them were in the midst of an even bigger battle, taking out everything they could.

            She felt guilty leaving her nexu behind but pleaded it not to attack and just to get out of there. It was a weapon in itself, but she had more respect for it than to use it that way. If it survived the battle, surely there’d be plenty of remains to feast on afterwards and therefore she’d honored her end of the deal. 

            Somehow the three of them ended up backed into each other as they got separated from the Jedi on the ground and were surrounded by droids. Anakin squeezed her free hand at one point and she felt his need both to comfort her and for her to comfort him. Through the ordeal, he’d lost the oslet feathers, the shawl and the jewelry, and the skull was dangling half off the leather shoulder strap. The war paint had started trickling down his face in long blue lines, exaggerating the shadows on his face and the sweat as his hair plastered to his forehead. 

            In their brief contact, she felt something else from him, something unexpected. It was almost as though he’d tried to communicate in the touch what he’d as of yet hadn’t been willing to say aloud; he wanted her. He wanted them to be together. And though now was hardly the time to be considering a future together, nor were either of them in calm enough places to make a decision of such magnitude with potentially devastating consequences... she returned the touch. She didn’t know if they had forever, or even a little while, but she  _did_  want it too. From the moment they’d been reunited, it felt like he was part of her. Maybe he’d been part of her since the very first time she’d met him all those years before. She didn’t know. But with him she felt something she’d never felt before... hope, not dread, for the future. Whatever happened, whatever they called themselves, however deep it went or however long it lasted, or however taboo it might be... he was a major part of it, and she could no longer look ahead without wanting his presence. 

            In all directions, it felt as though the sea of beige was about to drown them, so perhaps her decision was pointless at the moment. But then the three of them leapt out of the way as a missile flew past their heads and exploded in front of where they’d been standing. The beige wave was forced into submission by a massive round of blaster fire until it was nothing but a pile of scrap like debris on the sea shore. 

            Anakin grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet, half dragging her towards the open door of the ship that hovered nearby. He pushed her towards a man that from head to toe wore white armor and held a hand outstretched to her. She took it gratefully and was guided aboard the ship as it lifted off the ground. She grabbed the bar overhead, watching the fight that continued on below and then she turned towards the man that was standing on her left side. 

            “Thank you, soldier,” she said breathlessly, thankful to be out of the fighting for awhile. Despite the heat on this dry, sandy planet, the air felt good on her face. 

            “You’re welcome, your highness.” He tipped his helmeted head politely. She studied him. In the few years she’d been senator, she’d never met a soldier like this. His armor was of an unfamiliar design. Was he part of the new army the Republic had voted for? How had they been mobilized and outfitted so quickly? She ignored Anakin and Obi Wan whispering behind her and kept her attention on the trooper. 

            “What’s your name?” she asked him curiously.

            “My designation is CT-2462,” he replied. 

            “A number?” she asked in surprise. “Is that some kind of rank?”

            “No, your highness,” he said coolly. “It’s my operating number.” She stared at him for a moment in bewilderment before she remembered something Obi Wan had said in the transmission they’d intercepted.  _Clone troopers. CT. Operating numbers._  These were people but not born, _made..._  

            She set her hand on his shoulder. “Remove your helmet, please.” He nodded slowly and then did as she requested. It took all her will not to gasp out loud as the face of the bounty hunter that had tried to kill her in the Shili marketplace was revealed in front of her. Jango Fett was the bounty hunter Obi Wan had chased here. Jango Fett was working with or for Count Dooku. So why were his clones on the Republic’s side? 

            The ship hit some turbulence and he caught her as her hand nearly slid off the bar. “Is something wrong, your highness?” His brows knitted in concern and she shook her head quickly. Despite being a physical copy of the bounty hunter that had made an attempt on her life, she didn’t feel the same evil or ill intention from this trooper. She wasn’t sure what to think about all of this, and her head was spinning too much to do it right now. She felt this man’s kindness. She felt like she could trust him with her life. Which confused her considering the circumstances. 

            “What’s your name, soldier?” she asked again.

            “Uh,” he hesitated a moment. “I don’t have one, only a number.”

            She felt a rush of both pity and anger. How could the Republic think creating people was the answer to the war? They were not disposable like the battle droids. Even if they _are_ built to fight, they’re still living, breathing beings that deserved respect. She was going to have to talk to Padmé about this. It bothered her far too much to just let it drop. “You are so much more than a number,” she whispered finally. “So, what would you name yourself?”

            “Well, your highness...” He looked away somewhat embarrassed. “I’ve always liked the sound of Kory, I guess.” She smiled at him.

            “Thank you for the rescue, Kory.” She patted him on the shoulder. “If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

            “Thank you...” He didn’t get a chance to finish as the pilot announced they were coming up on Dooku’s last known location. Kory put his helmet back on and grabbed his weapon, leaning out to focus again on the battle at hand.

            Their ship seemed to be the only one that had followed Dooku as he’d escaped from the arena. It was her, Anakin, Obi Wan, Kory and the pilot. 

            “Stay with the ship and block his escape,” Obi Wan gave the order. “Anakin and I will take on Dooku.”

            “Yes, sir,” Kory saluted them. She glanced at their backs and shook her head.

            “Like hell you’re leaving me behind again,” she muttered under her breath. She leapt off the ship and Kory called her back. “I’ll be fine, stay here!”

            She ran through a maze of cave tunnels that led through a mountain base. She didn’t meet any resistance, but she wasn’t quite sure where the Jedi had gone. It would seem Dooku must have used a tactic to distract the other ships so that he could slip away quietly. Perhaps if they stopped him here, this war could end before it started. And yeah, Anakin and Obi Wan would probably lecture her for following them into danger, but despite not being trained like them, she knew she could help. She also knew, she’d done the rescuing down in the arena, and mythical Jedi or not, even they needed help sometimes. 

            She heard voices down the corridor to her left and she raced out of the tunnel in time to see Obi Wan on the ground with an obvious injury to his leg, but possibly more and Anakin currently fighting Dooku. She stared at them in disbelief for a moment as the elderly leader of the Separatists, danced around as though he was in his prime and wielded a lightsaber himself; blood red... like that zabrak that had chased them on Tatooine and later killed Qui Gon. 

            “Look out!” she yelled, attempting to push Anakin. But it was only after he fell to the ground, rolling away and Dooku slashed right through where he’d been standing, that she realized... she hadn’t been anywhere near enough to actually push him. She looked at her hands for a moment, wondering if she’d actually been the one to do that or not. Was that part of using the force? Like she’d done to Tovash in the market? Or like how she’d moved that boulder and those pebbles without physically touching them?

            Obi Wan seemed only semi-conscious off to the side and seemed to give no reaction to her presence. Anakin was sitting up on his elbows staring at her with wide eyes as though he’d forgotten Dooku was even there. The count on the other hand had turned towards her, flashing his red lightsaber in front of him. 

            “Princess, is it? Or Senator?” Dooku growled, stepping towards her. She had a hunch the blaster rifle she carried would be useless against his lightsaber so she threw it aside and straightened, glaring at him. 

            “The leader of the Separatists,” she said calmly. “There need not be a war today.” She tried to move slowly towards Anakin’s position. “Lay down your weapon and surrender peacefully.”

            “I’m afraid what the Republic has done here has eliminated all possibility of a peaceful resolution. This heinous act cannot go unpunished.” She narrowed her eyes at him. It was obvious the Separatists had been preparing for war, but somehow, they’d coaxed the Republic into striking first. He was right, this wouldn’t end today. Not until there was some kind of peace treaty agreed upon by both sides. And even then, fear would drive them deeper and deeper into conflict. She’d been right all along... bad things were coming, and she was right in the start of it.      The feelings, the vision... it had all led to war. And the darkness she’d felt here, staring up at Count Dooku… He must be one of these Sith. Which meant, that creature from Tatooine wasn’t the only one, nor was it or Dooku likely the last one. Whatever they were, they were powerful if they could kill those believed to be unkillable. 

            “Princess!” She twirled away from Dooku and caught the lightsaber Anakin had tossed to her. She ignited it, Feeling the buzz of electricity race through her at the raw power and energy that swirled in response. Weapons weren’t common to her people, since they fought mainly with their claws, teeth and horns. But she had learned many styles of combat through her training sessions with Artoo. She’d never fought with lightsabers, but she knew what they could do, and for now, all they could do was delay Dooku until reinforcements came. 

            Anakin had gotten to his feet and was now standing by her side, holding his own lightsaber in his hand. She could tell by his positioning that he was trying to keep her behind him. Despite all he’d seen her do today, he still felt it necessary to protect her. And considering what she’d witnessed when she’d arrived in the room, maybe she should be more grateful for that. Her delusions didn’t cast so far that she was strong enough to beat Dooku alone. Nor did she believe, chosen one or not, that Anakin was ready to either. But she was sure, of one very important thing... and that was that as long as they fought together, they’d survive this, no matter the outcome. 

            She shifted so she could rub her elbow against his arm, hoping he understood the message. He hesitated a moment but then nodded and together they charged at the Count. Her form was unconventional and obviously untrained. She lacked the power to follow through with her slashes and had to resort to the acrobatics she employed while fighting beasts. At least it was unpredictable enough for Dooku to not always be able to block both her and Anakin, but she knew better than to assume they’d gained the upper hand. He was much more disciplined than either of them combined and easily adapted to their style. 

            After a few minutes of intense fighting, he managed to throw them back away from him. So apparently that _was_ a method of using the force. She’d forgotten all about that, focused only on the weapon in her hand and trying not to die. She thought about the way Anakin had moved the boulder and her eyes snapped to one in the wall of the cavern. 

            Dooku had turned away from them, believing he had a window to escape and headed towards a teardrop shaped ship sitting on a jutting edge not far away. She threw her attention on moving the boulder attempting to dislodge it. But the cave wall trembled dangerously, and her eyes widened in panic. It hadn’t even occurred to her that one boulder could be holding the whole thing up. 

            “Ahsoka!” Anakin grabbed her and jerked her to the ground covering her with his own body as rocks started collapsing around them. They clung to each other, waiting in fear, but nothing happened. The dust cleared and Dooku and the ship were gone. A small Jedi; green, wrinkly and holding a cane was standing near the tunnel she’d entered earlier. His arms were up, and she risked a glance above her to see the rocks hovering in midair as though they could float. She stared at them mesmerized as he seemed to with sheer will, throw the heavy debris to the side. She felt a rush of shame from Anakin and she looked back at the Jedi that had entered the room.

            “Young Skywalker,” the creature said. “Home to Shili, you will take her.”

            “But…”

            “Obey me, you will.”

            “Yes, master Yoda.” He bowed his head as though all confidence he’d possessed had drained in the presence of this Yoda.

            “Count Dooku is a Sith,” she said as Anakin helped her to her feet.

            “Know this, we do,” the creature replied. “Tell no one, you will.” She opened her mouth to argue, but Anakin pushed her, probably harder than he meant to, towards the entrance to the tunnel.

            “Will Master Kenobi be okay?” she threw over her shoulder, digging in her heels in annoyance at Anakin’s persistent need to push her out of the room. He may not want to talk to this Jedi, but she did.

            “Heal, he will. Go now, you must.” This time she didn’t get to say anything else, because Anakin had grabbed her arm rather tightly and pulled her hurriedly away.

            “Stop it,” she demanded, wrenching from his grip. “What’s the rush?”

            “When master Yoda gives an order, it’s expected to be obeyed without question,” he replied in annoyance, but looked everywhere than at her.

            “Why is he so special?” She regretted the words as soon as she saw the warning look.

            “He’s the grand master,” Anakin glanced around quickly and then hissed at her. “The leader of the Jedi.”

            “So?” she huffed, putting her hands on her hips. “He’s still a person… I think… and I have a right to ask questions. I’m not a Jedi.”

            He looked over his shoulder again and then turned back to her, there was pain in his eyes. Not fear exactly, but something… resentment maybe? No… She couldn’t put her finger on it. “Ahsoka, please,” he begged. “Let’s just get out of here. If master Yoda says I’m supposed to take you home, then I need to take you home. I’m in enough trouble as it is.”

            “Why would you be in trouble?” she asked, but this time she did walk with him.

            “I wasn’t supposed to be here. I put you in danger by letting you come,” he whispered. “When Master Kenobi wakes up, he’ll report that to the council and who knows what punishment will await me when I return. I won’t compound my failure further by disobeying Master Yoda’s orders.”

            “But…”

            “Good to see you both made it back alive.” She looked up to see Kory standing at attention by the ship they’d come in. “We have orders to return you to your ship, your highness.” He put out a hand to help her step up into it.

            “Stay safe out there, soldier,” she said to him, putting her hand on his shoulder again and feeling him in the force once they’d landed back by her ship. It was still really strange to look at the face of a man that had tried to kill her and know this one meant her no harm. She was exhausted both from their adventure here, but also from all the questions that rattled around in her brain. She was almost certain she could collapse on her bed and sleep for days.

            Artoo wheeled out of the ship and beeped frantically in concern as she watched the gunship, he’d called it, take off again and disappear past the far ridge.

            “I’m okay, buddy.” She patted him absentmindedly and walked tiredly past him up the ramp, collapsing into the copilot seat. “Start her up,” she ordered him. “Let’s go home.”

            He beeped obediently and while he went to work getting the ship in the air, Anakin slumped down into the pilot seat next to her. The ship lifted off, flying low through the canyons and before they got too far, she sat up straight as pain coursed through her.

            “Stop the ship,” she ordered and Artoo beeped in confusion.

            “What is it?” Anakin asked, looking around in concern.

            “I forgot something,” she said vaguely. “Fly that way, she pointed towards an eastern ridge that opened into an expanse of desert with nothing as far as they could see.”

            “There’s a storm coming,” Anakin said with a warning. “We shouldn’t go that way. Too dangerous.”

            “I have to.”

            “What could you possibly have forgotten?” he asked in confusion.

            “You’ll see.” She leapt to her feet. “There, up ahead, fly near that formation and hover.” She ran towards the back of the ship, punching the button to lower the ramp from the hold. As the ship got closer to the ground, she looked out in the swirling sand and let out the loudest whistle she possibly could. She waited expectantly for a few minutes and then out of seemingly nowhere, the nexu leapt past her onto the ship. She pushed the button to close the door again and turned to greet the giant feline creature that had sat obediently like a trained kitten waiting for orders. It parted its mouth, looking over her with its rows of shiny dangerous teeth, its tongue half hanging out in an almost happy pant.

            “What the…?” Anakin said from the doorway and the nexu looked up at him and growled. He took a few steps back.

            “It’s okay, Smiley,” she said, coming up next to it and scratching it on the head. “He’s a friend.”

            “You can’t be serious,” Anakin muttered, looking down at them. She could imagine how crazy this must look. A wild and one of the most notoriously dangerous beasts, filling up the cargo hold as though it was happy and content. Her, three times smaller than it, at least, standing next to it like a proud mama. Was it worth trying to explain this or should she just let him sweat it out?

            “He saved me,” she said finally, moving forward to a handful of crates stacked off to the side. “I made him a promise. If he helped me, I’d help him.” She dug through the crate and pulled out a large flank of mawvorr and tossed it over her shoulder at the nexu. He ripped into it right away and then purred happily as he consumed the long-awaited meal.

            “It’s a wild beast, it tried to kill you!”

            “Anakin,” she said softly, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “He was only hungry. The geonosians starved him and tortured him. I couldn’t leave him behind.”

            “But…”

            “My people may worship the hunt,” she interrupted. “And the blood sports. But we respect Meht Shili for all of her gifts. We respect nature and everything that lives within it. Every life is sacred, even those of our most dangerous predators. We live in harmony because we do not kill in excess. We kill only to survive. The balance between life and death is a slippery slope and we walk along its ridge. This nexu… he honored that harmony, and so must I.”

            He looked like he was about to say something, but she turned back to Smiley and stroked his fur softly. “I may not understand your ways…” he said finally. “But I admit, you never cease to amaze me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my friend, mac_warspeaker who helped me name the trooper :)


	16. Will of the Force

            “Ahsoka.” Her father appeared at her door mere minutes after they’d slipped in. She’d stood almost at attention, grateful in that moment that at least they both had time to erase Geonosis from their bodies before entering the palace. As it was, she still had no idea how she’d snuck the nexu through the grounds, down the back staircase and across the river to the stables without being noticed. Unless of course, that was why he was here. She knew someone would report it to the king eventually, she just hadn’t expected it to happen so fast. 

            She was tired of lying to her father about her life. Tired of trying to cover everything up. She couldn’t deny who she was anymore, and each day it was represented in some new expression that only served more questions than answers. She didn’t want to be what they wanted. If she thought she could escape without destroying her father’s heart and expectations, she very well might just run away. 

            “Follow.” The command was simple, but still a command. And it usually meant she was in trouble. She gave a furtive glance towards Anakin who had frozen in place the moment her father had appeared. He gave her a concerned look, but otherwise said nothing and she dropped her head and followed her father out of the room. What could he do about it anyways? He was a guest, to the rest of them, nothing more. 

            He sat down on his throne in the large empty room. She was left standing at the base of the raised dais. He liked to do this especially when she really messed up. She could only assume it was a source of power for him, a way he felt in control of an out of control situation. And she most definitely qualified as an out of control situation to him. She took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way her insides twisted in knots and gave a proper bow to him. As was customary to the ruler when they’re on the throne; father or not. 

            “Explain,” he said simply, but the one word held a wealth of information to her. It meant he knew where she’d been and very possibly what she’d been up to, and was practically daring her to lie to him. She wouldn’t, not this time. It didn’t really matter what she told him anyways. 

            “Yes father,” she said quickly and dropped to her knees feeling like a child again. She avoided his eyes as she told him about the distress call, the rescue mission, the arena and of course, the battle that ensued. When she finally finished, she stared at her hands waiting for him to speak. She knew she was in trouble, but how much she had no idea. Everything that had happened with Geonosis was the exact opposite of all his rules over the years. She didn’t dare risk a glance at his face, so she reached out her other senses instead.

            “So, you know the truth now.” It wasn’t a question and the rush of confusion made her look up before she could think better if it.

            “What truth?” she whispered, searching through everything she’d just told him trying to figure out what truth he meant. There were a lot of truths, but a lot more questions and uncertainty. 

            “That I didn’t let them take you,” he said so quietly she had to strain to hear. Then he stood up and came down the steps. “I should be angry with you, de’he’ren. I should scream and shout. I should lecture you on all the lessons I’ve tried to teach you since you were a babe. But I know they will fall empty, rattling around in your skull but ignored, nonetheless.”

            “But father...” He raised his hand and she dropped her chin to her chest and fell silent. 

            “I have allowed you every exception I could afford because you are...  _special_. I have sought nothing but to protect you. I have tried my best to prepare you for your destiny, and yet still, at every turn, I am undermined. Not by the greed of others but by the wistfulness of the very person I’m attempting to protect.” He reached down and pulled her swiftly to her feet. “Go, sit.” He pointed to the throne.

            She hesitated a moment, unsure of his motives and his intentions. But then finally she swallowed hard and climbed the steps feeling somewhat numb. There were only a handful of them, but with each one it became harder to breathe. It felt as though with each footstep came a weight. When she finally reached the top, she felt dizzy as she stared at the throne. 

            It was just a chair, why did she dread it so much? Not even as a child could she ever remember going near enough to it to sit or play. It was as though it repelled her very life essence. Yet another thing she would never be able to articulate to her father. She wouldn’t go so far as to say it wasn’t meant for her, but one might suspect it was a deeper emotional response or fear. 

            She closed her eyes, spun around and tried to catch herself when she almost lost her balance. Then she sat, and it felt much like she imagined it might if someone suddenly found themselves paralyzed. Her heart started racing in her chest as she fought the suffocating feeling and tried to get a handle on herself. Then she caught sight of her father. 

            He was watching her with a mixture of concern and pity. And then to her utter surprise, he made a quick, yet deep, bow to her. 

            “My queen,” he said reverently. She couldn’t handle it and with a sudden burst of energy, she leapt to her feet and raced out to the balcony, catching herself on the railing and gasping for air. Before long she’d sunk to the floor and was sobbing as she huddled against the railing. 

            She felt her father join her, but she couldn’t ebb the tears that poured out from somewhere deep inside her. This was awful. She knew that throne would be hers, but she was far more terrified of it than a war, a starving nexu, bumbling bounty hunters or a battalion of battle droids. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in her knees, waiting for his words; for the stinging pain and expectation they carried. The way it felt as though he was trying to shove her into a chest she could not possibly fit into unless someone were to break her into pieces and pile her like clothes. But instead, he sat down next to her and let out a deep sigh. 

            “My de’he’ren, my de’he’ren,” he breathed softly. Somehow there was comfort in them. De’he’ren, was most closely translated to ‘dearest’ in basic. Sometimes she hated being called it, because he often addressed her with something so nice while simultaneously disrespecting her dreams and desires. But other times, when he said it as he had just now, it was soothing. She could feel the love float forth as though he’d christened it and sent it on its way.

            “I’m sorry, father,” she gulped finally. “I don’t mean to vex you.”

            “I know, child, I know.” She managed to clear her eyes enough to see that he was sitting back against the railing, with one knee up and one arm resting on it as he stared thoughtfully through the doors towards the throne. “It would seem the more I attempt to prepare you for your future, the more you withdraw from it.”

            “I don’t fear being queen, father,” she whispered finally. “I fear letting everyone down. I can’t be what you want me to be. It’s not who I am. I try, I really do. But my heart leads me away, the force shows me things, the wind calls to me. Out there...” she gestured up towards the stars that could have easily been splattered there by a painter. “I’m alive. I am...  _me_.”

            He shifted slightly and patted her on the knee with his left hand. “Det tunguma d’ det och’sa, the daughter of the stars. That’s what the people call you. The wanderer. Sometimes though my child, we must bend our call. Your people need you. You can no less deny what is inside you than you can the future laid before you. Someway, somehow, you must find a way to be both.” He reached an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “For hundreds of generations, our family has stood at the center of our great culture. Our surname a legacy of peace and abundance. But that time is ending. A darkness is upon us, one that ripples through the galaxy unfettered and undeterred. And it has chosen you, young one, it has chosen you to carry us through it.”

            “But how can I? I am nothing like what the future queen  _should_  be!” she asked. 

            “Perhaps not,” he chuckled. “But you are exactly what the future queen  _needs_  to be.” He kissed her gently on the forehead. “I don’t approve of your desire to fight. I don’t approve of you galivanting around the galaxy engaging in countless dangerous situations. I don’t approve of your friendship with the Jedi you brought home, but...” she held her breath. “But somehow, someway, all of these things are turning you into the only person strong enough to save us all. The only thing I ask, my de’he’ren, is that you share your time with the stars with Meht Shili too. Can you do that?”

            “I will try, father,” she promised. “Why didn’t you let the Jedi take me?” She felt a rush of boldness. “I know I’m the only heir, but I can’t help but feel like there’s a deeper reason.”

            “When the Jedi came to meet you, I stood aside the elder and watched while they tested your abilities. Great strength and power they foresaw in you, with training, you would become a master in no time at all. An honor rarely bestowed on our people. A humbling one,” her father said. “Homah Zy stepped forward and set her hand upon your head. The words she spoke rattled me to my core. A vision she’d had, of destruction. If you were taken from Shili, all of us would die.”

            “But...”

            “The wandering queen will carry us through darkness,” he echoed the elder’s words. “If taken as a child it would doom us all. But someday, I hope not very soon, you will leave us. And when you return, we will truly be free.” He sighed and clasped his hands together. “I feared for you. To hear such words of your babe, it changes everything. To know that someday you will leave when your future is supposed to be here... the Jedi wanted your power for whatever it is they do in that temple of theirs. But we, your people, we needed you more. We still need you, now more than ever. You may not love your destiny, child, but without you, we will be nothing. When you come of age, you will take that throne and you will rule us as only you can. I will impart all the wisdom I possibly can, but you must guide with your heart.”

            She sat down on the edge of her bed. Part of her wanted to throw something and part of her wanted to celebrate. In some ways, it felt like everything was spiraling out of control. Her trip to Geonosis had opened her up to the possibilities of the force but... well... so much was happening now. A war had started, but she had to stay home. She was no longer allowed to be senator of Shili. As her father had said, it was time to look inward. Duty to her people came before duty to the Republic. With less than two years left before becoming queen, he was adamant this time that she follow the rules. But at the same time, he’d told her she had to be herself and that even though she wasn’t the kind of queen she should be, she was still what her people would need. 

            So, he was both telling her to stay put, while telling her not to ignore what made her,  _her_... and what made her feel the most like herself was being out there part of the action, part of something bigger... she didn’t think she could get more confused about the situation. Yes, her father said she needed to balance the two parts, and he was right of course, but how do you balance two things that seem to be complete opposites of each other?

            She dropped back onto her bed and sighed, staring up at the constellations painted on her ceiling. Someone should paint her heart up there too, because that was where it lived. It wasn’t even equal parts, like she could cut herself cleanly down the middle from the dip in her montrals to the floor. Each part equal with brains, soul and heart. No... her heart lived out there. Her brain here with her people. Maybe only her soul was in both places.

            She felt the bed move next to her and glanced over in time to see Anakin lay back on it next to her. She smiled at his presence but felt a pang course through her and looked away, blinking away the tears. Staying here meant she wouldn’t get to see him either. How could someone so clearly meant to be part of her future, be pulled away from her? If she wasn’t already cursing her responsibility, she most certainly was now. She’d been wrong moments earlier, it wasn’t the stars that held her heart, it was someone that lived among them. It was him.  _This was really bad..._

            If her father didn’t approve of their friendship simply because he was a Jedi, he would most definitely not approve of her choosing him to be her mate. Despite her father’s words about being the queen she needs to be, she was still certain his tolerance would only extend so far. Breaking tradition by being willful was way different than completely ignoring traditions for selfish reasons. But she was getting ahead of herself anyways. Neither of them had spoken about what they’d shared on Geonosis, just like neither of them had talked about that kiss from before. Maybe it was just as well. If it was never uttered aloud, maybe it would hurt less when the potential never saw the light of day either.

            His fingers brushed the skin of her hand and despite knowing she shouldn’t, she opened it for him to take. She swallowed hard knowing that she should be resisting this but not wanting to at the same time. She didn’t even have to look at them intertwined to know that hers fit perfectly in his. That everything about it was completely right and completely wrong at the same time. Well... it was right for her but wrong for her people.  _Or so they believed..._

            That’s what her father didn’t understand. She couldn’t balance the two because one side was who they needed and the other was what  _she_  needed. And for whatever reason, no matter what the subject, they never seemed to be the same. She wanted to be a good queen for her people, but everything that  _she_ needed for her own health, sanity, and soul-calling... didn’t seem to coincide with any of the things she needed in order to  _be_  a good queen. 

            She squeezed her eyes shut, half wanting to cry but they still stung from earlier. If the universe or the force was guiding her path, was calling her... why was it calling her towards the things she needed to do or be to be the future queen? To protect the legacy of her people and her family name, it was her duty to marry another Togruta. As far as she knew, the royal family was the only one that rule applied to.  _Lucky her_... And he, was a Jedi. Someone who’s path in life dictated what he was allowed to do or not. They were already pushing it being friends since no relationships were allowed. To take it further? Impossible. 

            It was time for her brain to catch up. It was time for her duty to set her straight. It was time... to stop this. Before it went any further than it already had. She pulled her hand away, rubbed her eyes and was about to sit up. But she froze when he rolled and was suddenly leaning down over her. His padawan braid brushed the side of her face and she shivered slightly at the feel of his hair on her skin. It was both soft and somewhat coarse. A weird feeling, and unexpected. And then her breath caught when she saw his eyes. 

            She stared at him a moment, trying to comprehend what she was seeing in them, feeling heat rise and a tingly sensation raced through her. His flitted to her lips and she parted them in expectation. Warning bells were going off in her brain, but she couldn’t stop it. How do you stop something your entire essence seemed to crave?

            “We shouldn’t do this,” her mouth breathed. Her voice, but definitely not her truth. 

            He looked her up and down and then he moved as though he was about to get up and she grabbed his arms, digging in before he could escape. He looked at them and then back at her face in confusion. “You just said...”

            “I know what I said!” She threw her head back in frustration. Try as she might though, she couldn’t bring herself to let go of him. If she gave in, right here, right now... she knew, somehow, that there would be no going back. This wasn’t a decision she could make sometime in the future, this was one she had to make now. The question was simple; do what she knew she was supposed to... or not? “Oh forget it!” she said in exasperation and grabbed his cheeks and pulled him closer. 

            The kiss was soft and hesitant at first, but then it deepened as they were both flooded with longing. Someday... this was going to break her father’s heart. Someday this was going cause an outcry from her people. Someday... she was going to have to live with the consequences. But even knowing that, she was helpless to resist the magnetic pull to him that overwhelmed her.

            But finally, her brain  _did_  catch up and she pulled back. She hated the look of disappointment on his face. If only he knew how disappointed she was too. And it was far worse for her than not getting what you wanted in one moment. Pulling away meant she was giving up everything for her people. Something her father and everyone else on Shili expected her to do. She’d live a lifetime of regret, whereas he could easily call up Padmé and continue on with someone else. 

            “I’m sorry,” she said finally, and he stood up. “I’m the future queen and...”

            “It’s fine,” he mumbled under his breath and started for the rope ladder. She watched him as he climbed quickly, she could feel his sullenness. “Jedi aren’t allowed to have attachments anyways.” He disappeared out of sight and she saw the hammock move to take his weight. She had the strongest urge to throw something, or even worse, march right back to her father and tell him she didn’t give a damn what was expected of her. 

            But instead she got up, headed into the bathroom and dropped into the bathtub, fully clothed. She wrapped her arms around her knees, dropped her chin and just cried. This was her hiding place when she was upset, nobody disturbed her here. And through the heavy doors or next to the waterfall shower, nobody could hear her cry either.

            She was a prisoner in her own life, that’s what it felt like. When she looked around and saw all the beautiful artwork and luxurious things she had, it only made it hurt that much worse. These things meant nothing to her. She was grateful for them of course, she knew she had it easy compared to many others out there. But knowing that didn’t stop the pain. Knowing that didn’t make her proud. She’d gladly trade every advantage she’d ever had in life to have the one thing she wanted right now. The freedom to choose her own path. 

            She sat up suddenly when a thought hit her. She scrambled out of the bathtub and raced into her closet. She dug through her clothes and garments until she found a simple loose pair of pants and wrapped some fabric around her top. Then she crept out of her room. 

            She snuck to the back staircase and slid more than ran all the way to the bottom. Then, rather than taking the boat, she dove into the cold greenish waters of Meht Naghi and swam to the other side. She waited for a few minutes, outside the barn to make sure the stablemaster had gone to bed, then she slipped in and padded to a stop in front of the nexu she’d just rescued from Geonosis. 

            It had been resting comfortably on a bed of fresh turu grass, looking content and happily fed for the first time in its life, probably. She almost hated to disturb it. But before she could turn to an ikopi instead, it lifted its spade shape head, all four black eyes on her suddenly alert. 

            “Hi Smiley,” she whispered. It chirruped and got to its feet, jogging softly over to the gate between them. “Hi buddy.” She petted it on the head. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you’d give me a ride?” It tipped its head to one side, studying her with curiosity. “No, I’m not running away, though it’s tempting,” she choked up. “But it’s dangerous to travel alone at night and I’d feel better if you were with me.” She dropped her head. “And I could really use a friend right now.” 

            Ikopis were fast, but no match for an akul or ironically, nexu, if they encountered one out there in the wild. Nexu were even faster than them and at least stood a chance if they encountered the deadliest beast on Shili. Not that she wanted to put Smiley in danger after everything he’d been through, but they’d more and likely be able to outrun them. Akul weren’t fast necessarily, but what they lacked in speed they made up for in brute strength and cunning. 

            One akul alone, could tear through entire villages if it gained the advantage. But one solitary hunter could kill it if they started the fight and kept the upper hand. Akul had very thick, tough skin that meant nearly every weapon glanced right off it. Including their horns. But they were vulnerable in two places, the underbelly and a small ring of soft flesh around their necks. But because of their thick, muscular legs and sharp claws, it was nearly impossible to gain access to the underbelly without getting mauled. And their sheer mass made it difficult to knock them off their feet. 

            A nexu could do it if they hit it at the right speed, but that then put the nexu at an immediate disadvantage. Her hope was, it wouldn’t matter, and they wouldn’t meet one, but she didn’t want to take the chance of being caught out there by herself. Her species were designed mainly for short bursts of activity and energy, not prolonged runs or fights. If one caught her scent and snuck up on her unawares, she’d never be able to outlast it, even if she survived the first attack.

            Smiley got to his feet and rubbed his head against the gate, weaving back and forth so she could pet it as he went by. She took that as a yes that he’d go with her and unlocked it. She heard the nearby ikopis bleat and back into their own pens and she smiled to herself. The stablemaster had warily agreed to let her keep the nexu here, treating it like all the other royal mounts and pets. But in close proximity to its normal prey, it had definitely caused some of the other animals stress. She was probably the first one to ever tame a nexu, or rather, befriend one. At least here on Shili. Nexu were often one of the beasts that were hunted during bhats and festivals. 

            She still wasn’t sure why this wild one was so friendly, but perhaps it had something to do with the connection they’d made on Geonosis. 

            Smiley followed her obediently out of the stable and waited patiently for her to leap onto its back. Then she pointed to the distant horizon and nudged its sides. He took off like a shot and it took her a few minutes to remember how to fall into groove with his gait and then it was easy flying the rest of the way.

            To her relief, they encountered no akul along the way, and all the other beasts that might be out at that hour hunting, steered clear of them. Though he ran quietly, they could very likely feel his vibration through the ground. In all her years in the arena, she’d never encountered a nexu as big as him. So even if the others didn’t know he was dangerous, they’d stay away based on size alone. 

            Akuls were the one thing she’d never been allowed to fight in the arena and never got to see them up close, so she wasn’t sure how big Smiley was in comparison to them. 

            She slowed their pace as they neared the mountain and allowed him to walk slowly up the hillside. She felt the force more strongly here this time, now that she had a better understanding of what it was. When she’d thought to return to this place, where she’d met Anakin again a few weeks ago, she’d hoped maybe it would be a place that would offer guidance. She felt connected to the place, possibly the only place on Shili she felt some sense of belonging either to the planet or the rest of the galaxy. 

            It had taken them probably about an hour to travel this far, it would have been longer if she’d taken an ikopi or made the journey on foot. As it was, it was very late, probably midnight now. The full moon cast an ethereal glow on the landscape around them, but she wasn’t afraid. 

She felt safe here. Like it was a sacred space. She dismounted from Smiley and patted him gently as she left him on the lower plateau to drink from the lake. Then she followed the narrow path up to the top, the place she’d seen in her dream that one day. The two crystals that still hung around her neck started pulsing stronger and she held them up to look at them.

            Kyber crystals. That’s what Anakin had called them. _Lightsaber_ crystals. The kind that only called to Jedi. It didn’t make any sense. It was like the universe was telling her she was meant to walk the path of a Jedi without ever being one of them. If the force had led her to these, it must mean she was going to need them.

            She closed her eyes and remembered the way it had felt to hold the weapon he’d tossed to her. It was electric, it made her feel powerful. Like for once in her life she finally had control over it. And suddenly she was connected to the very life essence of the universe as though the force were like blood pumping throughout the body. She’d felt it around her and inside her, as though she’d become one with it. Much like when she’d connected to Smiley in the arena, and suddenly she was conscious of his feelings, fears, senses. Like how she’d just known where to find him and that he’d come when she called. It felt like the times she could jump from beast to beast and traverse the landscape through their eyes. 

            Did all Jedi feel that way? Could all Jedi do that? She had so many questions about the force and life and the order, but now her one connection to it was fading away. 

She stopped in front of a boulder and thought of the way Anakin had moved the one below so effortlessly. Anxious to feel that power again, she reached out her hand and tried to focus on it. It shifted slightly but then what happened on Geonosis flooded into her brain and she dropped her hand as though she’d been zapped. 

            She hated this! She knew she’d been led to these things for a reason but being the heir to Shili kept getting in the way. Because of some stupid vision the elder had when she was a child, her father had selfishly kept her here. Locked away as though if what she was was never discovered it would simply fade away and she’d have no choice but to focus on her people. 

            She felt a rush of anger and then to her utter surprise, the boulder she’d been trying to move exploded into a million pieces. She stared at it in disbelief, throbbing pain pumping through her from several spots on her arms and legs as though she’d been hit with shrapnel. She ignored the blood dribbling down her skin and slowly got to her feet. 

            Had she, in her anger, exploded the boulder? She picked up a piece of it and turned it over in her hands.  _Without proper training, the force can be a dangerous weapon_. That’s what Anakin had said.  _People could get hurt_. She looked down finally, to see streaks of blood that had started dripping down her. She’d hadn’t been afraid or angry when she’d tried to throw that rock at Dooku in that cave. But admittedly, she’d wanted him to hurt. Maybe not kill him, no, but enough to stop him from what he was doing. To stop him from the inevitable war that would cost the lives of so many innocents. 

            Had it been her lack of control and training or her desire that had nearly killed them instead? She felt this kind of tainted tingling that moved through her veins like sludge. It was cold and making her shiver. She didn’t like this feeling, she didn’t like it at all. What had she tapped into? The force was just the force, right? There wasn’t other stuff out there you had to be careful not to call instead, was there? 

            There were good and bad Jedi weren’t there? The Sith... but they were only using the force to do bad things, they weren’t using something else, were they? 

            She dropped to her knees near the boulder, continuing to ignore the pain from the pieces of the rock now imbedded in different parts of her skin. She really didn’t know anything about anything! She didn’t know anything about the force or how it worked, let alone how to use it. She didn’t know anything about herself and what she was. And she certainly knew nothing about being queen or how to lead her people. And yet everyone seemed to think she was everything she needed to be, that she would save them all. How could she save them if she didn’t know how to save herself?

            She wished she could talk to Anakin, but he probably hated her right now. She’d dangled a possibility of a future in front of him and then snatched it back. “It’s not my fault!” she cried suddenly. “It’s my destiny to take the throne, and deal with everything that comes with it. And that means... well, it means we can’t be together. But I want us to be, I really do.”

            She dropped her head, heaving but no tears came this time. She’d wept too much tonight already. She stared at the ground, gasping for breath as her body went through the motions of sobbing without any real tears falling. Maybe she really should run away. Maybe destiny was something you could escape. It meant she’d break her father’s heart, but she had a hunch she’d break it worse by staying. She wasn’t sure exactly where she’d go, but anywhere sounded better than here right now. 

            She’d made it back to the path down when she felt something and froze. She turned around in confusion. It was impossible, how could he be here? She’d have heard him coming, she’d have seen him. She looked around but couldn’t find him and then he seemed to appear on the edge of the plateau right in front of her eyes. His back was to her, as he stared off into the distance much as he had before. 

            “Anakin?” she asked. He turned around in surprise and flickered some but then managed to steady himself.

            “Princess?” He looked around quickly and then back at her. “What are you doing here?”

            “I... er... needed some fresh air.” She shuffled her feet. “So I asked Smiley to give me a ride here.”

            “Wait,” he said in confusion. “You’re really here?” He vanished for a minute and then reappeared moments later. 

            “Uh yeah,” she said. “Why?” 

            He looked like he was about to say something and then shook his head. But then his eyes narrowed. “Why did you leave without telling me?” he demanded. 

            “Oh give me a break!” she said in exasperation. “Would you have let me go if I told you? You don’t seem to get it, Skyguy, but I’m more than capable of taking care of myself. With or without the force.” She put her hands on her hips. “And don’t you dare tell me it’s your duty to protect me because I don’t care.” She put her hand up to stop him from interrupting. “I will not be babied as though I’m helpless and useless. I will not be treated as though my own needs don’t matter masked by chivalry and good intentions. I am the future queen and I’m kriffing tired of everyone telling me what I can or cannot do!”

            He looked taken aback for a moment and then he bowed slightly. “I didn’t mean...” he trailed off. 

            “I appreciate your concern and protectiveness, but it’s suffocating. I get it everywhere I turn. From my father, from my best friend, from my assistants, from the security staff both here and on Naboo. I’m tired of it. I don’t need it from you too. You’re the one person I thought would understand that.” She stopped ranting finally and crossed her arms. She shivered slightly when she looked past him and saw the exploded boulder. She kind of hoped he wouldn’t notice that. 

            He drifted closer to her and reached out like he wanted to touch her but then he dropped his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I just don’t want anything to happen to you. And no it’s not because of my mandate to protect you.” He sighed and looked down. But then she saw him furrow his brow and just before he reached out, she remembered the rock pieces still imbedded in her skin and the blood that had snaked its way down her arms and legs. Possibly other places too and she hadn’t noticed yet. He picked a piece out of her arm and she sucked in a breath. “What the kriff?” he whispered, brushing his finger through the blood streak and smearing it. She squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment. “What happened?”

            “Nothing,” she muttered, unwilling to meet his eyes as she shivered again. She saw him look around and finally his landed on the boulder. Or rather, what was left of it.

            “Did you do that?” he asked, looking back at her.

            “It was an... uh... accident.” The heat rose in her cheeks.

            “You accidentally exploded a boulder?” he asked in disbelief.

            “What? I’m sure other Jedi I have done it! Why are you making a big deal out of it?” she huffed, trying to mask the sudden rush of fear at his reaction. Of course other Jedi has done this. There was no way she was the first one. “I was trying to practice moving it.”

            “But you exploded it...” he trailed off and turned to head towards the remains and crouched down to investigate. 

            “What are you doing here, anyways?” she asked, hoping to change the subject. 

            “Well, ever since we met here in the force, I often end up here when I meditate,” he replied distractedly. “I like it here, it’s soothing. Most of my meditations aren’t as peaceful as they are when I’m here.” He stood up again and turned around, looking her over. She shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “Ahsoka,” he started, and her eyes flickered to his as a rush of dread pumped through her. She didn’t like the tone in his voice. It was laced with concern. “I told you that using the force without proper training could be dangerous.”

            “I know that!” she said stubbornly. “That’s why I’m out here, in the middle of nowhere. I can’t hurt anyone else.”

            “But you hurt yourself,” he said softly and closed the distance between them again. He ran his fingers down her arms and flicked out pieces of rock that were still stuck there. 

            “Please don’t tell me not to do it,” she whispered. “It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to belonging somewhere. When I feel the force course through me, I finally feel like I have power over my life. Like something just clicks inside my brain. This is who you are. This is what you’re meant for.” She pulled herself out of his grip and started pacing. “I can’t be a Jedi, I know that. It’s too late for me. My father made sure of that.” She squeezed her hand into a fist and then quickly tried to relax her muscles. Then she grabbed the crystals around her neck and turned on him. “But these called to me. You said they were lightsaber crystals. The force doesn’t make mistakes, does it?” Her voice cracked.

            He stepped closer and took her by the shoulders. She half expected him to start lecturing her again, but instead he pulled her against him. 

            “No, the force doesn’t make mistakes,” he said finally, and she let out a sigh of relief and relaxed into his embrace. “I’m not allowed to train you, but after what I witnessed on Geonosis, you’re far too powerful to leave with no direction. What happened to that boulder? That’s not normal, Ahsoka. You tapped into something beyond your comprehension and allowed or not, I can’t in good conscience leave without giving you some guidance.” He stepped back and took the lightsaber crystals in his hand. “And I guess I’ll start by showing you how to make your own lightsabers. It would be in the best interest of everyone that you don’t tell them what we did tonight, okay?” 

            She nodded and rolled her lips. On the one hand it was yet another thing about her life she’d have to hide, but on the other, it felt almost like something was finally going right for her. 


	17. Advocating

            She was driving Shmi crazy. Of course Shmi was too nice to tell her that, but she knew she was. She couldn’t help it though. It had been a month since the war started, and since Anakin had returned to Coruscant. She had nobody else to talk to. She didn’t even have Artoo. She’d sent him with Anakin for several reasons, the biggest one, to protect him. But also, she’d wanted Artoo to learn everything he could about the Jedi and the force and how they trained, so she could learn it too.

            Of course, she hadn’t told Anakin that. Which she felt a small pang of guilt over. But he didn’t seem to understand what this was like for her. He’d tried, at least. That was something. After the incident with the boulder, he’d given her basic instructions and he’d shown her how to build a lightsaber. But he’d also left her with a warning; she couldn’t  _force_  the force. 

            If she kept trying to, she’d tap into the dark side. And since her intentions weren’t as selfless as the Jedi, her search for knowledge and power could have devastating consequences. Which meant that even though she now knew how to make lightsabers, she couldn’t rush it. He’d told her that the force would lead her to the pieces she’d need, just as it had led her to the crystals. It would also test her, possibly repeatedly. And, she’d have to reach deep inside herself to manage the actual construction. 

            She was impatient to learn, to build them. But she was trying not to be. She was out of the loop with the war, since Padmé was too busy with her senator duties to give her detailed reports. Every so often she’d get a quick summary of what was going on, but very little to keep her satisfied. She’d tried to convince her friend to ask more questions about the clones and where they’d come from. She’d tried to express her concerns about their loyalty. Not that they themselves were bad, but if they’d been created using a well-known bounty hunter’s DNA, shouldn’t that warrant a more thorough investigation? Especially since that bounty hunter either worked for or was friends with the leader of the confederacy?

            But every time she’d brought it up, Padmé had been dismissive, claiming that the Separatists had no motivation to create an army for the Republic. She said the soldiers served them well and were badly needed as more and more planets were pulled into the rising conflict. That wasn’t what she’d been trying to argue with her friend. But everybody seemed to miss the point. 

            Even Anakin, though he’d complained about the use of men created only to fight, hadn’t put up much resistance about them, essentially slaves, being ordered into battle. “They were made to fight, Princess,” he’d said. “They want to fight. I don’t like it either, but we need them.”

            It was starting to feel like everybody was losing their minds. Was that what war did to them, the true cost? All Padmé talked about was irresponsible spending. All the holonews reported was how many battles were breaking out all over the galaxy. All the chancellor talked about was how important it was for the Republic to get the upper hand, to restore order. And then... there was her father... who didn’t care even a little about the war and insisted every day that she follow him around in his duties as the king. In fact, he talked about pretty much everything  _except_ the war. All these lessons really consisted of was her sitting on the raised dais in the throne room, listening to him talk to the people for most of the day.

            She was bored out of her mind; she couldn’t make heads or tails out of the purpose or point of any of it. None of them seemed to have real issues that actually required the intervention of the royal family. In fact, the more she watched, the less she believed a leader was even necessary. It was all for show. It was almost as though her people knew that there was no point to a ruler of the whole planet and actually thought up reasons to come simply to make them feel useful.

            After just a month of this, she was ready to run away, this time sure that she would die of boredom if she was forced to take that throne. At least Padmé had had things to do that required more than food distribution and territory conflicts. She half found herself wishing for some kind of conflict to befall Shili simply for some excitement.

            Not even the arena or hunting thrilled her anymore. She’d been banned by her father from competing in it. As for hunting, she was never allowed to go alone anymore. The only times she even managed to escape the palace unaccompanied was with Smiley on an occasional run. But even those had been cut short by her duties and expectations. The only time she ever got to herself was when she snuck out in the middle of the night. 

            So unfortunately, Shmi got all her rants and restlessness, mainly because she was the only one that actually listened to her anymore. But her own agitation was affecting her too, because as happy as she’d been to see her son, she now had to find ways to distract herself from worrying about him in the middle of the war. And her constantly complaining about it and or updating her on it, probably wasn’t helping. 

            In order to give Shmi a break, she’d resorted to talking to her nexu in the stables, which was far less satisfying. Not only could he not understand, their connection caused him agitation as well, which then started causing problems with the other animals and mounts. Smiley started getting snappy with the handlers, he gnawed on the wooden gates, he’d growl and whine causing too much stress to the nearby ikopis.

            And ultimately, to her sorrow, they’d been forced to release him into the wild and let him fend for himself. Her father had given her that order. It had taken every ounce of willpower she had not to yell at him and tell him that she was just as unhappy in her own cage, why couldn’t he release her too? It felt like the only friend she had left was Shmi, but she didn’t want to keep pestering her. 

            She slipped out of the palace late that evening, like she usually did. She made her way down to her ship at the spaceport. She sat down at the controls and for the millionth time this past month, she thought about just starting it up and flying away. She really had no idea what kept her here. Her sense of duty to her people was fading every passing day. Even her frustration with her father made it harder and harder to respect his wishes for her to stay. 

            She dropped her hands again. “Not today,” she sighed. Then she flipped the switch to check for messages. There were none. It had been a week since her last one from Padmé. Even longer since she’d heard from Anakin. He wasn’t really allowed to keep in touch with her, as it was, the few messages she’d gotten from him were things he’d snuck away to send through Artoo. But they were often brief, barely much of anything at all. 

            The last thing he’d told her was that he was heading to Christophsis with his own legion of clones to rescue Bail Organa who had gotten trapped there. He’d sounded so excited; he’d been knighted early; promoted to general. He’d talked about the clone captain, Rex, and how good he was, and how happy he was he would be serving under him.

            She sighed and sat back in her chair. “I hope you’re really good, Captain,” she muttered out loud. “But I hate that you’re a slave.” Shmi didn’t say it, but she could tell she too, was bothered by the situation of the clones. She’d only once said anything to confirm that feeling and it was that as long as the Republic deceived themselves that it wasn’t slavery, no one would ever care. 

            Her comment had hit her hard as she’d flashbacked to the time they’d sat around the dinner table in that little hut on Tatooine. When Padmé had expressed surprise that slavery still existed since the Republic had outlawed it. And Shmi had said in her tired, but accepted tone, “the Republic doesn’t exist out here.”  

            Ever since that conversation she’d been researching every chance she got. Scouring for any information she could find in order to present a case to the Republic senate. She still didn’t know if her father would let her go, but she couldn’t in good conscience let them continue on without at least an understanding of what they were doing. She had to make sure they knew they were violating their own morality, their own laws. She doubted anybody would truly listen, but no matter what the outcome was, it still needed to be said.

            She’d expected Padmé to be more willing to support her, but her attention was more focused on the people that were getting left behind on Republic worlds because of the growing military budget. She’d expressed no concerns over the use of the clones, only that they shouldn’t create more. And it hurt her to realize that the person she’d idolized for so long, seemed just as blinded by the war as everyone else. 

            Every senator had their own agenda. All of them were more divided than ever as they sought both how to benefit from the war, but also how to protect themselves. And though she wouldn’t go so far to say that Padmé was becoming the same way, she reluctantly admitted even the senator of Naboo had her own angle. The difference was, she wasn’t out to benefit herself or her own people, only help as many as she could. Admirable, but blind.

            But to her own inexperience with politics, it felt just as self-centered as the rest of them. And she supposed in the middle of the war, it was impossible to make everyone happy. Not that that was possible in peace times either. She blew the air out the side of her mouth. 

            She turned on the holonews hoping for some shred of something; about Anakin, about the senate, about the Republic’s standing. But after an hour of listening, the only useful thing she’d learned was that in two days, the senate would vote on a bill to produce a million more clones. Why hadn’t Padmé told her about this vote?

            That was the final straw. She _had_ to go. She had to say her piece before this went too far. It had only been a month and it was already out of control. 

 

—-

 

            “Where is my daughter?” Saron asked, taking his place on the throne.

            “I’m right here, father,” she said, hurrying into the throne room. She’d been up most of the night compiling a speech, packing and mulling over how she wanted to ask her father. As it was, she’d taken the liberty to dress herself this morning, deliberately in travel clothes. Tovash had returned to his tribe for a week for an important ritual, so Shmi had taken over his role as the royal dresser while he was gone. Now, that might just work in her favor. But she’d gotten dressed and left her room before Shmi had even come calling.

            “What in Meht Shili’s name are you wearing, child?” her father said, crossing his arms. 

            She gave a quick bow to him. “Traveling clothes,” she replied simply.

            “Why?”

            “I’m leaving for Coruscant soon.”

            Her father stood up and marched down the stairs stopping in front of her. He was trying to intimidate her, but her mind was made up on this. She would not be swayed. She straightened and glared back at him. 

            “You told me that my responsibility is to my people,” she said before he could begin his lecture. “But you also told me that I must trust my call. And right now, my people are being well cared for by you. There are people out there, who are not as lucky.” She gestured up. “And they need me too. You will not change my mind, father. I _need_ to go.”

            “My de’he’ren,” he started.

            “I cannot forgive myself if I don’t do this. I will not spend my life in luxury while the rest of the galaxy suffers. Not when there is something we could do to help.”

            “There are always people suffering, child,” he said. “It is impossible to help them all.”

            “Perhaps,” she conceded a little. “But to never try is an affront to the very life we worship.” She felt Shmi enter the throne room. “I won’t be going alone, father. Shmi will be with me.”

            She didn’t have to look to know that she’d frozen a few paces away when her father had looked over her head at her. “Is this about the Jedi boy?” That’s how he still referred to Anakin.

            “No,” she said adamantly. “This is about slavery. This is about freedom and the fundamental right of each individual, created or born. This is about what is right and just. And I will represent my people by standing up for those rights, tall and proud, in the face of adversity.”

            “And what will you do when your actions bring the conflict home, endangering them?”

            “I will protect them.”

            He stared at her a moment and she refused to waiver. Then he glanced past her at Shmi. “You will accompany her?” Shmi hesitated a moment and then finally nodded. “Very well, de’he’ren. But the moment you return, your lessons will resume.”

            “Thank you, father.” She gave another quick bow and linked her arm with Shmi, guiding her out of the room before anybody could change their minds. 

 

—-

 

            “I never could have imagined this is what Coruscant was like,” Shmi murmured from next to her, as they entered the atmosphere and she guided her ship down. “My poor boy.”

            She glanced over at Anakin’s mother and chewed her lip. What was she supposed to say to that? Coruscant was exciting. And though it was unnatural and dead in many ways, it was full of life in many others. For Anakin, who seemed to have taken a liking to the fast paced, intense lifestyle, she’d never once wondered how he’d adjusted to life on a completely opposite planet from where he’d been raised. 

            Though now that she thought about it, perhaps that explained a lot of his strange behavior when she’d been reunited with him after ten years. Maybe he hadn’t adjusted well at all. He’d said in the meditation that he found peace on Shili, more so than he found anywhere else. Maybe he didn’t love the action as much as she’d originally thought. Or maybe, finding out his mother was there is what made it seem peaceful. His mother was the roots that grew from his feet; wherever she was, would always be home. 

            She had no such bond with her mother. They were as starkly different as you could get. In fact, it still amazed her they were even related, let alone that she was her daughter. She’d once been close to her father, though lately it felt as though the more time they spent together, the more they were driven apart. In many ways Shili did root her, but in many other ways, it failed to keep her grounded. The force gave her wings that Meht Shili herself could not tether. 

            The closest she’d ever felt to anything like home was with Anakin, and with his mother. They were more family to her than her own family, and in the grand scheme of things, she hardly knew them. 

            She was surprised to see Anakin standing there on the landing platform when she and Shmi disembarked the vessel. She hadn’t told him she was coming, was that a force thing too? After he’d greeted his mother with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, he stopped in front of her. He didn’t say anything at first as he looked her over, she did the same. 

            He looked good standing there, strong and confident. Seeing his mother had clearly given him a burst of energy. He no longer had the padawan braid down the right side, nor did he wear his hair in a ponytail any longer. She liked the soft wavy curls that fell around his face. They weren’t too long or too short. She was surprised to see a scar down his right eye and she immediately wanted to touch it. It looked as though it had just missed his eyeball. She resisted the urge. 

            “It’s good to see you, your highness,” he said with a quick bow. “Your father sent a message ahead that you were coming.”

            “He did?” she asked in surprise, and confusion. She’d taken the ship, the only way to communicate off world. So then how had he known about Geonosis? But if he did have a way to contact the outside world that she didn’t know about, why would he call Anakin of all people? He didn’t like the Jedi, and he certainly didn’t like her friendship with him. She’d have to remember to ask him when she returned. 

            “He hoped I would be around to protect you, I believe. Though officially, I’ve not been given that mandate. I could be called away at any moment,” Anakin replied, offering to take their luggage, but she told him to leave it on the ship for now. So, he offered both of them his arms instead. 

            “When will he figure out that I don’t need protecting?” she complained. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, of course.” She was grateful to be holding onto him at the moment, though she didn’t like the suggested weakness. Her head was spinning, she thought she might tip over. What else didn’t she know about herself, her family or her world? It suddenly felt as though for all her father’s lessons preparing her to take the throne, he’d in fact, told her nothing. And she thought  _she_  was the one that had been keeping secrets.

            He helped his mother up the steps into their Coruscant apartment and when she headed into the kitchen, he turned to her again. “I don’t think he called me to protect you in that sense, Princess. I think he’s worried about the other stuff.”

            “What other stuff?” she asked in confusion, steadying herself on the sofa.

            “The force.”

            “Why? Does he think I run off here to get secret training or something?” she huffed and collapsed onto the seat and crossed her arms.

            “He didn’t say it, but I suspect it’s actually the opposite,” Anakin said thoughtfully, sitting down across from her. “I think he’s  _hoping_  you’ll get training.”

            “Then why the kriff did he prevent me from being taken by the Jedi? I could have come here and trained for awhile and then returned home when I was older and take the throne? Now he tiptoes around my abilities, unwilling to openly discuss them. He seems to respect them only when I put my foot down that I feel I  _must_  do something, but otherwise he seems to do his best to block me from anything outside of Shili.”

            “He’s afraid for you,” he replied. “And I don’t think it’s just because you’re supposed to take the throne. Or even because you’re his only child. I sensed a great many things hiding beneath the surface when he talked about you.”

            “He certainly seems to be hiding a lot about me,” she said in frustration. “And  _from_  me.”

            Their discussion was interrupted when Shmi re-entered the room, and very quickly, her and Anakin were lost in conversation, catching up on the past month’s events. As much as she wanted to hear all of that, she needed to have a word with Padmé before it got too late.

            “I’ll let you two spend some time together, I need to discuss tomorrow’s vote with my friend,” she said the last part through gritted teeth. She knew that Padmé had plenty to worry about, but she had promised she’d keep her updated on important events and this vote seemed plenty important. She might no longer act as the official full-time senator for Shili, but she was still it’s representative and was allowed to weigh-in for major bills. It almost felt like everybody was closing her out of all the things she needed to be a part of. First, her father kept secrets about her own life and world, and now Padmé kept her away from the senate. Unless of course, she was afraid she’d vote for more spending and purposely kept her in the dark. She certainly hadn’t told Padmé she was coming for this vote, and if her father had called Anakin, he’d probably called her too. 

  


—-

  


            She returned to her apartment a few hours later, well after dark. She was frustrated and nothing Padmé said had calmed her down. She’d interrupted a dinner party between her friend and a few other senators and they’d sat around a table discussing the vote as though the lives involved hardly mattered compared to the financial cost of it. Only Senator Organa had really heard anything she’d said, but even he had made no suggestions on what other options they could be. Even if the clones were important to the war right now, it would take the same amount of time to train an actual army that it would for the Kaminoans to build more  _people_.

            That was the part that irked her the most. Everyone talked about them as though they were equipment. A weapon or tool that had no minds of their own. She didn’t know what to do about it either, because of course it would be devastating for the Republic to lose the war. And she wasn’t against the clones at all, she just wanted them to have a choice and to be treated like people. 

            But anytime she’d brought that up at the dinner table, her friend had looked at her with pity as though she simply didn’t understand the way it worked. If they were given a choice, how many soldiers would they lose? If they were paid, it would only cost the Republic that much more. It always came back to money.

            Shili might not be perfect, but she was grateful their reliance and livelihood didn’t depend on stacks of ugly chunks of metal. That greed was a non-issue because they wanted for nothing. If it was possible for Shili to pay the clones, singlehandedly, she’d offer it up in a heartbeat. But she wasn’t sure what the repercussions of that would be. With so much greed rampant in the galaxy, drawing attention to her planet’s wealth could have tragic consequences. And as much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to understand her father’s concern about her being too vocal. 

            Anakin was standing out on the balcony, watching the city activity below. There was no sign of Shmi, so she must have already retired for the night. She was suddenly grateful he’d stuck around to wait for her. She needed to be near someone that understood, even if he felt powerless to do anything about it. Nobody would understand her aversion to slavery as well as a former slave. She noticed he must have returned to her ship to get the luggage because her trunk now sat outside her door.

            “Thank you for bringing in the luggage,” she said, joining him on the balcony, running her hand across his back. Were they close enough for her to touch him like that? She suddenly wasn’t sure. In fact, she wasn’t really sure how they’d left anything. It seemed they both wanted it, but neither were willing to say it. For him, he had to think about his status as a Jedi, for her... she had to think about her people. If she had a choice, she’d choose him in a heartbeat. But she still didn’t think she’d get away with that. Of course, nothing seemed to tell her heart that. No she hadn’t come here to see him, but she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t hoped to. 

            “No trouble at all, Princess,” he said, turning his intense blue eyes on her at last. She felt her cheeks flush with warmth and she turned to look out at the city too, and dropped her hand to her side. “My mother said you came here to fight for the clones.”

            “Yes,” she murmured, playing with her fingernails, waiting for him to inevitably start off on all the reasons why it was stupid just like everyone else did. 

            He put his hand on her shoulder and her eyes flitted back to his face. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. 

            “I’m not sure it will do much good,” she sighed. “Everyone has been doing nothing but telling me not to bother. I’m not saying we don’t need them, and I never said they don’t serve us well. Or that they’re brave or good. All I want is for people to pay attention to the line we’re crossing. But apparently I’m the only one it haunts.”

            He looked her over. “No, you’re not.” He paced around for awhile and then finally sat down on the nearby chaise. She studied his face while he looked deep in thought. “I know we need them, but it bothers me too. They live, fight and die for something they were never even a part of. They have no loyalty to the Republic, no natural loyalty anyways. They were programmed to serve, just like droids. I feel every one of their deaths and every single one hurts. The Jedi... they don’t care. It’s all part of the greater good. Who cares if a few nameless clones fall if order is restored?” She sat down on the coffee table and set her hand on his knee to comfort him. “I care.” He looked up at her. 

            “So do I.”

            “I know,” he whispered, emotion strangling his voice. “You’ve always cared. I just wish there was more we can do. I’m afraid though, the vast majority of the Republic doesn’t share our sentiment. Not even the Jedi that are supposed to view all life as sacred, seem particularly bothered by the circumstance.”

            “Then we make them care,” she said passionately. “I can’t let this rest.” 

            He set his hand on top of hers and squeezed it. She smiled at the warmth that spread from his touch. “I should probably get back to the Jedi temple,” he said finally. She felt a rush of disappointment. 

            “You’re welcome to stay the night,” she said quickly, but blushed when he looked her way. “I mean we have three beds. I’m sure Tovash has some clothes here if you want something more comfortable than your robes. Make yourself at home.” She tried to brush it off feeling weirder by the minute.

            Was this what it was like to fall in love? When you want someone around, when even their entrance into the room brightens it? When you embarrass yourself because you don’t want them to leave? She was about to roll her eyes but noticed he was still watching her. 

            “Princess...”

            “Ahsoka,” she corrected, trying not to seem uncomfortable. As much as she hated being called princess, admittedly the way he said it was growing on her. Though she’d still rather him call her by her name. 

            “That sounds nice, Ahsoka,” he said finally, as though he too, decided they weren’t ready to go where they were headed. She didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed. Maybe both? She had enough to worry about with her father as it was, adding a Jedi boyfriend into the mix wouldn’t do her any favors. 

            “My home is your home,” she said and quickly kissed him on the cheek. She shouldn’t have, but admittedly she’d wanted something.  _Anything_. Okay, that wasn’t a such a good thought. She wished him goodnight and hurried into her room. 

            Her father had called him, wanting him to be there. Was he giving her permission in his own weird way, or was she just so lonely she was running to the only person she believed understood her?

  


—-

  


            She stood in her senate pod, swallowing as she glanced around the room as everyone got into position. She wasn’t as charismatic as some of the others, like Bail and Padmé. But admittedly she was starting to lose her nerve as the debate went on. Then she felt Anakin nearby and she took a deep breath. She had to do this, even if it was hard.

            She powered her pod out further past the others. “There’s something I’d like to say,” she flipped the amplifier switch on the control panel. “Before we vote.”

            “The senate recognizes Representative Tano of Shili,” the speaker said and she nodded her thanks, but felt her chest tighten as the room fell silent and the hundreds of people present turned and looked at her. The chancellor made her uncomfortable, so she didn’t look at him. 

            She hesitated just a moment. “The bill we’re voting on today is bigger than the war,” she started carefully, trying her hardest to stay calm. “It’s more than a hope for victory or irresponsible spending. We _need_ our troops, we _need_ to protect all that the Republic stands for and all the people that make it up. But even in war, we must face difficult choices, we must keep our values intact. Though the clones were created, they are still living, breathing people. Their lives matter as much as each of ours. They fight and die for us and the only thing we argue about is whether or not to spend the money on making more.” She took a deep breath, steadying her hands. She could feel the tension rising around her. She knew her words were making people angry. “We fight to win this war because we believe our democracy is superior. We believe our Republic holds the greatest gift of all; freedom. Yet now we fight for it on the backs of slaves.” Angry whispering started all around her.

            “They’re not slaves, Representative,” the Kaminoan senator said in annoyance. “They are advanced weaponry. They were specially designed to give us every advantage. It’s a testament to all that makes the Republic great.”

            “You speak of them as though they’re droids!” she said in frustration. She would not be derailed. “They are alive, they are human! They deserve to be given individual rights! They deserve a choice. We outlawed slavery years ago, but now we use them to fight our war.”

            “I told you, they’re not slaves!” People started breaking off into discussions again.

            “The definition of slavery is when a sentient being is the property of another,” she raised her voice. “We call them property. We treat them as such. We punish them with treason if they don’t want to fight. We have them destroyed if they’re defective. We pay them no mind if we meet them in the street. Tell me how is that not slavery? The war has barely started and we’re already losing sight of what makes us great.” She thought of what Shmi had said. “As long as we live in denial of our actions, we are no better than our enemies. Every living being born or created deserves a choice, basic rights and a salary.”

            The room erupted as the whole senate started arguing and her entire point was forgotten as money once again became the forefront of the argument. She dropped her head in disappointment. Nobody cared. Anakin had been right. If she’d been targeted for her radical views of kindness before, surely she’d just placed an even bigger target on her back. No matter how many lessons Padmé taught her, she still didn’t understand the workings of the senate. How people who’d never had to lift a finger for anything they wanted in life, made choices for the rest of the galaxy. And often the _wrong_ choices.

            She looked up and caught the Chancellor looking at her, and for a brief moment, she thought perhaps he had heard her words, but the hope faded just as quickly. There was something in his expression that told her he was the last person that would ally to her cause. How truly far the Republic had fallen when it’s own Chancellor could not be bothered by the plight of the people. He was the one that had been credited with the foresight to commission the clones to begin with. How would he benefit from the war?

            She parked her pod and left before they called to vote. She’d known her words wouldn’t be well received, but she’d hoped for at least some to hear her. What was the point of voting against it anyways? One vote would hardly make a difference. Not when the majority seemed set on creating more. 

            “I’m sorry,” she whispered to Anakin and his mother, on her way by. “I knew they wouldn’t listen.”

            Shmi grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a big hug and she melted into her arms. “People often fear the ugliness inside themselves and the most dangerous people are those that hold the mirror,” Shmi replied when she finally let her go. Then she reached up her hand and brushed away the tear that had slipped out her left eye. “You walk a difficult path, child. But walk it with your head high. People will put roadblocks because they don’t understand, but a pure heart always wins.”

            She tried to nod, but half of her headpiece fell off and she quickly tried to catch it before it hit the ground. It was Anakin that had caught it though and he handed it back to her. 

            “Princess, there’s someone here I’d like you to meet,” he said once they’d made it to the foyer. She looked up when she saw white armor in front of her. “This is Captain Rex.”

            The soldier tipped his head to her and then removed his helmet, revealing a bleached, but shaved head. Again she was face to face with the bounty hunter that had tried to kill her. Again, she was forced to swallow her initial reaction.

            “It’s nice to meet you, your highness,” Rex said, bowing politely. 

            “It’s nice to meet you too, Captain,” she replied, taking his hand in both of hers and squeezing it.

            He gave her a smile and then waved someone else forward. “Do you remember-“

            “Kory!” she exclaimed, giving the soldier a hug before she thought better of it. “Sorry, I forgot myself for a moment,” she muttered in embarrassment.

            “It’s okay, princess,” Kory said with a grin. 

            “We heard what you said in there,” Rex said finally. “You have our gratitude. We were created to fight, and that’s what we’ll do, but it means a lot to know there’s some people out there that see us as more than numbers.”

            “You’ll always be more than numbers to me,” she said passionately. “But there’s got to be a way to get them to see what they’re doing. I will find a way to make them see.”


	18. The Grasslands Tribes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't go into as much detail for the way of life for this tribe, because I covered a lot of it in Traditions. So I tried to only focus on the larger scale. Also, sorry it takes longer to update this story, it takes a lot more brainpower; world building is a lot of work lol :)

            She hurried down the hallway, knowing she was going to get in trouble for being late for her training this morning, but she’d overslept. After the Senate vote, Anakin had taken her and his mother to the shipyard barracks where she’d had a chance to meet more of his legion, the 501st. Which according to him, was the best legion there was, but she suspected he was just biased since supposedly all the clones were identical and trained exactly the same. Meeting a hundred people with the same face as the one that had tried to kill her on Shili before was exhausting and hard to put the residual feelings aside. Though the more of these ‘clones’ she met, it slowly became easier to see them as separate from that bounty hunter; Jango Fett. 

            It wasn’t even that his attempt on her life had traumatized her so much as the way he’d fought the beasts in the arena. In all the history of Shili, no outsiders had ever before survived. So she knew these clones of him were tough, and she knew that the Republic was lucky to have them. But she still found an inexpressible unease in their origin and even more-so in the oversight of the senate and the Jedi to refuse to ask questions about their creation. Too many people were focused only on their need  _of_ them, which she wasn’t disputing in the least, but she had an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach that that very blindness would someday be used against them. Getting people to listen to her about it though, was something else entirely. 

            For now, she admired the differences between them, both in the way they fashioned their armor or hair or tattoos, but also the variety of ways they talked and acted and their varying interests. Kory had happily gone around the group naming them instead of giving her their operating numbers and she’d made a point to shake each hand and repeat their names, memorizing something unique about each of them. The more time she’d spent around them, the more the outcome of her speech bothered her. Could no one else see them the way she did? 

            She would have given pretty much anything to stay longer there in the shipyard, laughing and swapping stories with them, watching them arm wrestle or poke fun at each other. One of them even offered to give her a tattoo which she’d been sorely tempted to agree to. Even Shmi seemed to be having a good time. But then she’d looked at the chrono and realized regrettably, they needed to be heading back to Shili.

            It had been tough to say goodbye, both to Anakin but also to the clones that she’d now call friends. The weight had hit her shortly after they’d jumped to hyperspace at the realization that many of the men she’d met yesterday wouldn’t survive the war, no matter how hard Anakin tried to protect them. It was the reality of war and she hated it. Hating even more how little the senate had cared about their lives. No matter what purpose they were created for, they still deserved respect and to be remembered for the sacrifice they made so others didn’t have to. And if it was the last thing she did, she would make sure the people of the Republic were forced to recognize them and see them as people. Even if she had to shove it in their faces.

            The problem was, and some of why she was late this morning besides returning late last night, was she still couldn’t figure out how to do that. She’d let Shmi sleep in this morning and carefully dressed herself. Though probably not as dutifully as the royal dresser would, she’d at least made an effort to represent all four tribes as expected.

            She stopped halfway to the throne in surprise. It wasn’t her father that was sitting there. Benah lifted her light green face after a moment and stared at her. She kicked herself to move forward, but her pace had slowed considerably. In all her years, only twice had she seen her mother on the throne. Once when her father had been very ill and once when he’d been visiting the remote tribes. It shouldn’t have bothered her that much, but there was something about it that struck her as wrong. She glanced around, but her father wasn’t in the room. Was he ill again or just visiting? Why hadn’t he told her if it was the latter?

            “Oh, you’re back,” her mother said, almost as though displeased that she had in fact returned. Her mother had always been kind to her, but rather distant. Never the doting, affectionate parent like her father could be; well when he wanted to be. And when her training to become queen had started more full time, things seemed to have gotten even more awkward between her and her mother. Though when she’d noticed it, she’d assumed it was simply that training had kept her father away longer and Benah was just jealous that she wasn’t getting as much attention. Her mother rose from the throne and met her at the bottom of the steps and she gave a bow. Then Benah gave her a quick, practically emotionless hug. “How did it go on Coruscant?”

            “Not as well as I would have liked,” she admitted, feeling more and more uncomfortable. “They didn’t even listen to me, they just argued about money.”

            “That’s too bad,” her mother said not very sympathetically and patted her on the back. She really hoped she wasn’t about to take over her training.

            “Where is father?” she asked finally, unable to handle the strained conversation any longer. Her mother was beautiful, but sometimes she felt as empty as a void of some kind. It was like she had no personality of her own and could only reflect those stronger ones around her. 

            “Oh,” her mother said wistfully, as though she hadn’t even noticed his absence or the growing weirdness between them. “He went to visit the elder.” She tried to hide her relief as best as she could. “He should be back any moment now.” Benah put her arm around her shoulder and guided her out to the balcony. “Tell me about Coruscant. What’s it like?” 

            She studied her mom’s face out of the corner of her eye as they both leaned down on the railing. She had soft features, but often a stern look on her face because she rarely smiled. She had a small oval just above the bridge of her nose and then her markings triangulated over each eye and then angled back to meet at her chin. Her montral stripes were a dark blue almost purple and her green eyes complimented the color of her skin. 

            She never really saw herself in her mother, both in personality and looks. But as she noticed the dreamy expression on Benah’s face, she thought about something her father said years ago;  _you are strong like the mountains, fierce like the beasts, wild like a river rushing out to sea. You have your father’s feet but your mother’s wings._

            Now that she thought about it, her father had often compared her willfulness to her mother, but as far as she’d ever known, her mother wasn’t like that at all. She’d always seemed content with the boring routine of everyday. Content to be her father’s shadow and his echoing voice. She’d never seemed like the type to have urges to wander. And despite Saron’s insistence on the ruler being present and on the throne, he had a far brighter or more obvious wild streak than Benah had ever shown. If anything, she had her mother’s feet and her father’s wings. But maybe she didn’t know her mother at all.

            “Well,” she said finally. “It’s nothing like Shili, that’s for sure. It’s a very dead planet, no soil or grass. But it’s full of activity and people of all different species. It’s noisy and it doesn’t smell that great and is often gloomy. People aren’t as friendly there, but I kind of like disappearing into the crowd.” She chewed softly on her lip unsure what all her mother really wanted to know. 

            “That sounds nice,” Benah said finally. But it only confused her. Did her mother wish to escape this life too?

            “De’he’ren!” her father seemed to burst out onto the balcony. She’d been so focused on her mother he’d almost startled her. “Good, good. We must get you ready for the next part of your training. You’ll leave immediately.” He kissed Benah quickly on the cheek than wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

            “Oof,” she gasped in surprise, wondering why her father was so particularly affectionate today. She’d only been gone two days. “Wait, leave? Where are we going?”

            He let her go but kept both hands on her shoulders and looked her up and down. For a second she thought he was going to critique her outfit and get picky about her choices this morning, but instead he seemed to nod to himself. “Only you are going,” he answered at last. But before she could ask more questions, he’d swept her along with him as he hurried them through the throne room and back to the entrance courtyard. 

            “Where am I going... alone?” she asked. He just clicked his tongue at her and she frantically tried to remember any mention of a trip she was expected to take from his many lessons. Nothing came to mind, which worried her, because she’d actually thought she’d been listening to everything he taught.

            “It’s time for det Meht tohg’ha,” he replied. _The mother’s walk?_  That didn’t sound good. “You will journey from tribe to tribe and live amongst your people. Spending an equal amount of time with each. In one och’sa cycle, you will return.”

            “A whole year?” she exclaimed. “I can’t be gone a whole year. I have too much to do!” She freed herself from her father’s grasp and started pacing in the courtyard garden. “What about the war? And the senate? And Shmi? And... and...” she stopped herself before saying Anakin. “Can she come with me?”

            “No, de’he’ren. This is something the future leader has to do on their own,” he replied simply. “And this is far more important than the war.”

            “To you, maybe!”

            “To your people!” he corrected her sternly and she dropped her head.

            “But, but-”

            “You are overdressed,” he continued as though he hadn’t noticed or cared about her objections. “For det Meht tohg’ha, you will walk into the capital of each tribe humbly. It will be how you behave and appeal and assist them that earns you their support. You will kneel before the governors as their servant, not their ruler and you will listen to their stories and learn their ways.”

            “But what about the clones? I can’t abandon them now.”

            “It is time for you to focus on your people, my wanderer. You cannot become queen without knowing them.”

            “But-”

            “It’s time, de’he’ren. I have taught you everything I can, the rest is up to you. Now go, put on a simple shirt and pants. Remove everything else. You will not be representing anyone during this journey, except yourself. It is through your actions that will determine what you carry when you return,” her father commanded. 

            “I can’t leave yet.” She put her foot down, unsure why she was willing to fight her father on this. She wanted to meet her people; she really did. But she had unfinished business she wasn’t willing to postpone for a year. Plus, she wanted a chance to send a message to Anakin and Artoo. And say goodbye to Shmi and Threepio. And she still hadn’t figured out how to send her message to the people of the Republic!  _A whole year?_  

            She stopped suddenly and blinked up at the giant stone monolith that decorated the central garden of the entrance courtyard.  _Unless..._

            It was a beautiful, shiny and smooth slab of beg’tehl, marbled in a mixture of dark grey with deep blue and gold veins. And as she stared at it, she could picture the names of the fallen clones carved into it. 

            “I’ll go, father. But there’s a few things I have to do first.” She was running all the way down to the spaceport before he could argue, and she heard him mumble about his wayward daughter and curse to himself. She really didn’t try to be a problem, but she couldn’t abandon her crusade yet and the monolith had just given her the most brilliant idea. 

 

—-

 

            “Now promise me you’ll tell your mother everything you want me to hear so she can pass along the message,” she said sadly after finally getting a hold of Anakin. She’d been very busy the last few days, spending most of her time in the ship calling various offices and coordinating everything.

            “I’m not sure I want my mother to hear the things I want to say to you,” he joked, and she blushed. “But don’t worry, princess. It’s not goodbye forever is it?”

            “No, but a whole year! I can’t believe he’d just spring this on me with no warning.”

            “Well if your people are anything like you, I’d say spontaneous is kind of their nature.” She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. 

            “Artoo, promise me you’ll oversee them updating that monolith every week,” she told her droid. He beeped obediently, dutifully informing her he will most definitely be on top of it. He even threatened to zap people with the electro-prod that Anakin installed in him if they didn’t do their job. 

            She smiled, but sadly. She was going to miss them so much. A whole year on her own? It was like her father was sending her off to some monastery where she’d be the only one there. It wasn’t that she was scared of her people, but she knew nothing about them. And the idea of wandering around the planet with very little instructions, no companions and no supplies worried her more than she wanted to admit. Especially since her father had always been so protective and kept her so sheltered. Now it felt like he was throwing her into deep water without teaching her to swim. She could handle the beasts, but could she handle her people?

            “Oh, and buddy? You take good care of him, you hear?” Artoo beeped and whirred, dancing around on his little limbs and she laughed for real this time. 

            “I know you’re apprehensive, princess, but don’t worry,” Anakin said softly. “Your people will love you and you’ll love them. Just, you know, don’t find any handsome males with shiny horns to love too much.” He winked at her and she blushed. They still weren’t really calling themselves anything at all, but it was as though, unspoken, it was there. The promise. Or maybe just the hope that somehow, someway, they’d make it.  _Together_. “Ahsoka?”

            “Yeah?” She looked up when he said her name, since he still rarely did. 

            “Thank you. For the monument. I don’t think it made the senator’s very happy having to walk past the reminder every day to go to work, but it definitely made a statement. And it meant a lot to them too.”

            “I wish I could do more...”

            “You already have,” he gave her one of his deep genuine smiles, the kind she adored because it showed his dimple on the right side. “Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to keep in touch.”

            She nodded and said goodbye not feeling quite as hopeful as he’d tried to sound. She clicked off the transmission and slouched back in her seat. This was it then? Everything had culminated to this; the mother’s walk. She now had to go prove to thousands of people she’d never met, to each of the four tribes, that she wasn’t just their leader by birthright. Instead, as her father had explained, she had to earn the honor to represent her people. And she had no idea what all that would entail. Some part of her even wondered what the point was. It was bad enough it was her destiny to take the throne, now she had to prove to total strangers that she belonged there, despite the fact that not once in her life had she ever felt like she did. 

            She really didn’t want to think about what would happen if she failed. And she also didn’t want to think about what was happening in the war and how many important votes she’d be missing out on. 

 

—-

 

            She was halfway through her second day of walking when she felt something and for the first time since she’d departed Corvala, she thought it would be okay. Barely a second later, the enormous nexu bowled her over and immediately started licking her face with its forked tongue.

            “Smiley!” she laughed in excitement, so happy to see him again. The nexu sat back on his haunches and panted while she got back to her feet and scratched his head affectionately. Her father had said she had to make this journey alone, but he hadn’t specified whether or not animals counted as companions. She leaned her head against his face and stroked him, so glad to see that despite being released into the wild, they still had a bond and he was doing well for himself. 

            Letting him go had been heartbreaking and terrifying because she had no way of protecting him from being hunted by her people, something she’d never be able to fault them for of course, since hunting was what they did.

            All at once, four heads popped up from the turu grass and she felt more than heard Smiley’s growl. “It’s okay.” She patted him, hoping she was right. She was trying to swallow the lump in her throat at how close he’d just become to being these hunters’ next meal because he’d been focused on coming to her instead of his surroundings. Though she hadn’t heard them either, which meant it may not have mattered if he’d been distracted or not.

            “It’s the princess,” one of them whispered and admittedly she stared at the young woman that had spoken in surprise. As far as she could recall, she’d never met any of them before, how had they recognized her as the princess? She was in the middle of nowhere, at least that’s what it felt like to her.

            “Your highness,” the oldest one said, hurrying to stand in front of her and give a respectful bow. She had a dark orangish-red face with white markings that fanned above her nose except for a cylindrical stripe in the middle and then two that curved under each eye with a small dot beneath them. Her montral stripes were asymmetrical gold and white in jagged patterns. She had soft brown eyes that sparkled in the afternoon sun and a huge smile on her face when she lifted her head. “I am Atarah Tyn, the leader of the grasslands tribes. It is an honor to finally meet you in person.”

            As soon as she said leader, she herself dropped to one knee to bow humbly, as her father had instructed. “It’s an honor to meet you, Atarah.” The woman looked shocked that she’d bowed to her and somewhat flustered. “I’m here for det Meht tohg’ha,” she explained, hoping they knew what that meant since she certainly didn’t.

            “Oh!” Atarah replied excitedly. “Welcome, welcome! I was teaching these three young women to hunt.” She quickly introduced the others. “But we didn’t realize he was your,  _uh…_  pet. How did you tame him?” She stepped forward nervously, wanting to reach out to touch him but glanced at her first for permission.

            She nodded both at Atarah and Smiley and he dropped his head, presenting it to be scratched. “Oh, I didn’t tame him.” The woman pulled her hand back suddenly. “I befriended him, I guess.”

            “I’ve never seen a nexu this big,” one of the youngest girls said.

            “He’s from Geonosis,” she replied before stopping to think. “Well I mean, he wasn’t native to Geonosis, that’s just where I found him.”

            “You found him on another planet and brought him back here?” Atarah asked in surprise.

            “Uh, yeah.” She shifted a little. She really had no idea if it was a good thing to tell her people about the things she’d been up to off world. Or if anything she said meant anything to them. “He’d been mistreated by the Geonosians for sport in their arena and I asked him to help me when I was in a bind. He turned on his handlers and helped me rescue my friends. I couldn’t leave him behind after that.”

            “He obeys your commands?” the youngest of the group said in awe.

            “I don’t command, I just ask.” It wasn’t really until these four women questioned her bond with Smiley that she started to get the sense that what had happened wasn’t just a harmony of nature. Though Anakin had questioned her desire to take him home to Shili, he’d never once said anything that hinted that the connection between her and the nexu was unnatural. So now she could only assume that it had been a force experience that had allowed her to bond with a beast normally dangerous to her kind.

            “That’s amazing,” one of the others whispered.

            “You must be exhausted from your walk from Corvala,” Atarah said finally after the four of them had fawned over Smiley for a bit, basking in his willingness to let them pet him. “We’ll show you the way to T’eh’det’ru.”

            “It’s the center of the tribelands,” the littlest girl said. “You’ll like it.” The girl took her hand as Atarah led the way east until they found a larger river, then they followed its winding path through the tall turu grass.

            “Thank you,” she said grateful for the company. Smiley padded obediently along behind them and the girl that was holding her hand chatted happily about this or that all the way there. She relaxed into their friendly nature and frequent laughter. For people she’d met in the midst of a hunt, they seemed very carefree and not even remotely vicious. Of course, when any of them hunted, that completely changed.

            “We were preparing for the group bhat,” one of the girls said as it started to turn evening.

            “So, you must be nearing thirteen,” she murmured.

            “Did you have to perform the group bhat? You must have been amazing at it.”

            “I did not,” she said sadly. “I wasn’t allowed.”

            “Do you know how to hunt? We’ll teach you if you don’t.”

            “I can hunt,” she replied. “But I’d be honored to learn from the masters.” At that, all four of them giggled. It wasn’t false pride by any means. The grasslands tribes were some of the fiercest hunters, known for their skills at tracking and capturing prey. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d felt Smiley coming but hadn’t even known they were there. She could definitely learn a few things from them. She’d mostly taught herself how to hunt, since her father had discouraged it, and though she was decent at it, she’d never been given the opportunity to see what she was truly capable of.

            The blue sky gave way to a mixture of pinks, yellows and reds when they stopped at the top of a hill and looked down on what seemed like endless plains. She stared in surprise at the village directly below her. It was far bigger than she’d ever imagined. She’d always believed that the different tribes simply represented regions of Shili. But even among those territories the people were split off into various separate tribes and family groups. She had no idea that they had their own cities that were nearly as large as Corvala.

            T’eh’det’ru, as they’d called it, was laid out in an oval shape. Round huts patterned through the layout in varying sizes. All wildly painted in bright colors, save for the thatched roofs which were mostly golden, some reddish, some orange. Many of the huts she could see from the ridge had large floral murals decorating them, fluttering cloths over the windows. Scattered throughout the huts were larger buildings; probably public gathering places for when the weather isn’t as favorable for being outside. In the center of the oval was a large empty courtyard, likely the location of festivals, events, markets, or sports. Smoke billowed from multiple fires throughout the village. She was hit with a variety of delicious smells, the sounds of laughter and voices as it drifted their way, intermingled with fragrant blossoms. 

            In many ways, the village was almost sensory overload for her, though she was used to the bustle on Coruscant and the activity in Corvala, neither were like this. Though Togruta were communal, in Corvala, they held more individual lives, mingling only in markets and for sporting events. Here, in the middle of the grasslands, they seemed to gather together for every activity; eating, stories, hunting, dancing, cooking. 

            She glanced over at Smiley who had lifted his head, closed all four of his eyes and was sniffing the air as he too smelled the roasting meats. She suddenly wasn’t so sure if having him come along was a good idea. But none of the other four had expressed concerns about him joining them so they were either convinced she could control him or knew something she didn’t. 

            “Daasa!” a man near the edge of the village yelled in their direction, and the youngest girl that had been holding her hand giggled and ran towards him. She smiled to herself as he lifted the girl effortlessly into the air and spun her around. The other three all ran into the village, disappearing into their respective huts to return to their families, she assumed. 

            “I met the princess today, dada!” the girl named Daasa told her father. 

            “I thought you were out hunting?” he asked, tickling her. “How did you find the princess?”

            When he finally let up so the girl could speak, she pointed to where her, Atarah and Smiley were still standing on the hill.

            “Follow me,” Atarah said to her and started towards the village. She followed behind her, Smiley right on her heels. Daasa’s father gave her a deep bow when she got closer.

            “Your highness,” he whispered. She wouldn’t have given it much thought if it had just been these four girls and him, but everybody they passed as they made their way towards the center of the village all stopped what they were doing and bowed to her. Yes, she was with Atarah, their leader, but she got the impression that somehow everyone here knew her. Which confused her, and unnerved her, if she was honest. 

            Sure, some of them could have come to Corvala and very possibly stood before her and she might not remember them. But as every face she laid eyes on tipped their head respectfully without so much of a whisper rippling through the crowd of who she was, there had to be another reason they all recognized her. 

            “Forgive me, Atarah, if I sound ignorant, but how do they all know I’m the princess?” she whispered. “I can’t possibly have met them all in Corvala.”

            “We’ve been watching you for many years,” Atarah replied simply as though that explained everything, but instead it only confused her further. 

            “How?” But Atarah didn’t answer. She simply pointed to a large unusual looking table in the very center of the village. It wasn’t like any she’d ever seen before, but she knew what it was the moment she saw it; a holocommunicator. 

            It shouldn’t have surprised her; her people were more than capable and intelligent enough to invent progressive technology. None of that was totally foreign to Shili, at least not in the past few thousand years. But despite the rest of the galaxy in a constant technological race for bragging rights or whatever, Shili had been slow to incorporate much into their traditional way of life. They took pride in making things by hand rather than having a machine do it for them. They didn’t mind the hard work that went along with survival, in many ways they even worshiped it. The grasslands tribes were the best example of that, since so much of their daily life, theology, art, and knowledge centered around the great bhats; hunting. It was a religion to them, a rite of passage, an art form, a matter of honor. Why then, would they consider bringing in technology that could potentially disrupt the hunt? Electricity created sound waves and unnatural lighting, all things that disturbed the natural balance and harmony of nature. Droids would be disruptive and perform tasks many preferred to do by hand. Tall buildings would go against nature, disrupting the air flow and information. Speeders or ships would disturb the animals, driving them further away which would then strain the natural resources. 

            So, to see that despite their traditional, deeply rooted in Meht Shili herself, way of life, punctuated by certain technology that somehow was completely unnatural and yet oddly harmonious with the village surroundings was strange and uncomfortable to her. But even more so, to see that even the people in the middle of nowhere had a connection not just to the capital city, but also to the outside world, well, it was impressive. 

            Atarah flipped a switch on the holotable control panel and the people around it gathered close as it replayed the senate meeting from a week ago. She saw herself there, advocating for the clones, begging the elite to pay attention to ethical boundary they were crossing. It switched to a news story about the new clone memorial monument she’d commissioned right outside the senate tower. The several senators they interviewed about it all stated that it was a beautiful gesture that was what made the Republic superior. She couldn’t help but scoff, forgetting the people that were standing nearby. These same senators had totally ignored her plea, argued money first and adamantly denied that the clones were slaves. It panned back to the reporter who was standing in front of the monolith and she almost laughed when she saw Artoo in the background racing after a worker with a tool sticking out of his dome. 

            “Is it true, your highness,” someone near her right side asked. “That the clone troopers are slaves?”

            She turned to see a little human boy, standing in front of a human male and a female Togruta. 

            She glanced around at all the people that were suddenly waiting with anticipation to hear what she’d say. She wasn’t sure how much they knew about the war, or the politics behind it. She really didn’t know how much they knew about any of it. But she had the strongest sense that she needed to respond from her heart and not water down the issue. Though maybe the majority of her species never traveled the stars, maybe most of them would never be impacted by the war or whatever was happening out there, they had a right to know. And if they’d been watching her crusades, her career as a senator, paying attention to the issues she fought for, she wanted them to understand  _why_  she fought for them. Atarah turned the holotable off and she took a deep breath.

            “Yes, my family,” she said sadly. “It’s true. The senate adamantly denies the use of that term, arguing that it will cost the Republic more money to pay them, when we already paid for their creation. They look at them as though they’re nothing more than droids and they treat them as such. I can’t turn a blind eye to that. I can’t pretend to rationalize it. Every life is sacred. Born or created.” To her surprise, the little boy threw his arms around her legs as soon as she finished speaking. And when he let go, she knelt down to his level. “War makes people do crazy things. The focus becomes winning no matter what the cost. But what is victory without honor? What do we fight for if we forget who we are? What was the point if everything we believed in was lost along the way? Yes, we must win, we must survive, we must thrive. But we must also keep our integrity. We must never lose sight of what it means to be alive. If we do, we die for nothing.”

            The boy nodded at her as though even at his young age, he’d taken everything she’d said to heart. She patted him gently on the cheek and stood up again, looking around. Every single person present had dipped their head in a respectful bow, which should have been flattering but instead made her uncomfortable. Even if she was the future queen, she didn’t want to be worshiped simply for speaking what should be common courtesy. She also didn’t want to be worshiped even if she managed some incredible feat. All she wanted was the kindness and sanctity of life, nature and balance to be the foundation of peace and prosperity. Being a good, helpful and honorable person, should be normal, not something that deserves praise. And suddenly it hit her the last lesson her father had given her before leaving.  _Kneel in humility for though you are their strength, they are your body. Your wisdom will guide and protect them, but their heart will beat the commands and feed the future. You are the crown, but they are your core. They look to you, but you represent them._

            She dropped to her knees, then her elbows until she practically kissed the ground in front of the boy. She closed her eyes and felt the energy of Meht Shili rise from the surface like the dust. She felt the winds shift around her as everything sharpened into a clearer focus. She felt the vibration of the ground as Smiley dropped onto his stomach next to her. She heard a bird, a convoree land on the edge of the holotable to her left. Without looking up, she knew instantly that it was Morai. She felt a rush of purpose hit her when the bird rested its wings. 

            For a moment it felt like she could hear every heartbeat in the vicinity, maybe in the whole village and beyond the borders. She saw an image of her people gathered together on their knees looking up at the sky. She felt their pain and suffering and fear. But then she felt something else rise from it. Simultaneously, they started singing, chanting something to the sky. The pain gave way to hope. The fear to strength. She followed their eyes down as a ship landed in front of them. As soon as the door opened, she knew who it was silhouetted in the bright white background of the lights. 

            She blinked when she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Your majesty?” a man’s soft voice said. She looked up to see the boy’s father leaning over her. “Are you alright?”

            She nodded, feeling somehow changed, or refined by the vision she’d just had. As though it had honed her resolve. Though the vision had centered around her people, she knew, like she’d been feeling for years, everything that was happening was connected. It was building to something, something that she’d somehow, either accidentally or predestined, would be a big part of.

            “I bow to you, my people,” she said hoarsely. “It is you, not me that is the soul of Mother Shili. I humbly ask to be your voice and the voice of those that feel powerless.”

            The man in front of her held out a hand and she accepted his help to get to her feet. He smiled at her and she studied his soft green eyes. “You are our voice,” he replied. “You speak what lives in all our hearts. You fight for our honor, you make us proud.” There was something strange and oddly emotional hearing this from an outsider rather than a fellow Togruta. It was as though he wasn’t just speaking for the grasslands tribe, he was speaking for the galaxy. For all races. We’ve seen you fight, we’ve heard you speak, we’ve felt you lead. The impact of your choices have already rippled across the galaxy and through your people.”

            “Who are you?” she asked finally, hoping she didn’t sound rude. 

            “I am free,” he smiled at her. 

            The Togruta woman that had been standing with him stepped forward, took her hands and brought them to her mouth. When she’d finished kissing her fingers, she released them and looked up at her face. “Four years ago, I journeyed to Corvala, lost and broken,” she started. “I lacked fulfillment, I felt restless. I’d decided to seek advice from the king, not knowing if he could help with something like this. In the marketplace, I bumped into a woman with pretty brown hair and kind eyes. As she walked me to the palace, she told me about you. About how years earlier, you’d helped free her son from slavery, and in unexpected kindness, you’d sent for her as well, freeing her and letting her stay in the palace.” She smiled at the thought of Shmi and nodded for the woman to continue. “Instead of going to see the king, I said goodbye, and traveled to other planets feeling as though perhaps my call to wander meant something after all. She’d said that when anybody asked you why you’d gone to such lengths to free her, you would answer-”

            “It was the right thing to do, I felt it as sure as I feel my own heart beat,” she finished for her. The togruta woman nodded and she glanced again at the boy and his father. “You were slaves?” It finally dawned on her. She knelt down and pulled the little boy into a tight hug. “I swear to you, if it’s the last thing I do, I will end slavery. I will fight it with everything I possibly can. You have my word, on my honor.” The boy kissed her on the cheek. “No one should ever have to live like that.”

 

—-

 

            Her time with the grasslands tribe passed in a blur after the first night as she fell easily into the rhythm of their way of life. For being so far removed from the kind of lifestyle she was used to, there was nothing about it that was poor. They taught her games, how to hunt, how to dance. They taught her medicine and all about the herbs and flowers scattered throughout the flatlands. They taught her how to make things with her hands, including clothes and jewelry and pottery. 

            The children of T’eh’det’ru had taken to chasing Smiley into the tall grasses and climbing on his back or wrestling with him. He was surprisingly gentle with everyone that touched him. He even in many ways took to honing their hunting skills by letting them play pretend with him. It was an odd thing to see, she’d admitted one night. The idea that the very types of creatures her people hunt are teaching its predators how to hunt them. But she knew it was the call of the wild, a natural instinct to eat or be eaten. And somewhere along the way, Smiley must have decided her people were his species, not the fellow nexu. 

            Though he’d seemed to thrive after being released, it had never occurred to her until that revelation that perhaps he wouldn’t be welcomed by the native variety. Unlike akuls, nexu often traveled in packs. It was rare to find solo ones unless you stumbled on them while they were hunting. For some species, the males often couldn’t live around each other, but that was not the case for nexu. Packs varied in size but often consisted of an equal number of male and female adults, thrown off only by how many cubs they had of either. With as gentle as he was though, perhaps it was best for him to stay with her as she took the mother’s walk. At least that way he wouldn’t be in danger.

            Before she’d left the grasslands tribes, she’d been given a handful of soft, comfortable clothes. Their style very free flowing and minimal. For the people in daily activities, often loose pants or layered patterned skirts. They often tied simple wraps around their upper bodies, though many males went shirtless with just an outer shawl. For the women that hunted, they’d where pants tied around their ankles, or skirts that were shorter in the front than back. Sometimes they’d wear short tabards that hung from the front of their belts with ceremonial sigils and family crests. Most often their tops were nothing more than a folded scarf that wrapped around their back across their breasts and tied behind their necks. The purpose of their simple attire, especially when hunting, was to allow for maximum movement but also to reveal the stripes most Togruta are born with. More than just the markings on their head, they usually had stripes on their arms and legs as well as some that circled their torsos. These additional markings allowed them to better camouflage themselves within the turu grass, by breaking up the solid brightly colored skin. To the untrained eye, they could be flowers or patches of sky. 

            Though males also had markings on their body, they were often more intricate or repetitive patterns like the markings on their faces. They very rarely had simple stripes, since it was not the males that hunted. So, though they still had camouflage, it wasn’t as critical to look like they were just flowers in the grass. 

            It had disturbed her and greatly confused Atarah and the other girls that she did not have stripes on her body. Other than her montrals and the white markings of her face, she had a blank canvas of orange skin. It was Daasa that had suggested they simply paint stripes on her before they go hunting, which was in fact what they’d ended up doing. But it was yet another thing about herself that seemed to make her different from her people. 

            Whenever the activities of the day ended; whether it was sports, hunting or festivals, the people would congregate in the village center. They’d take turns swapping stories of heroic bhats, they’d tell stories of the deities that assisted mother Shili with her bountiful tasks. They’d celebrate by feasting and singing and dancing. 

            It was during the wataps that you got to see just how rich they were; both in spirit and resources. They’d deck themselves in handmade jewelry, feathers and flowers. They’d where skirts that spun in hypnotizing waves, embroidered tops, bangles up and down their arms. Sometimes they’d have bells tied to their wrists or ankles. They’d dance to steady drums, harmonizing strings, or woody reeds. Sometimes they’d sit around in a circle and all join in with the drums, chanting and meditating in the fading light of evening. They celebrated every part of life in some way or another from rain dances, to solo hunts, to sporting victories and she’d even gotten to witness her first Ha’a’neh eh det turu. As a young woman in the village came of age and the men fought for her favor. 

            With all the excitement, she’d nearly lost track of time and had regretfully been forced to say goodbye and continue her journey. Strangely the hardest people to say goodbye to had been Atarah and her brother Ocaree. He’d reminded her so much of Anakin in his mannerisms that they’d become quite close during her few months there. Sometimes even sneaking off after the festivities had ended and sitting together in a secret spot he’d shown her. There they’d watch the stars and talk well into the early hours of the morning. 

            Though she hadn’t opened up about everything in her life, especially the force and the Jedi and of course, hadn’t mentioned Anakin to him, he’d been easy to talk to. They’d often passed their time with philosophical debates, digressing to fantastical and imaginative solutions to minor inconveniences. He was upbeat like Atarah, but somewhat broodier in nature. 

He had dark green skin with a white stripe across his nose and a few markings that framed his face, but relatively minimal compared to most. His montrals had similar colors and patterns as hers but the lekku stopped at his shoulders and the horns twisted prominently above his head. 

            Though she’d felt a unique connection with him, she could make him no promises when she left despite his repeated favors and they’d parted only in friendship. As much as she’d liked him, she found in his company that what she ached for was Anakin. And perhaps her attachment to him had stemmed much from the way he reminded her of Anakin. 

Atarah, on the other hand, was a curious choice as the governor of the grasslands tribes and she hadn’t fully understood how the leader was chosen. It wasn’t that she wasn’t capable, because she most certainly was. She was adored by all, she took a personal interest in the lives of every member of the tribe both in T’eh’det’ru and all the outerlying villages that made up their territory. But she wasn’t much older than herself, she was almost too cheery sometimes and she loved to talk and laugh as though she’d never taken anything seriously in her life. But for all her silliness, she was good company and it had been hard to say goodbye to her too. 

            But she had three more territories to cover before returning to Corvala and the next on her list was the River Tribes. She’d departed T’eh’det’ru, with flowers around her neck, soft comfortable clothes, some odd parts she’d collected that had no real meaning to her, but she’d been compelled to grab anyways, and a lovely handmade leather bag to carry everything in. Smiley walked happily along beside her, content in the afternoon sun, occasionally lifting his head to the breeze and sniffing the air. She absentmindedly reached out and patted him and he purred in contentment. Is was another few days before she’d enter the river tribes territory, but she was excited by the adventure this time. Her experiences with the grasslands tribes had considerably lifted her spirits and she couldn’t wait to discover the true depth of her people and get to know the ones she knew so very little about. 


	19. The River Tribes

            She stopped along one of the larger rivers after the small one she’d been following had joined another and continued on south. While Smiley drank, she leaned back against a tree and stared up at the sky for awhile. She was still buzzing from everything that had happened with the Grasslands tribes, she had no idea what to expect with the River tribes. She knew they were very ritualistic, and they were really good at partying. But since the only parties she’d ever been to had been boring affairs over a meal or watching Padmé try to fish for votes for her latest bill, she wasn’t sure what these would be like. It was tough at first, to readjust to the solitude after so much activity and she started getting kind of jumpy after awhile, expecting people to appear out of nowhere like they had when they’d been hunting. She’d been walking for several days, following this one river as it gradually grew larger, but she hadn’t seen anyone since she’d left.

            She didn’t really think about much as she sat there, just to let her body rest. She hoped Anakin was alright and the clones. She decided not to wonder about the senate because she could guess exactly what they were doing no matter what the subject; arguing. Despite all of Padmé’s leadership advice over the years, she still felt like talk was wasted. That’s why she tried so hard to act on everything she said. If the senate ignored her, which was often, she’d find some other way to do it. Something that still felt as though she wasn’t giving up.

            She admired her friend’s values, but she’d often noticed that to her, if the senate vetoed her bill, that was where her crusade would end. Well that wasn’t entirely true. She would repeatedly put the bill forward; she would continue to fight for it. But it never went beyond the senate. Padmé seemed to believe so firmly in democracy that other than that first skirmish on Naboo years earlier, she didn’t seem to act on her ideals. Though to be fair, she wasn’t around her as much anymore. In fact, she hadn’t even thought to tell Padmé about this year-long trip; assuming she’d be too busy with her own duties to keep her informed anyways.

            The way the Grasslands Tribes had reacted to her speeches and the things she’d done over the years had only fueled her desire to keep going. To be the leader she believed in. And it wasn’t that she didn’t care for the traditional way of her people, she just wasn’t convinced tradition would be enough anymore. No matter what her father said, there was more at stake than just how her people viewed her, but she also recognized that if she had their support, it could determine whether or not what she was doing was successful.

            She was grateful for Smiley’s company. Not only did it help the time pass easier, it kept her more at ease about the dangers of her planet. She kept herself partially on alert, but she wasn’t nearly as stressed as she might have been without his escort. Though after her lessons in hunting from Atarah and some of the other village hunters, she’d probably be okay if she did have to fight something. The difference between hunting and walking though, was that if you were hunting, you’d be quieter and sneakier. So, in that scenario, you’re more likely to get the advantage. She half wondered how many beasts had thought of her as prey since she’d left Corvala but had decided against it because they didn’t want to fight Smiley. 

            After they rested for awhile, she got back to her feet and continued following the river. It was almost dark when she looked down river and saw an odd-looking range of hills seem to rise above the plains. It wasn’t that they looked that much different than other hills, what had confused her was that the river she’d been following seemed to disappear inside the middle hill. Geographically, it didn’t look as though a hill should even be there. It fit in with the surrounding landscape it just seemed, well… wrong. Even Smiley had lowered his head slightly and growled as though he too, sensed something unnatural about it.

            She glanced around but saw no immediate danger, so she closed her eyes and reached into the force. She heard music. It was faint at first, but definitely coming from the direction of the weird looking hills. Atarah had told her to follow this river and she wouldn’t be able to miss the River Tribes. So that must mean she had to go through the hills too. People must be living near it, but she couldn’t see any huts above the grass, or smoke or expected signs of life.

            Sensing nothing else off, she calmed Smiley down and started towards it, following the river and the music as it got louder. It wasn’t until she was almost upon it before she fully understood. 

            From the distance it had simply looked like a few hills. But now she saw the graceful way they arched over the rivers. They were massive structures that opened to let the rivers through, but turu grass and other trees and plants had grown up over top the structures and made them look almost like normal hills. She crossed under the intricately carved archway and paused in total awe as soon as her eyes adjusted to the change of lighting. 

            Underneath the domed structures was a city, not a village. Though there were obvious similarities between it and T’eh’det’ru in the construction of the huts and larger buildings, it differed in almost every other way. The river she’d been following split into multiple tributaries that had been routed all over the city. Beautifully carved wooden bridges connected various sections. There were multiple openings in the domed structure that allowed light from the moon and stars to drift down through. Virtually unrecognizable from outside the domes, but a total buzz of life and activity inside. Where T’eh’det’ru had a central cleared area for gathered activities, this city had a large lake in the middle. Above the lake was the largest opening in the spherical structure and she could just make out the moon through it.

            Though colorful like everywhere else on Shili, the colors seemed brighter somehow. Which was strange because despite the city being beneath the domes, there was no electricity. So, everything seemed rather dim except for the colored paint on the walls and statues. Even the water seemed to glow in a myriad of hues. It reminded her of a toy she’d been given as a child; a small round piece of wood, hollowed out with holes pierced in geometric patterns. But inside were these colored pebbles that seemed to glow, especially when she held it up in the moonlight. It rattled, so the noise was fun, but what she’d always loved about it were the sparkly stones. Now that she looked around her, it must have been a gift from the River Tribe. 

            Nobody had noticed her yet, which at the moment she was grateful of. It gave her a chance to take it all in without having to suddenly entertain or be on parade. Smiley had padded a few meters forward and stuck his head down close to the water, and whatever he was watching had his full attention. She smiled to herself and took a deep breath. This place felt foreign to her, but maybe she was just bothered by how little she really knew about her people. 

            She felt something, like a weird tickle on the back of her neck, it reminded her of the times she could sense the bounty hunters before they attacked. She felt uneasy, but whatever it was didn’t feel threatening or at least didn’t have the same intentions as those that had tried to kill her. She looked up and saw a male not far away. He was standing on one of the bridges, leaning on the intricately carved railing as though he were studying her. 

            No one else around him or passing by seemed to pay any kind of attention to him. His body was mostly yellow, but his face was mostly white. His markings seemed to triangulate around it but in sharp lines. There was nothing soft or flowy about them. Two tube shapes pointed from each side of his nose to the center of his forehead. And other than a notch out of the markings on his chin, there wasn’t much more visible yellow skin. He wore black and white striped pants that stopped at just below his knee and red and green ribbons dangled further towards his ankles. There was another red and green ribbon twisted together and tied around his waist. Around his neck was a thick strand of twine with oddly shaped shells hanging from it. He wore no top, nothing but the necklace. His attire was relatively simple, but he had an authoritative air about him. 

            She wasn’t sure how long they stood locked on each other before he finally straightened. “My people,” he said loudly. “The princess is just in time for the Moon Daughter’s Kiss. Mera, get her ready.” A woman seemed to appear out of nowhere next to him and she, like everyone else within hearing range, instantly turned to face her. 

            For some reason it still bothered her that everybody knew her, but she didn’t know any of them. She was also finding that she really hated being the center of attention. Probably not a good fear to have when you’re about to become the leader of an entire planet. 

            She almost jumped out of her skin when the woman that had been next to him was suddenly next to her. Was she that distracted, or did she move that mysteriously? “Your highness,” she bowed to her. “I’m Mera Siko. That is my ke’leh Vuzaak. Come with me, we must prepare you for the ritual.” She took a deep breath trying to calm herself and looked over the woman. She wasn’t very tall, her skin was a similar shade of green as Ocaree, but she had much more white on her face from her markings. They triangulated above her eyes much like her mother’s, but covered more of her face, and the strange shape of green showing around her eyes, made her look permanently startled.

            Though everybody that had heard Vuzaak’s exclamation had turned and stared at her, none of them had smiled or bowed to her when she passed them. She wouldn’t call them hostile exactly, but they weren’t warm either. At least not so far. Understandable she supposed, she had to be at least a week’s worth of walking from the capitol by now, so how often did they go to Corvala? Probably pretty rarely.

            “Are you and your mate the leaders of the River Tribe?” she tried to ask as Mera pushed her, more than guided her, towards a larger hut near the edge of the lake. Leading out from the lake side of it, was a dock with about a dozen canoes moored to it. As she looked around, she noticed that more people seemed to be in their own little boats than on land. She saw other rivers seem to come in from other areas of the domed structure and all empty into the delta. That she now understood wasn’t a lake at all. Since the far side that she hadn’t been able to see when she’d first entered actually opened directly out to sea. So, they’d somehow managed to build a massive series of domes that covered the point at which three rivers met the ocean. 

            “By title, yes, but we don’t believe in leaders. We’re a collective. We do what is foreseen, prophesized or dictated to us by our deities.” She was about to attempt to bow to her but almost face planted instead because she didn’t see the steps up right inside the entrance to the hut. “Sorry, princess,” Mera said, not sounding terribly sorry. It wasn’t that she expected people to bow to her, but it was definitely weird to get used to not being treated like royalty. Though she hated even thinking that, because that’s exactly what she’d craved her whole life. It was just a bit unexpected from her own people since there were so many, well, rules and traditions that dictated your behavior to royalty. 

            She hoped her entire time with them wouldn’t be like this, but perhaps they just needed some time to get to know her. And she, them. “What is the Moon Daughter’s Kiss?” she asked, hoping it wasn’t offensive to them that she didn’t know. How would she know anyways? It wasn’t like their history and traditions were written down somewhere that she could have studied her whole life. She only knew whatever was taught to her, either by the people themselves or by her father. And since it was obvious there was a lot her father hadn’t ever told her about most things, she just plain didn’t know.

            “Meht Suun’s daughter, Daaark, is our main deity. When she blesses us with her full glory, we swim in her light. Each cycle she’ll pick someone to kiss. The marks she leaves will guide us until the next cycle,” Mera explained while she started undressing her. There was a lot she just said that made her nervous, but that could also be that she was now naked in front of Mera and several other women that had entered the room. She was debating asking whether or not she had to swim naked too but was instantly relieved when she saw one of the women carrying two lengths of white cloth.

            Mother Shili, to most was a deity in herself. Most of her people worshipped the planet, but it was never seen as a person persay. She was very much alive, but more of an abstract thought, a sense of connection to the world around them. But she was not the only deity her people believed in. Many saw the sun, Suun in Togruti, as a deity as well. According to their myths, Shili and Suun were sisters. Shili was content to stay in one location and focus inward on meditation and personal growth. Suun loved to dance around the sky but didn’t wander far from her sister. Eventually she fell in love with Setzo, the god of the stars. It was said that Suun was set ablaze by her love for Setzo. Thus warming Shili and helping her grow. Suun and Setzo had two children; Daaark and Ashla. Daaark is mostly known as the moon daughter, for though she had light, she needed help from her mother and her sister to shine. Her inability to do so alone, is how she became mostly the goddess of the night. Ashla took after Suun but wasn’t very good at staying put. She traveled the galaxy, spreading her light and helping everyone come together and connect. As awareness of the force and the Jedi reached Shili, it became believed that Ashla was responsible for that and her name became synonymous with the Force. She is also the reason force potential Togruta, the ones that chose not to stay on Shili, were known as wanderers. Because they take after Ashla, the greatest wanderer. She goes wherever she is called, wherever she’s needed.

            The woman that had been holding the white cloths stepped up to her. She expertly wrapped the first between her legs and around her waist a couple times before tying it together and tucking it in behind her back. Then she wrapped the other one around her back, crisscrossed over her breasts and tied behind her neck. Mera stepped back and studied her for a moment before nodding to the other woman, who then picked up a jug of some kind of liquid and started rubbing it over her skin.

            “So what happens when the moon daughter kisses someone?” she asked while the three women covered her in the sweet smelling, but greasy oil.

            “You will be marked,” Mera replied simply as though that explained everything. But what does that  _mean?_  She thought in annoyance.

            “Will it hurt?” she asked instead.

            “It depends on the message Daaark has for all of us,” Mera said finally standing up after rubbing the oil down her leg. “When Vuzaak calls, we will dive into the water. We will float in her light. When her light fades, we will get out of the water. Whoever is marked will go meet with the elder who will interpret her message and deliver it to the people.”

            “Uh… okay,” she whispered still unsure of what they were about to do, but she didn’t want to ask anymore questions. She’d just have to wait and see, she supposed. When the women had finished with her, they took their leave to get ready as well. She looked around the hut but saw nothing particularly interesting, so she decided to wander outside to look at the canoes. This outfit was very simple compared to everything she’d been put in before, but as people started gathering around the river delta, she saw that they were all dressed the same way. Except the men of course had nothing covering their chests. She could see the glean of oil on all their bodies and she could feel the anticipation.

            From everything Mera had said, if only one person was marked everytime, it must be a great honor. Yet none of them appeared to stand out compared to the others, therefore maybe it was actually more of a duty. Each person takes a turn carrying the message.

            She looked up at the moon as it slowly moved into the center of the largest open hole in the roof. For a moment, she wondered if she should say something to Daaark, or if she should stay silent. She herself didn’t exactly believe in the deities of her world, though if she aligned with any of them, Ashla was most likely the one she did. Which now that she thought about it, she wasn’t sure if that would be a good thing or not if there was something to this ritual. 

            Though she didn’t know all the myths about their main deities, she did have some idea that Daaark was sometimes sullen and resented that Ashla liked to wander and could shine without help. It was said a long time ago, that for seven days they fought. Shili was thrust into darkness while Suun and Setzo disappeared to mediate the conflict. While Shili never really got involved in their family squabbles, the disappearance of her sister and the moon wreaked havoc on her gardens and the people she watched over. It was said that many of her creations died off and have never been seen since.

            Ultimately Ashla decided to leave home and wander the galaxy spreading her light to whoever wanted it. And Daaark fell into her own duties, helping her mother regrow Shili and protect her creations. It was referred to as D’bhem Daga, or broken love. Something that to this day, her people still mourned seven days every year, in remembrance. It was something she knew of, but not everything about it. She knew that for those seven days, they ate burnt meats, mostly unspiced. They wore clothes that were muted or dark, often veils or shawls draped over their montrals. No one hunted, no one killed, no one celebrated anything. The purpose, as she understood it, was to show Meht Shili that they do not take her gifts lightly. That they respect her and her creations. That they honor the losses and give her time to heal. It was also a reminder to them, that they were lucky that she loved them so, that she provided for them.

            On the last day, everyone would gather together in the nearest village or capital at sunrise. They’d sing hymns to Suun, Setzo and Daaark for returning, and as Suun’s light touched them, they’d strip off their mourning clothes and celebrate the reunion. She had no idea if Ashla and Daaark ever made up though. And now that she watched the moon daughter position herself to look down upon all of them and judge who was worthy of her kiss, she felt a sudden rush of fear course through her. 

            She tried to calm herself down, she’d stared at the moon a million times before and never feared it. She was just letting all this talk of deities and whatnot go to her head. Whatever caused them to be marked must have a perfectly reasonable explanation. 

            Before she could panic too much though, she heard a loud whistle that slowly turned into a very interesting series of sounds. In the middle of the delta, she could just make out Vuzaak and Mera standing in a canoe. 

            But whatever other sounds came after it was immediately drowned out by the simultaneous splashing of everyone that had gathered on the banks. She hesitated a moment and then finally dove into the water. 

            She swam with the crowd into the large moonbeam, shining through the hole in the roof. She treaded water in anticipation, unsure what else to do. She glanced around and saw that everyone near her was doing a similar thing, though most had their heads tipped back facing the moon itself as though every single one of them had pursed their lips in expectation of the kiss.

            Silence fell around them as everyone got into position and found their rhythm with the current. In all her years this was probably one of the strangest things she’d ever done. Time passed as they looked up at the moon daughter, after awhile she started feeling strange, almost lightheaded. Much of the feeling, she assumed, was her sudden awareness of all the people swimming around her. How it felt as though they’d become a single body or entity; connected by the power of their beliefs, none more important than another. 

            She blinked up, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her. It seemed like there was something to the moon, as though a face appeared. Nobody reacted, but she felt their reverence. For a moment it felt as though there were eyes looking among them, scanning the crowd, searching for the messenger this time. And then suddenly it felt as though those eyes had locked with hers. She felt nervous, she felt a rush of power as though standing in the presence of something you could only be humble before. She was scared to blink, scared to break the spell. 

 _Daaark_... she breathed, maybe without actually speaking. _Please don’t hate me for being like your sister. I didn’t choose this life, it chose me. All I want is to become the queen my people need. But I have to trust who I am too. To do that, I might have to break traditions. I might have to change the way we’ve done things for thousands of years. I’m scared. I need help, but I don’t know who can help me. I don’t know who I really am. Can you show me? Can you help me?_

            She wasn’t sure when the spell broke or why she hadn’t noticed the moon’s disappearance. It was only when she became aware of the whispers around her that she finally managed to look away from the hole in the roof. Everybody that had been near her had swam some distance away, leaving her alone in the center of the crowd. She looked from face to face in confusion and then she looked down. She brought her hand up in surprise and looked it over. Her entire body was glowing in a myriad of colors. There were intricate patterns as though someone had painted these brightly colored symbols all over her skin. She didn’t know what any of the symbols meant, but she was certain she’d been the one that was kissed. At least she assumed that based on everyone else’s reaction. 

            She felt something and turned around, a boat stopped in front of her and the next thing she knew she was lifted aboard by Vuzaak and Mera. No one spoke, so she didn’t dare ask questions. She just stood awkwardly between them as the crowd parted and they rowed towards a central dock. The colorful markings on her skin glowed so brightly, they seemed to illuminate everything in her immediate vicinity, and for a few minutes, it felt as though she was the only source of light in their entire village.

            They helped her off the canoe and onto the dock, but otherwise did not follow her as she walked the length towards an old woman waiting on the shore. She half expected it to be Homah Zy, but it wasn’t. This one had reddish skin, with brown montral stripes. Though she too carried the same mystic feel as the elder she knew.

            She wasn’t sure if she should bow or greet the woman but when she got to her, she pointed to a white circle on the ground. She stepped into it, hoping she was doing what she was supposed to, and stood there awkwardly as the woman circled her, mumbling to herself. She swallowed, wondering what message she carried, suddenly fearing that perhaps their deity was putting forth a warning; maybe even about her. 

            After a few slow laps around her the elder straightened, walked past her and stopped at the end of the dock. All the people that had been swimming now seemed to be in their various canoes, watching the elder in anticipation, waiting for Daaark’s message. She saw that Vuzaak stood casually on his, with one foot up on the dock. Mera was hanging close by his side as they stared at the elder. She didn’t really know what to do, so she stayed in the white circle and waited in fear. 

            At some point she felt Smiley nearby and relaxed a bit so that he would calm his pacing. He sat down next to her after sniffing her skin and making his own lap around her. She’d noticed though, even he had avoided crossing the white circle. 

            “The moon daughter has spoken,” the elder said finally, in a gravelly and cracked tone. 

            “We await her message,” everyone chanted in response.

            “She says that Ashla has returned to us.” Her eyes widened as all heads snapped to her, and somehow they all managed to bow without falling out of their boats. “She has asked that we trust her sister and know that she manipulates the path of our princess. That with her return heralds a time of great change. There will be turmoil, there will be pain. But the wandering queen will light the way.”

  


—-

 

            She smiled as soon as the landscape around her came into focus. She hoped that if she was dreaming about this place again it meant that Anakin was here. She’d missed him so much and she had so much to tell him. She sprinted up the hill to the plateau.

            “Anakin!” she exclaimed in excitement when she saw his familiar figure silhouetted in the moonlight. She almost threw herself into his arms as soon as he turned around but managed to restrain herself. “You won’t believe what just happened!” He watched her, his eyes wide and curious as she babbled about the moon daughter, the way it had felt and what had happened. She doubted she was making sense to him, but she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She couldn’t stop thinking about what the elder had said. “Supposedly this means one of our deities, Ashla, has returned home.” She gestured to the colorful markings still all over her skin. 

            He looked her up and down and then met her eyes again. “I don’t know anything about deities, but you look like an angel,” he murmured finally, looking a little bit embarrassed.

            She almost started laughing but didn’t want to be rude. “How can I look like an angel? Padmé and I look nothing alike.” She did laugh this time, as soon as she saw the confusion spread across his features. 

            Then finally he scowled as though pretending to be annoyed. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

            “Nope.” She shook her head. 

            “I was nine! And I thought it would be a nice compliment,” he said defensively.

            “It was a lovely compliment and I almost smacked her over her reaction,” she said. “But I don’t think she knew how to react to a little boy calling her beautiful.”

            “Is that all I was to you both?” he muttered in frustration.

            “Of course not,” she said quickly. “Padmé has spent her whole life in the spotlight, so to speak. She’s used to speeches and debates and being depended on for survival. The last thing she ever expected to hear was that she was beautiful. She just doesn’t think about that. And you saw how scrawny I was, nobody would ever think I was beautiful.”

            “But you are,” he said. “You look amazing. You’re… glowing. Which was what I meant by the whole angel thing anyways.” He shuffled his feet.

            “Well, I’m pretty sure there’s a non-mystical explanation for this, but I still can’t wrap my head around the things I felt. And why me? The oil probably attracted sea critters, and I know there’s creatures in our waters that are bioluminescent which would explain the glowing, but...”

            “It’s because you’re special, princess. That’s why it chose you.” She blinked up at him, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks at the deeper tremor in his voice.

            “But everyone was covered in the oil! It doesn’t make any sense. Then what the elder said, ‘Ashla has returned to us.’ That the future would be full of turmoil and pain, yet somehow I’m going to light the way?” She shook her head. 

            “Nobody could lead them better than you, Ahsoka. This is your path. I know you’ve fought it your whole life, but you are the best chance they have. We’re facing an uncertain future. Things get worse every day. Only someone with your tenacity, determination and compassion could lead them through it,” he whispered.

            “And what about you?” she asked. His words felt good but rooted in his own insecurities.

            “I don’t know.” He dropped his head. “I used to think that there was more for me out there, more that I could do to help people. But all I feel around me anymore is death and failure.” He looked up at her suddenly, his eyes shimmering in the moon’s light. “Was there anything in your future about us?” His voice was suddenly husky and raw; a rare glimpse of his need and longing. She’d been trying so hard to resist... well maybe not that hard but...

            She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss. She kissed him hard, harder than she meant to, but hearing his words had set it off in her too. She needed him, and she wanted him to know that. 

            “I’ll take that as a yes,” he smirked when they finally came up for air, though he sounded a bit dazed too. She couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face.

            “No matter what is told to me about my future, there will always be room in it for you. You’re a part of it, I’ve felt it since the first day we met. 

            He leaned down and met her lips again. “Really? Because you were definitely a surprise to me,” he whispered into her skin.

            “Bet you weren’t expecting to fall in love with a feisty little togruta,” she teased.

            “I admit I was definitely leaning in a different direction, and…”

            She ran her fingers down his cheek. “I know, but I’m glad you changed your mind.”

            “I shouldn’t be falling in love at all.” He looked down as though ashamed. “The Jedi encourage compassion, which is an expression of love, isn’t it? Yet we’re not supposed to feel emotions or desire relationships.”

            “Well I don’t know much about the Jedi way of things beyond what you’ve told me,” she started carefully. “But I think it’s impossible to not feel emotions or desire relationships. Maybe it’s not the feelings or the relationships that’s the problem. Maybe it’s what you do with them. I think to be a whole person, you have to love. You love others, you love creatures, you love nature, you love it all. I think love is what it means to be alive, like the purpose of it. If you can’t love... to me that would be the quickest way to the dark side the Jedi speak of.”

            He moved to touch her but hesitated and she wondered why. “The Jedi believe in being compassionate, but you’re never to put one person’s life above others. It’s so confusing. How do you be compassionate, but not care? To have compassion for anyone in any circumstance automatically makes them more important to you, doesn’t it?”

            She brought her hand up without really thinking and ran it through his hair, loving how soft and silky it felt between her fingers. “I don’t think you can rank love like that, or you’ll drive yourself crazy,” she murmured. “Maybe what they mean is that it’s not so much that you can’t love, but you can’t let that love blind you to the bigger picture.” She dropped her hand and sat down in the grass. “I struggle with this daily,” she admitted. “My heart wants something that goes against all the unwritten laws and traditions of my people. I feel selfish craving it when I know that. What will happen if I give in? Will it hurt my people? Will I sacrifice them to chase my own desires? Sometimes it feels like being burdened with this inheritance means that I don’t even belong to myself. I belong to them. I must dress for them, I must act for them, I must speak for them, I must always be carrying them and their worth and the responsibility on my shoulders. From what you’ve told me about the Jedi, I imagine you carry a similar weight.”

            He sat down next to her and picked at the grass in front of him. “They believe I’m some Chosen one. They think I’m going to save the galaxy or something. But it seems like everybody has a different idea of what that means and that no matter which path I follow, I’m disappointing someone. But since I have no clear picture of what the Chosen one is supposed to be or do, all I feel is that I’m failing at it. So yes, I know exactly what you mean about not feeling like you belong to yourself. Is it really selfish to want something besides what other people expect of you?”

            She leaned her head down on his shoulder and ran her fingers down his arm. “No,” she said finally. “I think we _have_ to have something that belongs only to us. If all we do is give ourselves to others, then we run out of ourselves to give. So we need something to replenish us. Something that fills us and makes us happy.” She was quiet for a few minutes. “Like as much as I love my people, my time with you is when I feel the most okay. For precious moments I can relax, I can be myself, I can refuel. After these times, I’m better able to deal with the next set of demands.”

            “I feel the same way,” he whispered, glancing at her face. The next thing she knew she was on her back and he was leaning over her. He kissed her softly at first, but his pressure increased as it wore on. She felt warm and excited. But then he pulled away and she looked up in disappointment. His hand hovered over the glowing markings on her shoulder. “Can I touch them?” he asked, with what sounded almost like reverence. 

            She nodded and tipped her head back. Closing her eyes at the electric sensation of his fingertips tracing the symbols all over her skin. He moved from her shoulder, down her arms, he touched her neck, her stomach and her legs. 

            “So, you were kissed by a goddess,” he breathed. “Should I be jealous?” She lifted her head to look at him as he was leaning over her stomach. He had a kind of sexy smirk on his face and she instantly felt a rush of heat course through her. “I don’t think I could compare to that.”

            “Trust me,” she started, surprised by the roughness of her voice. “Your touch is way more exciting.” As soon as she saw his cocky look of victory, she was almost sorry she’d admitted that. He scooted off to the side and walked himself by the elbows up next to her before laying back and looking up at the stars. 

            “Tell me what you’ve learned about your people so far,” he said finally, intertwining his fingers with hers. Some part of her was disappointed that he’d stopped there tonight, but as much as she was finding she wanted it more and more, she was also grateful they were taking it slow.    She was pretty sure by now that there was no one else for her, that he would always be it, no matter what the eventual cost. But just like she’d told him about the bigger picture, if they were going to take this leap, there was a lot of groundwork to lay first. Taking it slow meant building up to the revealing moment, rather than have it be known too early and deal with the  backlash and consequences. And it was probably better for him too. She valued their friendship far too much to do something rash that could create instability and tension between them. Also, this way she could be sure when the time came that he was ready too, and that he wanted to be there, just as much. 

            They talked late into the night about the war, and traditions and the force until they were both exhausted and eventually fell asleep from all the excitement. 

  


—-

 

            The following few months with the river tribes passed in a haze of activity. Quite literally a haze sometimes. They had plants that altered states of consciousness, many that gave her strange clarity in the force, some were visions, some were just bizarre. They ground different grains and fruit into mead or wine. Though she herself tried not to have too much of it, there was always plenty to go around. 

            She witnessed so many different rituals she lost track of what they each meant or even who they were for. After that first night with the moon daughter’s kiss, they opened their arms and welcomed her more warmly. Apparently endearing herself to their main goddess was enough to gain their trust. Though she sought a more logical explanation to what had happened that night, she still couldn’t explain why only she’d been marked or how the elder had interpreted it. So she’d found herself escaping to the top of the dome, night after night when all the festivities had ended to look up at Daaark and wonder.

            The River Tribes were probably the most deeply spiritual of all of them, though she had learned some of their stories while staying with the grasslands tribes. Despite the change and progress in the galaxy, and despite incorporating all sorts of technology and improvements into their own lives, the people of Sel’grr’ak were still so mystical and well, tribal. The domed city had all sorts of gadgets and gizmos. There were small droids, there were tools that helped make things, they had holocommunicators and ambient lighting, though they preferred their glowing paints.

            She did learn later that she’d been right about the bio-luminescence and had been sent off with a pack of specially made paints that glowed in similar colors as those that had appeared on her skin the first night. She’d helped them collect the ingredients underwater, she’d learned all about the creatures that lived in the rivers and the ones further out to sea. She’d been given a tour of the nearby shoreline by boat. One day they’d even rowed a good distance out to sea to a large island that was covered in animals she’d never seen before, exotic plants and a surprising variety of landscapes as though it lived in isolation from the rest of the planet’s climate. To the people of the River Tribes, it was a sacred place, another location for special rituals and deep meditation.

            The biggest lesson she’d learned with the River tribes however, whether she agreed about all their deities or the way they saw the world, was that there was a strong pulling she was somehow connected to. Anakin and the Jedi called it the force, her father referred to it as a calling, the river tribes believed it was one of their goddesses… and to be honest, it didn’t really matter which one it was, but she had better learned to accept there was more to life and more mystery and she felt considerably more confident about trusting her instincts and maybe even more able to interpret them.

            As her and Smiley turned south, inland away from the shore, her head was still buzzing from all of it. She had a million questions to ask her father especially. He had to know what all these places were like, why had he never told her the truth about them? Or anything at all? She’d dumped the random parts she’d picked up, again… into her leather pack, also tucking in the paints, and a few miscellaneous sigils and small trinkets representing different things beside the things she’d left the grasslands tribe with.

            Two statues stuck out to her in particular, one was a miniature togruta woman, completely naked, sitting cross-legged and holding her pregnant belly. The second was a tall, slender woman, draped in carefully carved clothing. The first one was a well-known symbol of Mother Shili herself, often represented in a similar manner everywhere you went. There were statues like it in the palace even. The second, was one she’d never seen before. They’d told her it was Ashla, Daaark’s sister. What struck her about it the most though, was that she wasn’t represented like the typical togruta female, in fact, she looked a lot more like her and almost human in features. It probably meant nothing important, but it was hard not to stare at it because it felt like she was staring at her reflection in a tiny statue. But the question buzzed in her head repeatedly, as something she really wanted to ask her father. If it had been carved after the moon daughter’s kiss, she might have given it no mind, but it hadn’t. It was a miniature copy of a statue that lived in the garden near the public buildings in Sel’grr’ak.

            The only thing she really knew for sure anymore, was that it felt as though the puzzle pieces about her life were slowly falling into place, but admittedly, she feared the final picture more than seemed rational. Though that probably stemmed from how little she seemed to know about herself and her planet.


End file.
